Its not like me to endorse a product without some kind of compensation, but I have to tell you about this stuff my friend VJ introduced me to. Its call ShaveSecret, and its amazing. I found it in WalMart, but I am sure its available elsewhere. Just follow the instructions for the closest shave you ever felt without nicks, cuts, burn, or the messy shaving cream.

http://www.shavesecret.com

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time. One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: "First - whatever happened to the medical healthcare plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
"Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
"Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have five questions: "First - whatever happened to the medical healthcare plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
"Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
"Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
"Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
"Fifth - Where's Kenneth?

A friend sent me these... thought I'd share. Thanks, VJ.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G !)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. ! (Hmmmmmm.... ..)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left- handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out??? Doesn't all pee glow under a black light?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig?? God love that pig!)

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."