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rants and raves
- how it all begain
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In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want choc olate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Thought for the day .
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.Thursday May 25, 2006 - 06:17pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 1 Comment - Robin Michelle
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THis is a picture of the woman I love very dearly. She is the sweetesst person in the world. She will do anything for you . SHe is so sweet to a fault. TO many people try to tak advantage of her and i am tired of it . The people that take advantage of her you know who you are and need to get a life. but the best part of my wife is that she is bi . So if there are any single bi females out htere hit us up.Sunday May 21, 2006 - 09:09pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 2 Comments - G.R.I.T.S
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Well today has been fun to say the least. I got to hang out with Robin and Susan all day today. I got to rember what its like to hang out with her and how goofy she can be at times. No offence love you sis. But anyway hope everybody day was good. Now you may be wondering what G.R.I.T.S stand for well it means GIrls Raised In the South so if your not souther born and sothern bread i dont want to date you or have a fling with you
Wednesday May 17, 2006 - 04:16pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 2 Comments - FUN FUN FUN
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A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was he replied, "I'm too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than her to." The teacher took him to the principals office and explained the situation to the principal.The principal told her that he would give Johnny a test, and if he failed to answer one question he would have to go back to the first grade and be quiet.The teacher and Johnny both agreed.Principal: "what is 3 x 3" Johnny: "9"Principal: "6 x 6" Johnny: "36"And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a third grader should know. Finally after about an hour he told the teacher "I see no reason Johnny can't go to the third grade, he answered all of my questions right."The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Johnny agree.Teacher: "What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of? Johnny: "Legs"Teacher: "What do you have in your pants that I don't have?" the principal gasps but before he can stop him from answering Johnny says, "pockets"Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Johnny: "Pants"Teacher: "What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?" Johnny: "Firetruck"The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.Wednesday February 22, 2006 - 06:56am (PST) Permanent Link | 1 Comment - Entry for January 29, 2006
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site infosick leave policy
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICYSICKNESS:
No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
AN OPERATION:
We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
DEATH:
Other than your own:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.Your own:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.
ALSO:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.We appreciate your cooperation,
THE MANAGEMENTSunday January 29, 2006 - 07:41am (PST) Permanent Link | 3 Comments
