I was looking forward

you let your fingers
 slide down my ass
 you touched and felt..
 and felt me get wet
 your smile triumphant
 let me know you knew
 exactly the effect
 your nakedness had on me
 
 my tongue flickered involuntarily
 and I new I'd have to taste you
 
 I wanted to fill your every crevice
 The space between your neck and ear
 Your collarbone
 Your nipples that speak hard
 And sound soft
 
 My mouth covered your breasts
 In silent ecstasy
 And I could hear your
 Not so silent moan of pleasure
 But dear god I have to taste you

Choice, Orientation, Fate…. Why am I attracted to other women? Why am I in love with my best friend?  Am I normal? What’s wrong with me?

These are some of the questions that a lot of women agonize over in the long journey to attaining self identity and self knowledge. It doesn’t help if there is no visibility, acknowledgment and acceptance of others who have undertaken the same journey.

Some call it a matter of choice. It can be. But  choice made after agonizing soul searching, sleepless nights and very stressful days often to the point of breakdown. And so to dismiss it as merely a “choice that one can change” is both unreasonable, impractical, ignorant and inhumane.

Others accept that it is Orientation. We are born this way. It is in our genes, in our blood to be attracted to other women. In fact, there have been some scientific studies aimed at supporting this theory. So again to dismiss Lesbians, Gay or Bi women (in fact all gay people) as “inherently disordered” is again displaying ignorance and a high level of intolerable cruelty.

Other’s call it fate, tradition, culture etc… It is not fate. It can be in the tradition or culture (as in some tribes in Kenya) but this is hardly fate. And while we acknowledge that in tradition, there have been instances where women have lived with women due to cultural demands, we also reiterate that there are many women who have done so because they wanted to. The tradition or specific culture offered them opportunity to live as Lesbians, Gay and Bi women. The traditional set-up (which has since been destroyed in most cases) affirmed, accepted and provided these women an environment where there were free to be themselves.

This is sorely lacking in post modern Kenya. Whether by choice, Orientation, Fate etc… It is a fact that Lesbian, Gay and Bi women exist in our society. Continual denial of our presence and who we are is a violation of our human rights. Whatever the reason, we exist, we are here and we are proud to be who we are.

There are no walls, no sentries

But it is a prison.

when will i be free?

In five years? Ten? Fifteen? Twenty?

Will I ever be free?

Free to walk the land as myself

Free to be in the open

Free to enjoy the sun and the birds singing in the acacia trees

Free to walk along the beaches of the beautiful coast

Free to be out of this prison of aloness and loneliness

Free to walk hand in hand with my loved one

The woman wo continues to try and be with me

But I am afraid for her and for me

Afraid that she too is in a prison

She is not free. Neither am I

When will we be free?

When will we stop being "non citizens"

And be free to roam our land

Enjoy the beauty of living

Together, hand in hand, my lady and I

In five, Ten, Fifteen, Twenty years?

Ever?

This is what is happening to lesbian and bisexual women in Kenya. Those who profess christianity are especially intense in their hostile attacks, comments and deliberate misinformation directed to those who are ignorance of such issues. It is shameful. They say homosexuality is a foreign thing. Well actually, chrisianity is the foreign culture here. There were and always have been gay people even before christianity came to Africa. Even before christianity itself. Please do your research properly. In the meantime whatever happened to those sacred teachings? what was it..."why do you see the chip in your sister's eye and refuse to acknowledge the log in your own eye"? Quote from Jesus of Nazareth.