Got this link in an email from a friend of mine.
The 25 funniest analogies collected by high school english teachers

My first though after I stopped laughing was - well it's about time the X-Generation made their own unique mark on literature. Decades later - Thigh master would be considered quaint tools used by ancient peoples and it is only right they make their way in to literature thus.

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.
This was a real memo sent out by IBM to its
employees in all seriousness. It went to all field
engineers about a computer peripheral problem.

The author of this memo was quite genuine. The
engineers rolled on the floor!

Mouse Balls & Mouse Ball Inspection


If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically,
it may need a ball replacement. Mouse Balls are now
available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because
of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement
of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly
trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls
by examining the underside of the mouse Domestic
balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball
removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer
of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop
off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist
off method.

Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However,
excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may
be used immediately. It is recommended that each
person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum
customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls
should contact the local personnel in charge of removing
and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly
working balls is an unhappy customer.

5 Cents in da house

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
Project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
Then leaves.

* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also
applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn
into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home
with the kids or start a "home business".

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it
to work again.

* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and
file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless
paperwork and processes.

* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your
declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just
Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges
displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show
their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from
The outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo!
Aa! Aa! Aa!".

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
Toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your
bed instead.

* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise
At 3:00am.

* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze
cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how
you got here, and where you've come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
Got 4 buttocks.