http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl en-us Sat, 01 Mar 2008 15:45:47 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=88
As I mentioned in my previous post, it won't be quite as nice as last year. I have much less free time and I can't take an extra suitcase just for Kelly's wardrobe like I did last year. I've been thinking of what I really want/need to bring. I've been thinking and thinking about this for days now. This morning was my chance to pack the suitcase. I selected one old favorite outfit and a few new blouses, slacks and shoes that I purchased just recently. Of course I needed to make room for my foundations, makeup and jewelry--and I can't forget the camera!

I packed Kelly's wardrobe first to see what's left for my normal daytime clothes. Just like a woman, she took up the entire suitcase and begged for more room. In the end we compromised. She got to keep everything she put in the suitcase and nothing more. I managed to pack everything away very carefully with enough room for my daytime clothes too.

I'm rather proud of the packing job, in a geeky sort of way, because I was able to arrange things such that a casual visual inspection of the suitcase won't show any signs of Kelly. That's a big deal when I have a wig, breast forms, hip pads, two pairs of pumps and a pair of boots that most certainly wouldn't be mistaken for anything other than what they are.

This will be an interesting trip. I didn't pack any dresses at all, and only one skirt. For this trip I'm channeling the influence of my dear friend DJ Ms DD.

I'm really excited about the trip. Hopefully by this time next week I'll have pictures to post.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I'm freaking out a bit because I can't find the special memory card that I use for my portraits. Obviously I had it for the last photo session. I had to put it away someplace special to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. I just can't remember where the heck I put it! I've checked every place I can think of. Unfortunately my last memory of it is that I had it in the pocket of my blue jeans. I know I took it out and put it somewhere, but I can't remember that at all. Or did I forget and leave it in the pocket, only to take a ride in the washing machine. I think that's unlikely. It would have fallen out and I'd have gotten a lot of grief about what I was doing with a memory card in my pocket. Ugh. My brain is failing me again!
]]> Sat, 01 Mar 2008 15:45:47 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=87
I attended this same conference about this time last year and I had an absolutely fabulous time--and I have the pictures to prove it. That trip was special because it was my first trip to the that area and my wife graciously agreed that it made sense to stretch the trip by an extra day to do a little sight seeing while I was there. That extra day was pure heaven, although I spent most of it in the hotel room with a camera and a few of my favorite garments.

This year I don't have the luxury of that extra day and I'll also be traveling with several close co-workers. Not close enough that they know anything about Kelly though. So it's going to be hard to get away from the group for a little quality personal time. I'm still hopeful that I'll make the time, but it won't be like last year.
]]> Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:44:48 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=85
I also found out that her husband knows too. When I first approached her with my story I told her that it was okay for her to share anything I say with her husband--as long as it stays between the two of them. I love and trust both of them. I didn't want to force her to keep my secret from her husband. I may be ruining my marriage, I don't want to ruin theirs too. Well the good news is that he's accepted me as well. Again, he doesn't understand the crossdressing but it's not like he's spent a lifetime thinking about like I have.

I guess the lack of acceptance of the crossdressing is my step backwards. I think the best way to proceed is to discretely show my sister a photograph of Kelly. I want to show her who I am, that I'm not her brother in a dress. Obviously one of my newest pics will work nicely (like the one at the top of the page). I'm quite happy with my current look and I don't mind showing those pics. I don't have any pictures that I'm ashamed of, but some of the earlier ones are closer to her fetishistic interpretation and I'm afraid that they'd send the wrong signal.

I've also had to cancel my planned TG meeting. As much as I need to go, my wife can't handle it. If I have to choose between Kelly and her I have to choose her--but I really want both.
]]> Sat, 09 Feb 2008 02:42:41 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=83 ]]> Tue, 05 Feb 2008 03:22:01 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=80
The first thing you may notice about my photos is that it's an entirely new location. If you look at the geotagging on the photos you'll see that I moved a few miles. But that's not what I wanted to talk about either.

You may have noticed that the lighting is better. Well that's because about a year ago now I went out and invested in a good set of studio lights. As you can see, they make all the difference in the world. Kalina Isato had good lighting in her studio for my Awesome Makeover session and that's when it really hit home that I needed to get serious about lighting if I was at all serious about photography. Unfortunately, they sat unused for all that time while I was waiting for a photo shoot to try them out. Actually, that's not true. I actually used them as painter's lights when I was repainting the house. It killed me to use them in this way, but it did two things for me. It allowed me to play with them, and it provided me with a cover story for purchasing them. This way I wouldn't have to hide them. They were simply tools.

I've already mentioned my new wig in my Flickr photos. I hope you like it. Several friends suggested that I try something new and I'm glad they did. I really love it. But, it's not what I set out to purchase. My favorite long straight auburn wig that I've had for about two years now turned up missing once again. I'd already replaced it once when it mysteriously disappeared, and here I had to replace it yet again. I certainly didn't want to have to resort to my ratty old blond wigs, so it was time for a trip to the local wig shop once again. I had every intention of purchasing an exact duplicate for the one I lost. In fact I did just that. I also went ahead and purchased a second wig, the one you see pictured above, at the same time. It wasn't until I started laying out the clothes for this photo session when I found the missing wig. Apparently I really wanted to protect the wig so I carefully wrapped it up in one of my favorite skirts that I'd packed away for the move. With God as my witness, I searched high, low and everywhere in between looking for that wig but apparently I didn't unfold that skirt far enough to find it. So now I have two identical wigs plus a new one. My new replacement is still in the original box. I figured I'd keep it as a spare in case it every gets lost again. But now that I think about it, I might just take it back and see if I can't get one in a lighter shade.

Now the really big thing I wanted to mention was my new waist cincher. You can see it just below my bra. I've really wanted to get a good waist cincher and/or corset for a long time now. I've read enough to know that a good fitting is very important. A lot of the better retailers want detailed measurements to custom fit/make the garment just for me. Even if I could take the proper measurements, ordering it online and having it shipped to the house would be problematic. So I decided to make one myself. I had three nights to do it.

I've had this dream of making one for a long time now. A few years back I whipped up something simple out of some good strong denim from an old pair of jeans. It allowed me to practice with the sewing machine and demonstrate beyond a doubt the necessity of getting the measurements just right. This stuff doesn't stretch, so it has to fit right.

I read online a few articles on making your own corset. One site suggested wearing a tight t-shirt and wrapping one's self in layer after layer of duct tape to get the right shape. It felt absolutely wonderful as I was wrapping myself one wrap at a time. I'd never experienced the wonderful feeling of being laced tightly and it was simply marvelous. I felt my posture improving and an ever increasing feeling of support. It was quite intoxicating. I wrapped myself tighter than I ever thought possible and I loved every second. Now I was also trying to be very careful to take it slow and conserve my energy. The last thing I wanted to do was black out from a lack of oxygen. More than that, I was afraid that if I couldn't get enough air that I'd start to panic and there was simply now way I could cut this think off of me quickly, especially if my chest was heaving with gasping breaths.

Once fully wrapped, I did indulge myself for a moment and walked around a bit taking in the wonderful feeling. The next step was to make a cut down the front and peel the duct tape template off my body. I could clearly see that I'd captured the curves that I so desperately wanted. In order to transfer those curves to flat sheets of fabric I needed to make a few more vertical cuts into my template. I cut the template into eight equal strips a few inches wide. It was a trade-off between how accurately I wanted to capture the shape and how many seams I wanted to sew. Before cutting, I did one thing that really simplified things later on. I marked and numbered every cut line. I'd mark cut #4 with 4L and 4R just on either side of the line. I also marked each template with a number. Between the two numbering schemes I wasn't going to have to worry about getting them mixed up once everything was cut apart. With the templates fully marked and cut, I called it quits for the night.

For the cincher itself, I bought a few yards of heavy black satin material. I used two layers to double the strength and to make sure I had a nice smooth finish inside and out. I simply folded the satin with the back sides together and laid out each template on top. I would have cut out the material the first night, but I quickly discovered that my old scissors were too dull to do a decent job of it. I'd have to run out to buy a new pair the next day. It was a good stopping point anyway.

Any seamstress will tell you that the next part is critical. I laid out the template with a 3/8" seam allowance all around the template. Originally I tried to skip this part and simply trace the outine of the template itself leaving plenty of spare all around for the allowance. That would have been fine, but when it came time to sew the pieces together it was much easier to line up precisely cut fabric edges, than it was to estimate where the sew lines were and match everything up. Don't forget I was sewing four layers (two per template) at a time. I made one seam the hard way then I went back and cut the pieces properly.

I nearly forgot to mention, there was one place that I needed to extend the template. I knew that I wanted to add extra material in the back to allow me to open up the garment about 6" from the fully-closed position. I also knew that I'd need to have some extra material where I could attach the metal grommets on both sides. I decided to add an extra 10" just to be safe. This would give me my 6" opening and 2" per side to make folds for the grommets. I really wanted to be generous here. Better to have too much fabric than not enough.

The way I laid out the fabric, I never cut the back two pieces apart. I simply added the 10" of extra material between them and cut them out as one large piece that I sewed to the other ones. For each seam, I ran a single stitch down the seam line, and then with both seam allowances pressed to one side I ran a second stitch right along the edge to give me greater strength. Actually the front seam was different. I knew that I wanted to insert a zipper here so I simply basted a quick stitch down the front to hold the two parts together until I put the zipper in. This is when I discovered that the zipper I purchased wouldn't work at all. It was meant for pants or a skirt where the bottom of the zipper always stayed closed. I needed one meant for a jacket or something where the two halves completely separated. Oh well, it was a good place to stop for the night anyway.

On the third day I bought a good heavy zipper, it was a bit bulkier than I'd have liked but with that much force against it I didn't want to skimp. While at the fabric store I noticed a pack of 2" wide black satin trim probably meant as the border on a childs pillow. The border would be perfect for finishing the top and bottom of the cincher. With the materials in hand I had everything I needed to finish the cincher. With a closed seam I placed the zipper behind the seam and carefully stitched the zipper in place. Again I made sure to run two full passes on each side for strength. With the zipper in place, I ripped out the basting seam and watched the cincher open and close for the first time.

As added protection for the zipper I recycled something from an old long-line bra. The bra had a front closure with a series of hooks and eyes running up and down the front and this is what I recycled. It wasn't quite as long as I'd have liked but at least it would take some of the stress off of the zipper. To attach it, I simply closed the zipper, closed the hooks and eyes, and ran a pair of seams down both sides to sew it firmly in place.

A few quick passes on the top and bottom of the cincher and the satin border was in place. It really gave a nice finished appearance too. Once again it only added to the strength--always a plus. The last thing was to attach the all important grommets for the lacing. Here is where a previous project came to my aid.

Way back before I'd made the original denim cincher, I tried using a long-line bra as a cincher. I took some nice sturdy belt cording and ran a row of grommets down the length about 1" appart. All I had to do was to sew two strips of this stuff to the back of the long-line bra and ta-da I had a make-shift corset. Unfortunately the bra had too much stretch in the material and it just didn't work very well. But fortunately I was able to reuse the grommetized cording for my new cincher. I simply cut it out of the old bra/corset contraption and sewed it into the cincher. It worked perfectly. At long last I was able to lace the cincher and check it out.

Now completed, I was thrilled to see that it fit perfectly. It was a struggle to cinch it up tight enough to fully close it, but that's just what I wanted. I couldn't be happier with how it turned out.
]]> Wed, 30 Jan 2008 22:34:27 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=75
Well after two full coats the bathroom was done--or so I thought. Upon looking at it under various lighting conditions from broad-daylight (always harsh on a crossdresser) to a lowly incandescent bulb in the wee hours of the night (far more common) I have to agree with my wife and say the room looked awful. Gee, what does that say about my makeup??? (perhaps I needed to do some contouring and shading, maybe add some highlights)

Actually neither of us thought it was awful, but there was something about it that just wasn't right. You guessed it, it needed more paint. We went for a much lighter shade (Tuscan Beige).

We picked the color because we had done another room in this color several years ago and we still had some lying around. Now for all the reasons to re-paint the room that has got to be about the weakest, but it's the truth. I pried open the old can, gave it a through mixing and painted a test patch. We had enough left-over to put one coat on the entire room. I knew that I wouldn't be able to finish the job with the paint I had on hand, so I had planned on purchasing enough new paint to cover both coats. Here is where my downfall begins...

I won't bore you any further with the details, but I re-discovered every lesson I ever learned about painting--the hard way. Never let the paint thicken up, even slightly, if you're painting over paint that hasn't fully cured. The new paint softened up the older stuff and created clumps and tares--or is that tears? After repairing the damage, I hit upon another one. Always do the detailed cut-ins first then roll the rest. I tried rolling the walls first, as I already had a wet roller from doing another room. I didn't want it to dry out while I was doing the detailed work. The rolling went fine, but when I tried to use the brush for the detailed work, I started pulling up the freshly rolled stuff--ahhh, not twice in one job! I felt cursed.




]]> Tue, 29 May 2007 02:46:24 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=73
Well I haven't had a lot of time to focus on my feminine side lately. It's been a sea of projects around the house lately and today's task was like most: Time to paint the master bathroom. We picked out a fairly neutral color called soft wheat.

Now as most of you probably know, painting the bathroom involves a lot of detailed cutting-in. It's tedious work and the mind wanders a bit. As I was painting one fine detail after another something started bothering me about the paint I was using. There was something about it that was completely unlike the other paint I'd used on every other room in the entire house. The more I thought about it, the more I became certain that by subconscious mind was trying to tell me something and I just wasn't getting it.

In my boredom I started thinking about Kelly and it hit me. The paint that I'd been applying for almost an hour now, it looked just like makeup foundation! I knew it looked very familiar. When the paint is wet is takes on a light beige color that is almost exactly the same shade as my CoverGirl foundation. I bet it covers better, and I know it costs a lot less to! Anyway as it dries it resembles the shade that I tend to use more in the summer months when I have a tan going on.

Now tell me, it's it ironic that a crossdresser would paint his bathroom the same color he paints his face! Here I am with a gallon can, a paint brush and a roller. How may times had I wished for that! I mean we all talk about slapping on the paint, but this is just too funny. To make it perfect, the paint has a satin finish. Just what any crossdresser would want! I swear it was a total accident. I didn't even pick out the color. My wife picked it out!

]]> Thu, 24 May 2007 03:38:17 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=69 ]]> Thu, 15 Mar 2007 02:09:03 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=66
This board game has been around for several years, so it's not exactly blog worthy except...

My wife and I had my family over for a New Year's Eve party last night and someone decided to drag out this game and play it. Now let me just say that my family. with the exception of my wife, doesn't know anything about my crossdressing. Or so I thought...

Before we even got the game out of the box, everyone commented on how well I answered the female questions the last time we played (several years ago). I was shocked to hear several of them remember the exact questions and my correct responses. When we started playing again this time I was on the boy's team as usual, it just wasn't fair. I can't say that I knew all the answers but I knew almost every one that the my sister and sister-in-law knew and a few that they didn't!

It got to the point that they told me not to answer the questions for the guys and just let my brother and brother-in-law take a shot at it. Between the two of them they did fairly well but in a pinch they called on me as the ringer.

When the time comes to tell them my little secret I'm sure they will remember this game.

Happy New Year!
Kelly Rae
]]> Mon, 01 Jan 2007 19:58:57 GMT http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Ge40CJQ6fqqSaAYX6fz_tWFl?p=62
A couple of years ago I got fed up with the ever increasing waistline and dress sizes and I started to get serious about diet and exercize.  I went from a size 18 down to a size 14 and it felt wonderful.  This kicked off the requisite shopping sprees that resulted in many of the outfits that you've seen in my pictures.  Rather than purging my shall-we-say larger wardrobe I simply boxed it all up and stored it away.  The velvet skirt was one of the items packed away never to be seen again.

A few months ago I slumped into what I can best describe as a bout of depression and I completely abandoned diet and excercize in my quest for c0mfort foods.  It didn't take long for my favorite outfits to suddenly start getting rather snug shall we say.  I could see myself creeping back into those larger sizes once again although I couldn't bring myself to actually admitting to myself that I needed my fat wardrobe once again.  I didn't want to consider that it might actually be time to put my skinny clothes into those boxes instead.  The last thing I wanted was photos documenting my lapse into plus sizes once again.

After agonizing for a while I remembered a pair of hip pads that I used to wear.  I gave them up when I lost the weight a few years back as I was increasingly fopcused on fitting into ever smaller dress sizes and hip pads weren't helping in that regard.  Now I found myself at the other extreme.   The hip pads actually helped me define a figure and it was less important that I was a few sizes larger than I liked.  Actually it gave me an excuse.  It wasn't me, it was those darn hip pads that drove me back to the larger sizes.  Yeah right.

Whatever the rationalization, it seems to have worked.  I'm happy with my new look.  Actually I'm sort of looking forward to diging through my old wardrobe to find pieces that I can pair up some newer purchases.  I'm actually looking foward to dressing once again and I have to say it feels terrific.

Later,
Kelly Rae
]]> Wed, 13 Dec 2006 03:46:35 GMT