You know, it would be kinda nice to know who is following our blog and to receive a comment from time to time. A little interaction with all those faceless followers of Heathcote Safari wouldn't go amiss! So, with a moment of sadness for my stockpile of Yahoo! blog posts - a Heathcote family journal that goes back a couple of years - I am on safari to a new location.

Find me here.

There's something a little unreal about blog-land, at least for most of us. It's so easy to present the fun, the glossy, the smooth aspects of our lives, without balancing this with those times when we're rubbing against life's tough reality. I find this true in a general sense too because, as part of a voluntary organisation and therefore responsible for raising our own financial support, Tim and I often feel as if we have to 'market' ourselves. It's true, those who are committed to us and our work because of a strong relationship really want to understand the challenges as well as to hear the success stories. It's also true that most often there really is a lot of great news to share. But there are times (shhh, don't say it too loud) when things are tough, when the challenges seem greater than the reward and, dare I say it, when I wonder if it's all worth it.

Yesterday was one of those days. I guess the pot had been coming to the boil for a while but it finally bubbled over, unsurprisingly, after a husband-wife discussion about finances. After 10 years in this 'volunteer status' mission, faithfully supported by a number of committed friends, we've known that the time is coming for another look at our fundraising. In fact, we've been talking about it in earnest since the beginning of the year ... with the arrival of Emmanuelle looming and our roles (and therefore expenses) expanding, we've known that we need to 'do something'. But that's just the thing - alongside this growing sense of 'gotta DO something' I've had the sense that God has been challenging me to 'rest', not to feel as if I have to 'make things happen'. A tough lesson for someone who learned from a young age that if I wanted something I had to go get it for myself ;-) So what to do? On the one hand: money's tight ... on the other: don't feel I have to sort it all out myself.

You want to hear the solution part of the story? I'm not quite there yet! This is a long, deep process for me; it touches on so many aspects of how I think about myself, how I think about God.

Having said that, we do have lots of ideas about fundraising (ideas are something I'm not usually short of) and we're in a process of brainstorming and planning. Some of the ideas require a bit of groundwork and may take some time to work out, so that's something else that will be a long process. I'm trying to remind myself that this is part of my job and that it's okay to take time to work on it. I'm also trying to remember that ultimately we look to God as our provider, no matter what the economic or organisational context. I do believe, help me in my unbelief.

I have to admit that I did spend much of yesterday morning on-line looking at job options. There's certainly money to be made in the area of communication! But if I'm honest, I don't believe our season in this crazy, voluntary organisation is over yet. I could take things into my own hands and out of fear and independence I could probably land a decent job with an NGO somewhere ... but I have a feeling that I'd miss out on some really good stuff that has yet to happen on this part of the journey. I'm not ruling out a move away from YWAM at some point in the future (neither am I saying that has to happen) but for now I know we have to stick it out.

And boy, do I appreciate the people who have walked all or part of the journey with us over the past 10 years. It's a very humbling thing, to choose to be so interdependent with others when our inclination is towards independence, but it's also so enriching. It has deepended our relationships and given us a more true picture of ourselves as part of a community.

And those are rare gifts. Worth taking the rough with the smooth for.

Kind of on the spur of the moment we decided to have a weekend away. We're very lucky to be able to use the get-away cottage of our neighbours when it's free, so we loaded up the car and relished that Friday afternoon feeling of getting away from it all.

The cottage is a 3 hour drive from Cape Town, to the other side of Ceres. 3 hours if you go the route I know, 4 if you go the route Tim chose ;-) He mistakenly chose to drive over Bain's Kloof Pass, which is only a mistake in terms of driving time; in terms of scenery it's worth every extra kilometer ... especially at the moment, with snow on the mountain peaks.

The last time we visited the cottage was in December and the temperatures were soaring. This time we expected to be cold and were glad of the wood-burning stove and the extra blankets on the beds. Having said that, Saturday was bright and sunny and we made the most of the weather and the beautiful, well-watered and freshly blooming scenery. One of my favourite things about the place is the strategically placed 'tea-spots' dotted around the farm - small fire places with tripods and kettles on hand, so that every walk can be punctuated by some refreshment! We went out before breakfast and enjoyed tea and rusks alfresco. Later, Kezi got into paddling in the stream - which was a bare stream bed on our last visit - and caught a dozen tadpoles. I had a run that involved 3 stream-crossings and all-in-all the whole place seems more friendly with so much water about.

The cottage has no mains electricity so we enjoyed our campfires, candle-lit meals and paraffin lanterns. Unfortunately, we couldn't figure out why the solar panel-fed hot water tank wasn't working. I had a freezing shower on Saturday but Sunday was too cold, so a bucket bath had to do. I think I was the cleanest there as I don't recall the others bothering with washing; that's where the stream figured in the equation, I guess!

I thoroughly enjoyed the chance to read a whole novel in one weekend, a rare treat. Escapism comes in all shapes and sizes ;-)

Such was Tim's comment as he looked out at the pouring rain yesterday! Ah well, we live in hope.

Meanwhile, in the warmth of our cosy home ...
It's time for sleep training: The fact that Emmanuelle was 'delivered' to us with a dummy attached is not a problem per se. But the fact that through the night she'll cry every couple of hours for it to be popped back in her mouth is very definitely a problem, and not one we are willing to put up with. The pressure is on to make sure she's sleeping peacefully thought the night because in October, when Tim's parents come to visit, he and I are planning an overnight hike while the grandparents do night duty!

The only option seems to be the old break-it-in-three-nights crying solution. This is not very straightforward when Emmanuelle's crying can wake the whole house, and Keziah and I have to go to school and work with some semblance of awakeness ;-)

So guess what? Kez and I have moved out for 3 nights, leaving Tim to hold the fort and be strong in the face of impending tearfulness. Tim's solution? Last night he took a mild sleeping tablet and slept through the night without waking until 0710. He has no clue whether Emmanuelle woke or not, cried or not ... but she woke up this morning seeming very chipper! What a guy :-)

It might be raining buckets but it's feeling very jolly in the Heathcote home!