I've needed a real document shredder for a long time. I used to simply tear or cut through the credit card offers and old bank statements that I felt were a liability, but that got old. Then, once I was standing in line at Kinkos and saw a battery-operated handheld shredder that was a real bargain. Of course it was—no one would ever find it practical! I found the type of single-pronged electrical adapter it required to plug it into the wall and found it worked a little better than with battery power, but it was still weak, and I had to painstakingly fold everything in half for it to shred into straight cuts that simply fell to the floor.

My friend Justin has a really high-tech shredder with all the bells and whistles, and since moving to my new house, I figured I, too, needed a fancier model—one that at least catches the shredded scrap paper.

I decided to look at the big box office stores—the Staples and Office Depots of the world—for some shredder that would be practical. The options!

Shredders run anywhere from $25 for a basic shredder atop a plastic receptacle, to $400 for larger models with stainless steel-look finishes that can shred credit cards, CDs, and no doubt anything else you can fit through the slot into diamond-shaped shards. Maybe they even incinerate the remains. I just wanted something simple and I hoped I wouldn't have to spend too much.

Office Depot's selection overwhelmed me. The rise of identity theft as America's Most Feared Crime must have been a huge boon to the shredder industry, as it was to the credit monitoring agencies. Not only are people obsessed with buying the coolest shredders with looks that rival those of sexier kitchen appliances, but they must be game for dropping a load of money on extended warranties, special baggies for shredded waste, and lubricants.

Yes, folks... You can never have a shredder that's too lubed up. It turns out that the office supply super stores will tell you it's recommended you lubricate your shredder regularly. Office Depot sold $30 bottles of shredder lubricant and warned me gravely that failing to use the recommended Office Depot lubricant, or substituting an inferior alternative, like WD-40, would void the warranty. This was an awful lot more information that I was feeling prepared to absorb on a Saturday afternoon, so I just left the store when the simplest model I might have been willing to consider was out of stock.

I later went to Staples, which was a bit more pleasant. I found some boxy store-brand models that looked more like stainless steel toaster ovens. I asked for some help and was pleased when the employee didn't try to scare me with stern warnings about the effects of not using shredder lube. Staples only sold a type of lubricated paper, but I decided I'd take my chances. Then, I discovered the particular model I had my eye on was going on sale (with mail-in rebate) the next day. I returned and am now the proud owner of a really cute shredder.

My shredder still requires me to fold open mail in half to feed it through the slot. It's really designed to shred unopened junk mail. It's pretty powerful and turns paper into confetti-like shreds. Some garbage collection services won't recycle your shredded paper because paper mills just don't want its worthlessly short fibers. If you have yard waste pickup, many cities will accept shredded paper that way. That way, it can be turned into compost.

Most people don't need to be quite so paranoid about shredding junk mail and should just leave it unshredded and recycle it. Obviously, you should shred items with social security numbers, bank, credit account or retirement account numbers, and so on, but you might want to go beyond protecting your mere identity and protecting your privacy, which could mean shredding even more stuff, like anything with your name or contact information on it. Think about what you feel comfortable with. This article from my state's attorney general office is helpful (What to Shred).

Shred on, shred-dites!