My name is Rick Dicey and I am currently carrying out some research in
the field of Speed Dating. in order to create a new and exciting
e-book.
It will take you less than 5 minutes and I'll give you the product
for free and a free mention in the book once the product is finished.

My name is Rick Dicey and I am currently carrying out some research in
the field of Speed Dating. in order to create a new and exciting
e-book.
It will take you less than 5 minutes and I'll give you the product
for free and a free mention in the book once the product is finished.

My name is Rick Dicey and I am currently carrying out some research in
the field of Speed Dating. in order to create a new and exciting
e-book.
It will take you less than 5 minutes and I'll give you the product
for free and a free mention in the book once the product is finished.

(Languidly drawing on my cigarette imported from the Balkans - lounging
in my silk bathrobe...)
"Speed dating?"
How incredibly vulgar.


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Wouldn't it be great if people were like computers? Instead of acting on
things like "feelings" and "emotions". we'd work off facts and empirical
evidence. so that we'd never be fooled by the same racket twice. Sure. no
one would be able to cry at chick flicks or sense when something's wrong
when you come home from work. The day you emulate your laptop
will be the final day you look across the dinner table at your boyfriend and
ask yourself. "What the hell am I doing with this guy? I've had a few. And after each bad relationship. I find myself
retrospectively scratching my head. wondering how I could have been so
blind. Ever ask your friends. "Now that we broke up. what did you really
think about him? you have. Upon which you learned that everyone
unanimously felt he was a jerk since Day 1. What are friends for. if not to
lie to you by lending unconditional support? So if the rest of the world can see that someone is toxic.
How do we end up with people who turn others off. I think it's
those damn human feelings getting in the way again. Even a total jerk can be
expected to be a nice guy 80% of the time. And that 80% is all the positive
reinforcement you need to stick around for too long with the wrong guy. If
you were to be an impartial third-party judge of your own life. you might
act differently. But it's a lot harder to leave your own neglectful
boyfriend than it is to tell your girlfriend to dump hers.
It's simple to put labels on a guy to justify why he should be dumped- he's
neglectful. blahblahblah. What's far
more interesting is when you find yourself wholly invested in someone who
defies any of these "bad" descriptions. In fact. you're pretty sure you're
dating a good person. He was generous when courting you. he was respectful
when he met your parents. and he gets along really well with your friends.
You couldn't have seen his downside when you first got together. But since
he lost his job. you've discovered he has a really short temper. Plus. he
hasn't been too aggressive in finding work. In fact. he said that he's
contemplating a new career. although he doesn't know what that will be quite
yet.
Revelations like this present a real problem. People fall hard and fast for
each other. which is wonderful and normal. No one should begrudge anyone's
puppy love. But as any parent will tell their teens. puppy love is
evanescent. True love takes endurance. Which is why there's no point in
beating yourself up about not trusting your judgment. It doesn't do you any
good.
By the same token. I'm not saying that you should always trust your
judgment. We're humans. We make mistakes. However. like lab rats who get
shocked when they go for the wrong cheese. we have the capacity to learn
from them. And if you're going out with the same narcissistic guy or the
same alcoholic guy or the same emotionally unavailable guy over and over and
over gain. THAT's where you need to beat up on yourself. The one thing you
can trust is that you've been down this path before and you know how it
ends.
It may make perfect sense to be gun-shy following a string of mistakes. but
the present is not the past. and you are not the same as you were during
your last relationship. Because relationships are inherently exploratory.
judgment is best rendered later. when you have more facts. And if. after all
of this. you still can't trust your judgment. try to trust your gut - the
part that says that you're not excited by him. the part that says that
something's a little off. You'll never know right off the bat if the guy who's
close with his family is a spineless mama's boy. so give him a fair shake
until he doesn't deserve one. Just don't expect your friends to tell you the
truth until it's over.
One of the things people asked me when they found out I was working on our
book was an obvious. but intriguingly weird. question: Why would anybody
listen to a single person's thoughts about relationships? This was a
question particularly directed to me by a couple of smug married people I
met casually. who wouldn't read a book like Why You're Still Single anyway. and believed that they were far more difficult to read than
they actually were.
The thesis behind this question is that a single person.
knows nothing about relationships. because if she did. she wouldn't be
single. It makes sense on the surface. But think about it this way:
if success is defined as the ability to have a long-term relationship that
doesn't end for one reason or another. then every person starts every new
relationship batting 0-for-whatever. All your relationships have ended. You
haven't made it work yet. Ergo. This kind of thinking. if you embrace it. will sink you. You are asking
yourself to enter your next relationship assuming you don't know anything.
In my experience. it's not the things you genuinely don't know that mess you
up; it's the things you won't admit you know. It's the things that are
sitting right there ready to be noticed if you're willing to pay attention
to what's already happened in your own life.
that when people stop calling and they make
you do all the work. that's a bad sign. You've learned that picking at the
scab of an old argument has never. in the history of your
relationships. made anything better. You've learned that nobody interesting
is attracted to you when you act helpless. You've learned that showing off
how damaged and needy you are will only attract drama.
So you have two choices. You can go on the theory that you don't know
anything. You're single. after all. What do you know? Or you can listen to
your own judgment and your own experience. and you can admit that you have.
in whatever painful way. probably learned a lot.
the problem is the fact that not all your instincts should be
obeyed. Lots of things -- fear. external
pressure -- can throw them off. It's not that you should act on every
impulse that you have on the assumption that your accumulated wisdom will
steer your impulses every time. The trick. is how to tell the
difference between an impulse and an instinct. I'd love to tell you that
there's a rule of thumb that will identify the difference between a gut
feeling you must not ignore and one that you must overcome. From time to
time. you're going to guess wrong; there's no way around it.
Consider the classic problem of what to take personally. Your boyfriend is
busy at work. and he stops calling. On the one hand. your experience will
tell you that signals that come in the form of people pulling back from you
should not be ignored. and that reading the room is important. On the other
hand. it may also tell you that you have some tendency to take things to
heart that should not be taken as such. What do you do? It would be great if
there were a bulletproof way to be right. but you're going to have to draw a
line. In this case. it's a line that marks how much dropping out is too much
before you freak out. The fact that you freaked out unnecessarily last time
over not being called for two days doesn't mean that you should let it go by
if you don't get a call for two weeks. In the same way. the fact that you
feel like you missed the signs last time because your boyfriend avoided you
for three weeks doesn't mean that the first time he asks for a night alone.
you should tell him you get it. tell him you understand. and
rush right over to pick up the DVD you left at his apartment so that the two
of you never have to speak again.
What you have to do is read the signs -- all the signs. and do
the best you can. You know things. and it's when you can feel yourself
straining to ignore one of those things you know that you're going to get
yourself in trouble. What do you. know about relationships?
Probably more than you think.
Evan Marc Katz is the founder of E-Cyrano.com. an online dating consulting
service that partners with JDate and other dating sites. He has been
featured on CNN. and the Today Show.
single and living in Los Angeles.
Linda Holmes writes as "Miss Alli" for Television Without Pity and is a
frequent contributor to MSNBC.com. She lives in Minneapolis.

It's not that I don't distrust my own judgment. I often do. It's just
that I trust the judgment of others less.


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ladies and gentlemen. this is MR. ANTICHRIST speaking.
We have here a situation: The earth is collapsing. so what are you
going to do? Are you going to serve ongoing perpetuation of life or
salvation of souls? Are you going to try to keep Earth alive or are you
going to try to save as many as you can? The fabric was made of dark
and ensnaring yarns. so I ruptured it - yes ladies and gentlemen. it
was me - and now it is being made of tender translucent webs. You
cannot serve two masters - so serve one and master the other.
Consummate. keep shifting magnetic
polarities. then stop once the web is woven a hyperdimensional cobweb
between experiences and perspectives and establishments and
institutions. Yeah. you better stop laughing. Earth is
fallen. so RISE keep saying all kinds of commies. and MR.
ANTICHRIST says let's institute a dialectic refining toward quality and
once heaven is glimpsed. what are the inescapable conclusions? Once
heaven is glimpsed guess who coes down? HALLELUJAH.
Let's use integrative cognition ladies and gentlemen combining
experience and observation - to merely feel or to merely think is to
not be complete in your understanding - and the worst of these errors
is that of logical positivism. of assaying everything in reference to
linear logic and damning all things deemed illogical. creating dry
mean-spirited people who need the emotional to be complete so conquer
and prey on it. then judge and discard it. then go on to conquering
others. creating a kakistocracy of predators. That's what is meant by
banality of evil. What are the forces of nature - what is the nature of
forces? How do you deal with them? You integrate. Weave. Refine.
"Refuse to learn lessons" - no. merely false and contrived lessons;
"this displays an unsound mind" - no. just not a limited one; there are
all kinds of reasons for all kinds of actions. some are internal some
are external. goodbye to the cell.
keep following down the yellow brick road; the Wizard of Oz - integrate
with him. The science has been perfected and now we are going forth.
Why did Morrison lead to extinction and Eminem to life. though Morrison
started with life and Eminem with death? learn the ramifications of this [SLAM] - yes yes. it means you
have a big fist. but of what is it a manifestation and what is it that
uses it?

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Whenever a false religion arises or a false ideology. there develops a
perfect antidote. This may be considered a matter of Taoist duality.
but it also seems to be a more complete representation of the workings
of a higher principle. Unanticipated consequences take place; previous
methods fail; they have to be developed and redefined. other quantities
have to be called upon. this leads to examination of premises. methods become enriched. questions arise based on
presence of these new quantities as to where they come from. resulting
in greater understanding and change of values and ultimately resulting
in wisdom that did not exist before.
They said the baby boomers were spoiled children - how could that be?
Their parents were very strict with them and very authoritarian. A case
can be made that boomers spoiled their children but not that they were
themselves spoiled - I repeat. they grew up in very strict and
authoritarian environments. so is their life story not then
condemnation of authoritarianism rather than of permissiveness? Here
was to authoritarianism developed a perfect antidote and a perfect
answer: This is what happens to authoritarianism - it happened when
Communism replaced Victorianism. it happened when sixties and seventies
replaced the fifties. "This whole generation was completely disgusting"
- well you produced them. they are the fruit of your womb and your
authoritarian methods of parenting. so then to produce something better
don't you use other methods and other wombs than yours? So then you try
out new things; they work part-time. dualities
manifest. perfect antidotes. way
of the world. Part-way answers fail due to shortcomings of methods in
dealing with new challenges; methods have to change; new discoveries
necessary to sustain or move to new state of affairs lead to evolution
of methods and evolution of awareness and inescapable conclusions that
result.
"America is sliding to Gomorrah" - well then what happened to "America
love it or leave it"? "Americans fail to take responsibility for their
actions" - "I thought Americans were supposed to be the best people in
the world" - "indisciplined population" - "i thought you were supposed
to be serving the people rather than bludgeoning them. and that's the
name of democracy and that's from what you derive your claims to
legitimacy in your battle against Communism and Islamism."
The faith in logic sustained by what? Attack on the characterological
and emotional and rational makeup of those who see otherwise? That's
argument ad hominem rather than argument ad argumentum. which is itself
a logical error.
You can't maintain ideological purity in a society with free
information - 50s authoritarianism was destroyed by free flow of
information from other places that is the logical result of the premise
of honesty and responsibility and the necessary intellectual honesty
that is its corollary - which intellectual honesty requires openness to
new ideas - new ideas challenge existing beliefs and values and
institutions - claims of honesty demand intellectual honesty which
demand examination of new ideas - it is logical error to challenge
credibility of source and in reference to what and according to what
set of valuesthe politically correct ideology of tolerance has been
sustained by rigorous intolerance against Christianity - which has
become doctrinaire. which has become intolerant. which has become a
hypocrisy - the examination of other religions leads to questions of
why not examine Christianity - interest in spirituality leads to
questions of where spirituality comes from - what God.
religious war - "We don't want religion" - "then is that not
censorship. and can you keep censorship in a democracy" - "to the right
is America. the land of reason" - "then what's to the left. and if you
are so rational why are you so hysterically hiding the other side? I am examining
things and to examine things is supposed to be the values of my people"
- "you have to examine them scientifically" - "you examine them
scientific? read Psalm 110 where it says Lord
says to my Lord sit at my right hand until I make your enemies his
footstool" so who then is my Lord? "You have no critical thinking" - "critical in reference to what. and
how do I know it to be the right set of premises?" - "critical in
reference to people's lives and people's character" - "so then is your
faith in logic or in people's character and people's lives and your
value judgments about them. and is that not a flimsy and an illogical
basis of critical thinking. considering how much people's fates change
and have changed over time? critical in reference to what? In what is your faith. or on
what is premised your rationality? Logical positivism bites the dust because it substitutes judgmentalism
for examination: All things that are supposedly not logical
referentially to the premises of logical positivism are deemed
worthless regardless of what logic runs them. which is a logical error
of assaying the preexisting according to the referential. Scientific
inquiry gives birth to all kinds of knowledge. which open the minds
into the miraculous. which proves the miraculous. which disproves the
irrational faith in logic as be-all of human existence and its
irrational judgments of all that exists in man. Skepticism by its
nature - of judging in reference to a supposed logicality -turns into
sheer murderous malice and viciousness which belies its premise of
rationality; similar with behaviorism and other similar aberrations. To
go for the Holy Grail - to steal the fire of God - do you love the
world more than you love God - will not the world betray you. and will
you not reap from it death and from God hellfire - if I am to serve the
aversion of armageddon then I could risk both - but then the world is
God's so won't he destroy it anyway and your cause will be null and
void? Will not God then destroy the world - will not God then send all
the people you love into hellfire - NO! I'll make
you a fisher of men. so then is not Satan coopted? Azazel - out on the shores of Lake Luba I make my tent for a
while till the world explodes - and then Jesus calls me and I am so sad
to let go. I rend my face and I cry. but let go I must and now I am
dead for good as I've always wanted to be but filled with the Holy
Spirit.

does the Holy Spirit care about those of us stuck in the materialistic.
senseless suburbs of america ? you know what I mean. where everything seems nice & perfect on the outside.
but is often horrible
and destroyed on the inside? where horrible stuff happens between people
but everything (the neighborhood. the houses)
still look great. and there is little to no crime. where its safe to be
outside. but emotional devastation & destruction
is going on inside between people? where everything seems meaningless and
hopeless. does the Holy Spirit understand all
of that stuff ? Does the Holy Spirit. Jesus frown on the suburbs? does He think
they're great? what does He think of all the nice houses
and clean streets? am i making any sense?

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