It has been some time since I have cried over the thoughts on the world. I , like most americans, beleived that the world was run by those who did not care. My voice could never be heard over the thousands that shouted power, greed, and money. I don't know when it first happened but somewhere along growing up I realized that because I did not vote, because I did not partake in the civil rights granted me I was not apart of the Government. If I truly believe change can happen then let it start with me.

This was how I registered to vote four months ago. This thought is what led me to believe in the process so many men started a long time ago. I still have skepticism and I realize that some change I will not like. Still it is the belief, the hope that change can come and in its wisdom we will see it through our children's children.

I cried when I heard this video this morning. I do not know why. I only know what I feel.

Hope.

Thanks for reading.

~Dragon.

It is another day in the house of Che Gywnne. I must tell you that the spiritual serenity that flows in this house is a wonderful gift. Right now I am typing on the blog, having just cleared my yahoo email box and spam folder, (again). lol. Life? it just is. I am in a new town, new store for work, running a tshirt business that is not selling t-shirts but that over three thousand people have hit in a month. (just an economy thing right now.) I have written one book soon to be published in a month. Having the second book almost ready to put to the editor. I eat everyday, I am in the wind on two wheels. I have my family around me. Life is rolling and that is a good thing.

So what am I ranting about? I dont know. Three words I have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that are saving my life. I used to hate those words, figured I always had to "know" , ya know? Today its different. I don't always have an answer. I don't know why Ian is sulking every twenty minutes. Or why I have to point out the obvious of rinsing the bathtub out after a shower. Or why he still hasn't gotten a job and spent a month goofing off before getting to school. I have no control over him or the way his mom raises him. I am just here to do what I must do be an example.

Sometimes I am tired of being the example so I fall down, get selfish and say fuck it. I have wanted to leave so many times in the last three months that I can't even count. Its not for lack of love, communication or honesty. Simply that I am tired of not having a person I can count on. I don't really, I can only count on myself. I can only rely upon God. I know he put me here, my life is exactly as he wants it to be which includes the people in it. There fore what is the lesson I am learning?

That wasn't such an easy question three months ago. All I could see was what everyone else was doing wrong. I could list for you ( if you cared to know) what her problems were, his problems were, the cats problems were, The other him, his problems were. The whole while living in the victim role of look at what I have to deal with. Its pathetic actually when you think about it. The truth comes down to this: I am learning what powerless means to me. I am learning I can't control anyone's elses actions but my own. Believe me my actions are quite enough to handle. So I have to focus on remaining powerless because that keeps me in conscious contact with my higher power. That is what I need, because he is all I will ever need to survive. Everything else?

Everything else is a gift. A beautiful gift from God.

Thank you Lord,

For my family, my sobriety, my life, my purpose, my love, her sweet kisses, his zany comedy, and his insight and horrible dancing. I love them all. even the ones I don't know I can love because hate, fear, jealously, and doubt are fake friends that lead me to chaos and spiritual bondage.

I needed to blog. hmm.. whoever came up with the idea to create a place for people to fourth step was genius.

This is genius. KEEP Blogging People. It will save your life!

Thanks for reading,

Dragon:

for I am a dragon, I am his dragon. Watch how I will soar.

Our first commercial!!

The persistence of this illusion is astonshing. Many follow it into the gates of hell.

If this sentence makes you sigh, then you know where to go. If it bothers you call a hotline.

IF it intrigued you read on....

If the world exists then it is real. If the world did not exist then everything around you, all the things that you see, take for granted are illusions.

When you can master that everything else becomes second. The only thing real is nothing, everthing.

Perspective -

Use it or Loose it.

If you turned to this page,

You're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality.

Think about that.

Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place.

You're going to die a horrible death, remember.

Its all good training, and you'll enjoy it more if you keep the facts in mind.

The persistence of this illusion is astonshing. Many follow it into the gates of hell.

If this sentence makes you sigh, then you know where to go. If it bothers you call a hotline.

IF it intrigued you read on....

If the world exists then it is real. If the world did not exist then everything around you, all the things that you see, take for granted are illusions.

When you can master that everything else becomes second. The only thing real is nothing, everthing.

Perspective -

Use it or Loose it.

If you turned to this page,

You're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality.

Think about that.

Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created teh mess you got yourself into in the first place.

You're going to die a horrible death, remember.

Its all good training, and you'll enjoy it more if you keep the facts in mind.

I was surfing the blogs and other spaces found inspiration through others writings, rants and general ideas.

Then I looked up my dream from last night. Well that is no surprise on the meaning.

Dom wrote about a show that talked about a "broken picker" also there was reference to loving yourself to fulfill your emotional needs.

Nenee posted a quote by Anthony Robins. To paraphase, most people enter into a relationship to get something, have some need fulfilled. The long lasting relationship however is entered into when you seek to give something.

Both excellent points as well as sound advice. I pass them to you.

I had to learn the hard way about codependency, needs, wants and desires. I love my friend, please don't take it the wrong way it is simply my way recognizing my patterns, mistakes and seeking to grow.

There is a girl within me that yearns for love, acceptance, peace and adventure. She is often scared and unsure, overcompensates with actions, and also compulsively spends. She is smart, wholesome and lively. I recognized through the course of this past year that she has gone unchecked. My sponsor had me do a serious of letters, amends, and verbal exercises to get in touch with her. Today I treat myself with kindness, I mother myself, and discipline my own actions.

It is ironic then to see the manifestation of these defects reflected in my partner's view of myself. She is a strong woman, whom I have the deepest respect, love, and gratitude. She shows me, or tells me when others would have been gentile the truth. I don't always like hearing the truth as it can hurt but I walk through it with a better understanding of myself and my actions.

I am very grateful for her willingness to be honest with me. The rest is up to me. If I stop with her comments then I am not doing myself justice. It is the same with my sponsor, or anyone in my life that is worthy of being my friend. Even my family has some influence, but only those I admire for the qualities they are attempting to teach.

In the end if I seek growth, understanding and love I must, MUST hear, listen and act accordingly. This is the fundamental idea of becoming a better human. In my book, I wrote about the life of a girl who walked through some hard times, faltered on unstable ground and ultimately fell through the cracks of her own making. She wanted to die, to leave, to never be apart of the world she coveted but didn't want her. (percieved)

In the end she found the ability to try one more time. There was one subtle difference:

She cast out her old ideas of hate, bitterness, jealousy, anger and fear with the belief

that new ones would be replacing them.

It is her journey to finding the one person she never knew.

Herself.

~Dragon

Its early this morning, about 12 minutes to Seven. I am up with my coffee, smoke and the internet.

Yesterday was fun lets see....

I was heading eastbound on Florence Blvd toward my sponsor's house. I was on the rebel going almost 35, the light ahead of me was green but I noticed that the cars were still at a stop. I was coming up on them pretty fast so I downshifted and began to slow down. To my left is the suicide lane. There was a car there intending to turn left into the food city parking lot. My eyes shifted back to the light when the suicide car put its blinker on and swerved in front of me. I immediately stopped, braking hard and down shifting to first.

Shaking my head I motioned with my right hand for him to go ahead. They decided to squeal their tires and swerve some more into the lane then take off.

Okay.... I have this image of crazy driver so I wait a minute to allow him some room. Thats when I heard it, The lock up of tires and screeching brakes of someone coming to a halt behind me. The guy wasn't looking I guess because he broke hard. It wasn't that close but then I heard the screeching of tires on the asphalt and he was a lot closer. I jumped up off the bike to avoid being slammed into, scared the shit out of me.

The bike went down as I was not holding it up and I asked the guy if he was okay, he was. I lifted the bike up and found that he didn't hit me. His front bumper was touching,.... ToUChinG my saddle bag. Talk about close.

WoW... okay a man helped me get the bike off the road. I called my girl, then boomer. The shifting lever on the bike snapped at the bolt but we are both okay. *me and the bike* I was a little shaken but not mixed so good to go.

Cancelled my sponsor meeting and then we had dinner.

wooo! what a day.

Okay so the pic is of A's bike with my friend Lindee and her two girls on it. aren't they cute?

Hope all is well in your world.

Remember, every car is an asshole. Till the driver steps out and gives you aid. Thats the only way to ride safe.

~DRagon

HOPE you enjoy.... Sound quality is a bit poor, so turn it up!