A while back, a few month's at least, I remember reading some articles that discussed some Italian scientists study that suggested a genetic explanation for being gay. Male gay at least, I'm not sure if it had anything to say about gay females. The idea was that certain women had an especially strong attraction to males, leading them to tend to produce more children than average. But, some of the male children they produced also would carry the gene for an especially intense attraction to males, and thus a predisposition to be gay. Despite the fact that the womans gay sons would tend to have less children than average, the overall tendency of women with this gene to be more attracted to men and therefore have more children than average offset the tendency for male children of such women to become gay - and thus, the gay gene is passed down over time.

Here's a quote about this, from a more recent article I was reading:

"And last fall, Italian scientists offered a possible explanation for the persistence of gay genes — even though evolution tends to weed out traits that discourage reproduction. The team from the University of Padua found that mothers and aunts of gay men had more offspring than female relatives of heterosexuals, suggesting genes that influence homosexuality in men may increase fertility in females."

There was more in the original article(altho I might not be remembering this correctly), about how the gene for attraction to men is most likely to be passed down to the youngest sons in the family. I thought this was interesting becuase I am the youngest son of a big family.

Recently, I was thinking about this genetics stuff, and it all sounds fine to me, but it seems to beg a particular question, which is "falling in love". I'm sure we have all heard the line that being gay is not about who you have sex with, it's about who you fall in love with.

Why do I fall in love with other men, and not with women? Women are fine to be with, I even have some sexual attraction to women, but I've never met a women who made me feel like I could "fall in love" with her. "...IN love", you know, I love various women, but that magnetic mental and spiritual connection, that woozy electricity, just isn't there.

I don't really "trust" women. I "trust" men. (not that I really have any reason to trust men.) Is that crazy?

Well, I've been away from this blog for a while. First because I was having too much sex to think about a blog. And then because I was in too much pain to think about a blog.

I know beforehand that a connection between a late thirties man and a 22 year old boy is pretty much doomed. All it can ever really be, statistically you know, is a short term fuck connection. Even when the 22 year old is enjoying the benfits of 37 year old money and lifestyle, it just isn't that likely to last.

But it's hard not to fall in love with someone so cute and sweet and sexy. This has always been one of my problems - I fall in love too easily, and so rarely with someone who really deserves my love.

Anyway, he was a hot number, and he liked to party, so I shouldn't have been surprized when he started responding to someone younger and richer then me.

I knew it wouldn't last. But it still hurts to think about it. A lot. I could tell you some things, crazy thoughts I had, and am still having. But, life is hard, then you die. I'm a stupid fool. so it goes.

But, I have one big satisfaction. You may find this hard to believe, I certainly found it hard to believe, but he had never been the bottom in full blown anal sex before. So I got to take his virginity. I don't know if I ever had a virgin before.

That's a good memory. That was really fucking hot.

One good thing that has come of this is that I am working out more. Lifting weights at home mostly, and power walking. I've already packed on a nice new batch of muscles and lost 11 pounds. (I wasn't really eating much for a while). Doing bicep curls with 35lb dumbbells.

I gotta get the twinks out of my head, and find someone worthy of my love.