Thursday night was enjoyed with a Playboy girl.

I’m listening to the radio and I hear that there is a costume party at a club downtown. It’s a pimp and hoe costume party. To make it even better the club has a special guest, Playboy’s Miss January.

I do work in the adult industry so I am likely to know the same people Miss January does.

I grab my white dress shoes, white belt, black pants, black dress shirt, black tie, and a black Hugo Boss jacket I picked up at Value Village. I look like a professional pimp.

I slick my hair back with wax to go with the professional pimp look.

My dad is away in Vegas and he left the car.

I jump in at a little after 11 PM and arrive at the club around 11:30 PM.

There is a HUGE line.

I guess as soon as you mention “Playboy” there is a surge of interest.

I befriended the bouncers of the club in the summer so I bypass the line.

Things are bumping. There are LOTS of hoes, and a few pimps dressed to impress.

Miss January is way back in the VIP room.

She is swarmed by a bunch of guys who want to be known as THE guy that hooked up with a Playboy girl.

I am also interested in meeting Miss January. I decide to wait things out and mingle with the hoes.

The head bouncer, Edwin, comes by and we chitchat.

I ask if he’ll introduce me to the Playboy girl, he says, “Sure.”

Edwin separates the crowd as we make our way to the VIP area.

The VIP table is covered in glasses of cheap Champaign and strawberries covered in chocolate.

I open Miss January with, “Does this happen everywhere you go?” She makes a fake laugh. I respond to her fake laugh with, “Yeah, I know it sounded stupid, but I wanted to see if you had a sense of humour.”

I step over the edge of the table, and squeeze in beside Miss January. I look at Edwin and give him a wink. He laughs and leaves.

It’s obvious that Miss January hears Playboy related topics a lot. Just to open her up I mention a few adult industry related topics. This works.

I move away from adult related material and into personal material.

I researched her a bit before hand. You gotta love Wikipedia

I looked up where she lives (she lives about 30 minutes outside my city) and what other modeling she’s doing. I bring up topics related to what I discovered on Wikipedia. This hooks her and we click.

She’s paid to mingle with the crowd and I don’t want to tick off the club owner.

After 15 minutes I end our conversation by telling her I have to go. I give her my number and wish her a good evening.

Walking away from the VIP table I notice a difference in the crowd. The pimps appear jealous of me, and the hoes appear interested in me.

I have conversations with a couple of decent looking hoes, but my lack of interest keeps the conversations short.

I decide to leave the club, alone, and head to bed, alone.

Having a successful conversation with a Playboy girl is a double-edged sword; you’re on cloud nine but nothing else seems worth your while.

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So no whining about the walk you’ve developed and how that represents YOU as you are now. If that walk doesn’t work, kill it. Time to get a new one.

And there’s a bonus beyond the initial differences that changing your body language communicates to the outside world.

It also can change your inner one. That’s right, we’re going to attack confidence both ways, coming and going.

Seriously, this works. The Japanese have long held the belief that a cluttered home leads to a cluttered mind, and a clean one, a clear one. The outer world touches our inner one, and when you change the way you move, you also change the way you think.

Don’t believe me? Try it. Pick a wall and stand up straight against it. Your feet, butt, shoulders, and head should all touch the wall, exerting about the same amount of pressure (no smooshing). Now walk away from the wall, but hold the pose for 5 minutes.

How do you feel? Right, like someone stuck a pole up your ass. Just what we were going for.

It’s going to feel weird for awhile, because it’s different and new. Keep going, though, and eventually it won’t feel weird. In fact, it’ll start to feel GOOD. You’ll find yourself with this new CONFIDENCE that wasn’t there before and doesn’t seem to have much of an explanation. It’s not your inner exercises – you’ll get to know that feeling. It’s… nothing.

Except that you are standing like you are confident. Cause and affect get blurred, and you wind up FEELING a certain way just because you are ACTING that way.

Either way, you look better standing straight, and you project confidence to all comers. Women find you more attractive, even if they aren’t self-aware enough to know why. Co-workers and those around you often might comment that you seem… DIFFERENT.

Congratulations young Jedi, you’re on your way.

Standing up straight is about as basic as it comes, but non-verbal communication goes much deeper.

When you walk and lead with your head, not only are you hunching and sending out uncomfortable self-conscious shrinking vibes, but you’re also telling people that you tend to THINK a lot. Maybe more than you should.

Lead with your stomach, it speaks to your appetites and emotions.

Lead with your pelvis, and it says you are sexually experienced and confident.

This might sound like a lot of crap, but try it. Walk around for awhile leading with different parts of your body, and notice the changes that happen in your head. It’s real, VERY real. And there’s no reason bad chairs in abandoned classrooms should have more of a say about how you feel than you do.

Those nervous tics, those fidgety hands? Lose ‘em. Every button you finger while talking to someone – especially an attractive woman who’s trying to make a snap judgment about you – is a negative. Every fast sudden motion says you have low self-esteem – it’s like you have to get it done before some stronger guy comes along to stop you.

It’s like the beta wolves trying to feed before the alpha wakes up and wants more – complete with herky-jerky looks to check for his approach. This instinct runs deep.

When you make eye-contact and drop it first. Oh god no. In our part of the animal kingdom, this is strong supplicating behavior. There are monkeys which tear the arms off other animals – including humans – if they don’t drop gaze first.

So if you are looking at a woman and look away before she does? You’ve just said she’s in control, and her chances of becoming attracted to you pretty much disappear.

That’s not to say you stare from a far distance. That’s stalker behavior – when far enough away betas get bolder – and she’ll think you a freak. This is about close quarters, the moment before a conversation starts.

Crossing your arms? Stop that. You’re telling everyone to stay away, so don’t be surprised when they do.

Leaning in to your target? Why not just say “I want to have sex with you.” That’s exactly what you’re doing, and most guys do it so early that it’s a major turn-off (unlike once she’s primed, in which case it can start speeding things up).

Standing in her personal space (which for most people is about 18 inches to 3 feet away)? You’re triggering her to run away, which is NOT a feeling you want linked with you. Standing right on the border of her personal space? This can be golden if you do it right, creating a certain tension in her mind although she probably won’t know what from. Much like really needing to piss can lead to a boner, this tension can become sexual.

Standing well outside her personal space and not directing your body at her, remaining somewhat detached? Now that’s good – she’s gonna want to know why she doesn’t have your attention, and might start working to get YOUR approval. Don’tcha love that?

There are thousands of little cues we give off to each other, and the BEST way to learn them is to see them in action. Go out and find some guys doing well with the ladies. Watch them, see what they’re doing with their bodies, and what responses they are getting. If you think you’ve identified a non-verbal communication that signals confidence or sexual prowess or just general alpha-ness, go practice it. Try it out. Odds are you won’t get it the first time, but don’t let that discourage you. There is no better way.

Derek Vitalio

Check out Derek Vitalio material:

• Derek Vitalio Seduction Newsletter
• Get The Girlfriend
• Blissnosis Master Program
• Seduction Archetypes
• Seduction Science, 3rd Edition
• Seduction Science eBook
• Deep Inner Game Series

Learn to attract women at www.facebook.co.uk
. Learn seduction from other pick up artists like David DeAngelo, Vin DiCarlo and Neil Strauss

In Junior High, I knocked over a metal bar that guided the cafeteria line. As the divider clanged and echoed throughout the large room, a silence descended, waiting to see whether fight or flight was in order with such a large noise.

Neither was; once everyone realized what had happened, laughter came. Looking back, I now know that much of the laughter was just a release of momentary unwarranted panic – not all of it was REALLY about me.

But it sure felt that way. Everyone – EVERYONE – was looking at me cackling. Some were pointing. A few goofs were doing impressions in the back.

And, worst of all, one of the closest tables was full of cute girls from my class. Including the one I really liked. Being closer to the explosive aural pierce, they were amongst the heartiest laughers. The girl I liked was elbowing her friends and whispering while staring and snickering at me.

I ran out of there, devastated in the way Junior High Schoolers all are at one point or another.

For days, whenever I saw my crush in the hall or in class, my face reddened remembering the cafeteria. I grew scared of her presence. I avoided her, as well as all her cute friends.

Time went on, and I found myself having that scared embarrassed feeling triggered by any of the cute girls who saw me. Soon it was all cute girls. And soon I was a wreck around anyone I found attractive.

We all have different triggers, but an early experience of embarrassment plants a STRONG seed. That’s why naturals usually start out with success – they never had to deal with a bad seed startup.

Most of us do. And you know what? It’s the greatest cause for a man failing with a woman.

You always hear about how confidence is important, and it’s true. Expectations are an important factor in creating our reality, whether it’s because you preach what you practice in your head, or it’s because you willingly accept what you expect while you discount actions outside your vision of reality.

So confidence creates the right atmosphere for you to succeed. What’s more, instead of being a mere cog in the humdrum, confidence can inspire you to stand out, to break from the crowd, and – actually – to be more of who you really are (since you aren’t scared of personal flaws).

On the other hand, negative thoughts ruin you. Subconsciously or not, by believing in negativity you court it, you nurture it, you encourage situations that COULD play out poorly to, and in fact, do so.

Nowhere is this more clear than with women.

You know something interesting I’ve found? When dealing with women, a situation with a high potential to go wrong – say she insults you, blows you off – actually leads to success MORE than a comfortable yet bland encounter does.

Why? If you have the CONFIDENCE to believe that things will turn out right, you don’t get nervous. You don’t get knocked off your game. You instead come right back at her in a cool witty way, and that confidence SHINES.

You look like a leader. A man who isn’t scared of the world and who’s comfortable in it.

You look damn sexy.

Confidence is not something you’re born with, it’s a habit, as is negative thought.

And I can help you switch from one to the other.

First, I want you to catch your negative thinking as it happens. Picture yourself an observer of your mind. Any time you say something mean to yourself (and most people do this fairly regularly), stop yourself. Ask yourself why.

Don’t rationalize away your flaws – sometimes you’ll have done something wrong. But instead of beating yourself up, look at it as a learning experience. Instead of thinking of yourself as some broken human, see yourself as a work in progress. We all are. We all err.

The only thing to do about it is improve next time. Repeating how much you suck only hurts the situation.

Not to mention, it makes for boring conversation at parties.

If you catch yourself, STOP YOURSELF. If a girl rejects you, don’t think about all the things you can’t change and worry about that zit.

That doesn’t matter.

What matters is what you CAN change – and odds are, the zit has nothing on your behavior when it comes to women.

Don’t slap your bald spot – analyze your conversation and try to pinpoint where you lost her.

Take note of it in your attraction journal, the last page. Title that page “The Banishment Index” and create a nearby page you title “Fixin’ To Be Me.” After you’ve written down what went wrong in Banishment, go to Fixin’ and write down how it can go right. Leave space between entries for refinements as you test out your new thoughts, new lines, new theories.

Even if you aren’t getting the responses you want from your fixes, be cool with that. After all, you’re on the right track. You’re being proactive.

Now, we don’t just want to get rid of negative feelings, we want to foster positive ones.

So I’ve got an exercise for you. It may sound strange, but this is what professional athletes do to compete, so trust me, it’s very real.

First, create a calm and relaxed atmosphere, free of emotion. Set yourself aside from the world, and set aside a slot of time for this. You don’t want to be worrying about the dog’s walk.

Lots of people do this through simple breathing meditation – that is, watch your breathing. Just observe it going in and out of your body, how that feels. Count your breaths – from 1 to 10 and back again – until your mind is clear.

If you want, you can lie down and imagine your breath entering your entire body, blowing it up like a balloon, and every time you exhale, another body part relaxes: first your left foot, than your right, next your left lower leg and so on until your body is completely relaxed and free of tension.

Now, picture yourself in a situation with a girl. You should have thought about what it is before, but picture the conversation. Imagine it going extremely well. Imagine yourself getting the girl – however you’d most like to get her, do it.

Repeat.

This is how Greg Maddux and Randy Johnson pitch batters. This is how Barry Bonds hits home runs – the non-steroid ones, at least. You have to imagine yourself succeeding so you know what to do when you’re on the path.

Do this a lot. Do this with all different sorts of scenarios. If you’re having trouble letting go of negative situations in the past, imagine them turning out a completely different and positive way. Whenever the situation crops up, remember that you can and would handle it differently now.

If I knocked over the divider now, I’d do a small stand-up around it, sit down with the cute girls, and say “Congratulations ladies – you’re with the star.”

Don’t kid yourself – I didn’t do that; but I would now.

Really, the only thing standing between you and the hottest women in the world is your belief. If you don’t think you can get her, she’ll sense that and you won’t.

If you believe that you can – and indeed, you WILL, and she’ll be the lucky one – well, you won’t get them all, but you’d be surprised how often that simple switch works by itself.

It’ll take time before you can get yourself consistently confident – once you’ve broken through one barrier, you’ll probably stumble on the next. But you’ll be making constant PROGRESS, your confidence will continue to rise, until NO barrier seems insurmountable.

And none of them are. For anyone. Do I need to list the loser-like guys I know who are anything but losers with the ladies again?

Don’t make me do it.

Create your own movie, with you as the star, and watch as people treat you that way. You’ll establish mad social value as you cruise a room handling every situation deftly – and women will sniff that power like cats in heat.

Derek Vitalio

Check out Derek Vitalio material:

• Derek Vitalio Seduction Newsletter
• Get The Girlfriend
• Blissnosis Master Program
• Seduction Archetypes
• Seduction Science, 3rd Edition
• Seduction Science eBook
• Deep Inner Game Series

You can also attract women on www.facebook.co.uk

Learn seduction from other pick up artists like David DeAngelo, Vin DiCarlo and Neil Strauss