A hundred times a day a voice in my head has a silent message: “I expect you to do it right, always get what you want, and not burden anyone else while doing it.”

That’s a harsh voice. It’s also expecting the impossible. I don’t like to call it perfectionism, although that’s a fair label. I also don’t like to call it by a name, like I did a week or so ago. It’s simply a habit I want to change.

Changing habits is harder when you don’t have an actionable thought to change. I can tell if this bizarre silent message has occurred because I find myself obsessing over something that I can’t take action on. Here are some examples from today:

• I want the job I’ve applied for, but the interview isn’t for a couple of weeks and I’m already as prepared as I can possibly be. Yet I keep thinking about it. What if I get it? What if I don’t?
• Choosing the right amount of “full” for any particular meal.
• Walking down the hallway, with my hefty hips jiggling
• Expressing the “right” thoughts in a meeting

Time to work the other direction. Here’s what I can say instead of those thoughts:

• I’m prepared enough, and it will either happen or not happen. It’s better to go do something else than to keep thinking about the possible new job
• Full varies from meal to meal. A meal already eaten is over, and there’s no way to do it “right” but rather “good enough.”
• As I walk, I can remind myself of the strength and flexibility I’m building when I take stairways and go swimming
• Most meetings should be held as quickly as possible and kept as short as possible. It makes more sense to f
• follow up if something gets missed.

I’ll practice “well enough” in my positives for today, to build up expertise:

1. I ate well enough at lunch, in both portion size and food choice
2. I have thought through this interview well enough and am prepared enough
3. I wrote a presentation today that’s good enough
4. I’ve used my time today wisely enough
5. I’ve taken stairs enthusiastically enough today

My moods can swing up and down. What I’ve been noticing lately is that they go down more often on days when I do not exercise or write a blog entry. There are those days when there just doesn’t seem time for anything like that, and it can show up in my eating.

At lunch today, I ate more than I planned for dessert. About half of a tiny cup of ice cream was the right portion, but I finished all that I did not put into my husband’s coffee. As we walked back to work, I realized that the smaller portion would have felt better. That’s when I also realized that these things happen more often when I don’t exercise or write. My guess is that I need to do something about every 20 hours or so. That shouldn’t be any problem, since I can write at any time, and it doesn’t take more than a minute to jump up and jog in place a bit.

There seem to be 3 areas that need caretaking in order to keep yourself feeling physically fit:

1. Flexibility
2. Aerobic stamina
3. Strength

When I have all three, I feel powerful.

My positives:

1. I planned to work last night, but was too tired, so I honored that feeling and slept.
2. My scale is out of juice, so I’m living without weighing in, and it’s not too bad
3. I had fun exercising last Sunday
4. My stamina is increasing
5. Some of my muscles feel hard like steel. Cool.

Anybody want some goals? My semi-monthly goals have been hardly used this month. Instead I did great work on portion control and experienced new levels of satisfaction and peace with food.

Yesterday I noticed that I ate more than I’ve been eating recently, but didn’t have any particular reason to do so. Today I’m back to normal, actually got that way last night, and I’m glad.

When I noticed that I was active, but wasn’t having any fun, I realized that must change. For the rest of the day I specifically chose to stop and enjoy whatever I was doing. It changed my day, and my eating habits.

Today I enjoyed my aquajogging in a different way. I’m starting to build some habits, and the first 20 minutes or so has a nice pattern. At each side of the first laps, I do 25 water jumping jacks. There are 2 types of jumping jacks I do, and I do 100 of each type with a lap after each set of 25. Then I have some freeform and go til I’m done.

Today I pushed hard for power, really exercising my muscles. In order to clear my brain about a work problem I currently have, I said, “enough is enough” and focused on my muscles. It worked.

My positives:

1. I’m proud of the energy I expended to build strength today
2. It’s good to learn how to break back into conscious eating
3. I’m getting my house in shape
4. Some chores are becoming second-nature
5. My ability to separate work concerns from everyday life is increasing