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Last updated Thu Sep 07, 2006 Member since April 2005

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Beethoven is on! I love that movie.at the end, the darts of poison go in the bad guy, not the good guy. yeah!! I love the fact they took all the pups in at the end, just like me.--> Click here Reply

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November 06 Archive
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Friday December 1, 2006 - 03:57pm (PST) Permanent Link | 14 Comments
Mother or Smother!

sea_sun(2)

I'm torn between wanting to do what I do best, and that is Mother or should I say smother my child, and then letting be.  I know he is over 18, and I'm very happy he decided to move back with me after finding out about his possible illness.  Well until we get a diagnoses, I just want him to rest, eat right, and take his herbs.  Of course he wants to go out all hours of the night, hang with friends, not eat right, and not gag down the herbal remedies.   Hopefully we can come to happy compromise.  He is resting now, he doesn't have to work today.  Yeah!!  but he figures if I can work I can play.  He has to work right now to get his medical coverage coming into effect soon.

Were kind of in a stand still at the moment.  The might ifs have come from various doctors while my son was in the hospital for a few accidents he had.  Well in the intrim I have lost my Health Insurance for my family.  Danny was still covered since he was only 18,  but due to the slow down in the construction business out here in San Diego, the company that we were covered under dropped the coverage due to lack of work and we went into Cobra.  744.00 a month they want.   That is insane.  Prior to us finding out that their might be a problem with my son.  we had decided to forego the corbra for now and full knowing that construction will pick up within the next few weeks and we will be covered again.  Not good timing for my son.  Then this illness hits us and now were in a waiting period till his insurance kicks in on Dec. 1st from his job.  Thank God only a few days left but still, in this case a few days could mean a huge difference.  

 I can't stop worrying for him.  Am I doing everything possible?  I quit smoking.  This is driving me nuts.  I'm cooking differently.  Adding more healthy salads and veggies and berries I throw in everything. lol   Isn't berries like the super food of today?  God I don't know.  I'm reading everything I can get my hands on.  My head hurts. Last night my son went out at 9:30 pm,  I worried.  I wanted him home to rest.  I can't chase him away thou, so I just pray.  He has this cough, he spits up blood occasionally, I wish today was December 1st.


Much love , dar
Wednesday November 29, 2006 - 10:57am (PST) Permanent Link | 28 Comments
Seeing the good in all things. It's because of you.


pv_nestled_in_trees

I hope all your holidays were grand and awesome. I also hope you had a chance to say I love you to all your loved ones. 

It was somewhat lonely this year for myself. I spent it alone with my boyfriend.  My youngest son wanted to spend the Thanksgiving day with his friends.  Understandable. My oldest with his girlfriends family.  I wasn't in any shape to really cook a big turkey and well their was some dispute amongst the family so all in all it was good to be alone with my best friend and greatest supporter. Those disputes have ironed their way out and well disputes can be a good thing to bring everyone to a place of understanding. I have to remember that it's not just me going through this but everyone else as well. I need to remember that not everyone can read my mind and I would greatly benefit from being a little more communicative even if it's to moron's within the family. lol 

Yesterday I met my son for lunch at his work.  We had a great time. I got to meet his employers and they had such wonderful things to say about him.  One older lady that works with him and came up to me and said that in this day and age it is so wonderful to come across a teen who has such respect and kindness towards others, even me a old lady. lol She is so precious. She gave me a big hug, and said to me I must be some kind of MOM to raise such a wonderful son. She said to me, Oh you must be Danny's Mom. lol I loved it.

The other night we got a call from Danny, he got a flat tire at 1:00 am and he couldn't change it. We went and got the tire pumped up and got him home. It gave me a chance to take him and pick him up from work while we got the flat fixed. I enjoyed it, I'm trying to remember everything about him, the way he smells, the music he listens too, what makes him smile. Everything.

On Tuesday night they had a prayer meeting at his church.  It was great, they had Danny come up and give a testimony about his life and so many had so many nice things to say to him for encouragement.  He beamed from ear to ear. Following that meeting Danny received a call from a Doctor who goes to his church.  He had Danny signed some papers so he could gather all the blood work from various hospitals that Danny has been to in cases of emergency.  He said the blood work was a bit confusing but out of it he did come to the conclusion that definitely he is anemic. He is still working on the prognoses but in the meantime the doctor went and purchased some herbal remedies to get him started on. The things he purchased are;

liquid chlorophyll- Interestingly enough, the chlorophyll molecule is chemically similar to human blood, except that its central atom is magnesium, whereas that of human blood is iron.

I-X capsules which is a circulatory system support.

Red clover Blend- which is also a circulatory system support herb.

Danny is already showing some improvement.  Thank you to everyone who has sent their good thoughts and prayers our way. They truly make a difference in so many ways. You all mean the world to us, we love you.  Hugs all around, as I try to reach out to each one, please forgive me if I don't get to all of you, this is the best way as I can for now.  Much love , dar
Tuesday November 28, 2006 - 12:52pm (PST) Permanent Link | 22 Comments
Thank You from my son and I to you.

pv_excepting_your_energy_fs_
Excepting your light, your beauty,your strengths, and your energy.

Last night he was out with friends at Olive Garden. They were laughing and having a great time, when all of sudden Danny began to spit up blood from both his mouth and nose. He immediately called me and we came to get him. He was covered in blood, but this one wasn't as bad as the last one. We were able to get it under control and brought him home. When we pulled up he had all his friends around him, taking care of him and staying with him.  His one friend took Danny out the back door because he was so embarrassed about bleeding all over the table. 

He is so lucky to have such caring friends, and so I am I. My friends you are the best, Thank You so much.I can't express how much your thoughts and prayers mean to me. I have no family,to speak of as far as beyond my immediate family, my sons and my boyfriend.  This outpouring I have received has moved me so deeply. You all are my family. I send back wishes of hopes and dreams fulfilled. My deepest prayer is for peace and good health for you and yours. 
Danny's Mom (cont.)

After the series of ear infections, and working on his speech. I started noticing that my son didn't have as much manual dexterity as other kids his age when he was in kindergarten, but the teachers and a developmental education specialist shrugged off my concerns.

At that time we decided that it would be a good idea anyways to have him tested by an occupational therapist, who recommended therapy to help him develop his gross and fine-motor skills. Halfway through first grade, my son's teacher and the school's principal suggested he undergo a battery of psycho-educational tests.

His scores mirrored those of other children with learning disabilities: dramatic ups and downs, and a sizable discrepancy between his IQ and his performance. He qualified for special help from the school district. This only added to his anxiety that we also were noticing. You see Danny is also OCD. He needs to have everything perfect. His room was always in order. His clothing laid out the day before school. He worried at such a young age what others were thinking of him. He put extreme effort into everything he did, especially his homework. I worked with him every night. We would sing and read bedtime stories.

As a second grader, his reading and writing problems continued, but my boyfriend and I thought he was making progress. So I was shocked when I was told by my son's teacher, the school principal, and the school's special education consultant that he needed more intensive and specialized help. By this point his anxiety worsen and he began to have anxiety attacks. He couldn't breathe, he was a nervous wreck. A psychiatrist wanted to put him on Ritalin.  Well we tried that, but he completely changed to what seemed to be a very depressed little boy. He would have a series of headaches constantly. He wouldn't eat and therefore lost a lot of weight. I was watching what once was a very energetic and happy boy sleep into a state of depression. I felt it was wrong for him and took him off the medication.

He was soon diagnosed with dyslexia. He couldn't read, he couldn't and his speech was still not right.  I felt he wasn't getting everything he needed at the school. My next step was to quit my job, pull my son out of school and I began to home school him.  Sure at first it was difficult. With his dyslexia, and his OCD problems. It took a great deal of patience, love and understanding. 

I used the Accelerated Christian Education curriculum. After he was tested we saw that he needed to start all the back to the basics in kindergarten. And that is exactly what I did. We started phonics which not only improved his reading skills but it also started to improve his speech. I saw more improvement in him then I had when he was in special education. I was amazed. He was once again a happy child.

I continued to home school him till he expressed a desire to return to public school about two years later. I didn't see any harm in it and if this is what he wants then lets give it a try. He should of been in 4th grade but I felt it wouldn't hurt to keep him back a year and then he may not experience so much frustration as he did when he was in 2nd grade.  He was worried that his friends might make fun of him, so instead of enrolling him in his last school, we chose another school that wasn't far away.

Everything worked out really well, till about the time he was going to go into Junior High.  He came to me and decided he wanted to be home schooled again. Well at the time I was pleased that this was his decision. The junior high schools where we lived were a mess. We started homeschooling again. He continued to accelerate. By time High School age I enrolled him in a Charter School with a Educational Facilitator. 

That was the best move I had ever made. Not only did Danny excel, it moved beyond my expectations. He became a avid volunteer in his community. He served on the site council for his school, representing all the students. He was involved in his church and was a team leader at the Youth Center.

He is a amazing kid. I have put so much time and effort into him and it was all worth it. I'm so very proud of him, he graduated with full honors. He continues to volunteer in his community and now just got promoted at his job. Continue to pray for him and send him thoughts of healing.  Thank You so very much.   dar
Tuesday November 21, 2006 - 02:13pm (PST) Permanent Link | 24 Comments
Calling all Angels

angels_and_blinking_002

Please forgive me if this is a rambling mess, because as I write this I am shaking and crying. You see, I am really going through it right now, and it has to be the worst of all things ever imaginable to me. I didn't know how or if I would share this but then I realized How much I need to have friends around me who pray to their God, who talks to angels and who sends out good thoughts. I am beside myself, I am on the brink of crying every moment, yet I try to pull it together because I believe that we are what we think. That our thoughts carry weight and if we think positive then positive will be. I don't want my thinking to become a major downfall and this is where you come in.  

You see, It's my baby, he's not a baby anymore, he is 18 and he is terribly ill.  He had been having some problems lately. I had blogged about when he fell at his old job, he was a lifeguard at Water World, apparently he passed out and fell down the slide, not remembering how or what had happened. You can read that blog here. It turns out that he has had a couple of more episodes of passing out. He didn't tell me.

In fact he has been seeing a doctor and going through a lot of tests without letting me know. He said he didn't want to worry me. Well dammit I am worried. I am a little pissed that he dint include me in these doctors appts but of course I don't show him that. I want to be with him through this and I want to talk to the doctors.  Then the other day he came home from work early with a horrible nose bleed. I mean I had never seen so much blood come out. I was really concerned at that point because he had also a fever. I made him stay home from work the next day and he slept the whole time.

The next day he came to me and said he had something he needed to tell me.  OK, this can't be good. He began to cry, he said he is ill and that he has had a lot of tests done.  He wasn't sure of the name at that time, something about being anemic and that there was a problem with his blood. His white count was not good.  This is why I wished he had let me go to the doctors. He had a hard time explaining to me just exactly what the doctors had said. The next day he had his doctor fax him for me. I just about hit the floor, I was shaking so bad, I could barely hold the fax in my hand, all the pages that were sent ssays that he might have Leukemia.  OH MY GOD, I don't think I can handle this. To understand me you would have to know our history.

Danny first of all was a blessing. I was unable to get pregnant for a long time and I had two miscarriages when I did get pregnant. I had one child all ready but it had been 5 years I was trying for another child.  I was thrilled when he came. He is a cutie. Well he didn't really have a great first two years. Not that he was really horribly sick all the time but he was plagued with ear infections.  I didn't know at the time, that it was effecting him learning how to speak.  By time he was two, I started to notice his speech was that good. I just thought probably it was his little chubby cheeks. He had the thickest cheeks, so cute.  Has he got older, I noticed his speech wasn't getting much better. I took him to the doctors and they did some hearing tests on him. Well apparently the ear infections cause his inability to catch the first and last part of a word. All his words were like half words.  You couldn't help but smile because he was just so adorable.

I immediately got him into speech therapy.  We went faithfully for 5 years.  During that time I encouraged him to sing at our church.  Yes I was very much involved in Church for 7 years. Sunday School teacher, Children's Church leader and I even taught in the public school system when no one else could.  That is another story. He would sing Jesus Loves Me, and his other favorite was Go Tell It on the Mountain.  Absolutely adorable.  He even played the tambourine and he was only 4 years old. He got so noticed along the way that he was asked to come to several different venues to sing as warm up for some gospel bands.

I was known everywhere in our town as Danny's Mom. Anyone who met him loved him. No one hardly called me by my name. I was Danny's Mom and that was fine with me. I was so proud of him and still am. I want to always be called Danny's MOM and nobody is ever going to take that away from me. I won't let him go. I will do everything in my power to help him fight this.  Even cry my eyes out while I write this. You know me I don't talk about myself much so you know how hard this is, and it is my first step to making my son completely free of this thing they call Leukemia. 

How you might ask? I need you to radiate loving, healing thoughts throughout the Universe and right back to me and my son. I will need encouragement, your prayers, and anything that is laid on your spirit to share with me. I beleive in holistic healing, enlightenment, inspiration and creativity; words of humanity, hope, vision and encouragement will all help me to stay strong for my son.  I beleive in miracles,I share a love affair with Jesus and I have always had hope for others, I just don't know if I can do this, if I can remain positive, so will you help me please? Will you pray to your higher power, think of my son from time to time and encourage me. Be a part of his healing by lifting me up in spirit and soul. I thank you ahead of time. Just know it's your good and healing thoughts I covet I don't expect anyone to send me letters or words of encouragement, it's your thoughts I need, your prayers I seek and your angels hovering over me.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know it was long and could have gone on, but then that would defeat my purpose.  I'm still continuing with the blogs it's my therapy and release.  I'll be around, and I'm sorry I haven't really touched base with most of you the last few days.  I love you and thank you that you are my friends.  I feel so much better all ready.   Seek and you shall find.  I already feel your spirit falling down on me.
illuminisenxe13
Monday November 20, 2006 - 06:26pm (PST) Permanent Link | 83 Comments

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