I went to see the Monique cinema flop Phat Girls last weekend and it kinda had me thinking! Is it true that society visualizes big people as invisiblw? I am starting to believe it is true mainly because of they way certain people act in society and in my own community! You know the fat girl from high school that every laughed with at school but no one asked her for a date, the chubby boy that gets picked on because he is bigger than the rest of the kids this trend is still alive and well! Even though I am secure with myself I still feel the pressure from society and my community to be thin I get compliments all the time on my beauty and confidence but I am starting to feel invisble! Am I over looked on certain opportunities  as other because my size? Should I lose weight for my health or because Ill be accepted more??? We need to embrace each other more just for the mere fact we are children of God! I love being me but I would love if society loved me for the big beautiful person I am and encourage weight loss for health and fitness and not to fit in with the Nicole Richies and the Lyndsey Lohans !

Men are always saying that transexuals are only looking for money and looks but you men don't realize is that all most of you view us as sexual objects! Back in the days when escorting was my source of income I met dozens of men who only viewed me as a sexual fantasy, they didn't respect my mind, my body, or my soul! But at that time I didnt care of they respected it I just wanted the money! The fact is that mos transexuls feel they have no other option and the money from escrting is fast and quick and our lifestyle is very expensive more expensive than yo u can ever imagine! HORMONES.SURGERY, MAKEUP, CLOTHES, RENT, FOOD UTILITIES these things are the factor that makes people money hungry! I can only imagine the harships other transexuals go through ! being booted from their family for feeling "different"! Sometimes the hardships of the lifestle hardens the heart and chills the soul because many people ar ehurting and turly are lonely! Men are just materialistic and conscious of the same commercial idealogies of beauty that transexuals live by! Our idea of beauty is manifested by billions of dollars and decades of advertising that tells us what beauty is suppose to look lik ein order to pull the dollars from our pockets ! I can only imagine what it would be like if we had no TV or magazines or internet!! WOuld we still be materialistic would our views on the lifestyle and beauty be the same! We always have preset judgements and ideas about transexuals when most men always say "im looking for something serious" then evrytime something new comes around yall are all always right there with your dick out or mouth open! Let's respect ourselves and then maybe we can respect eachother more! We need to stop knocking other people life choices and preferences because you have been scorned by the events in your life1 You say your tired of transexuals looking for money but why would a vivacious 23 year old want to date a 60 year old man who has lived his life to the fullest and her is just begining of course if I am not interested in you and you want something from me I am gonna be looking for compensation1 I meet men on a daily basis and all of them are about sex at the first encounter! What that do > Can I hit it?  When you way stuff like that Im gonna say show me the money! My sex drive isn't high as most and when I do have sex I am very picky I feel as though if I dont love you I am going to get what I want from you when all you want is sex from me! If we could all be real with our intentions maybe we would have less drama! i  can only imagine a day and time where there are people who don't play games!! Confessions are truly a way to cleanse the sould! The truth is out ther ebut we gotta be truthful with ourselves first!!

Why do men believe women and transexuals are confused in what they want in a man? I am possitive that I don't wanna a boyfriend, don't need a man, I'm fine with being single! Does that sound confused?? I know what I want and that is is someone I can kick it with sometime not sexual all the time, someone who is honest with me, a man who knows what he wants in life and has direction, someone who is fit and upwardly mobile!!! We do know what we want at least some of us know! Most men and women are waiting on this supermodel type witht he perfect attitude with no flwas to fall in our lap and then maybe well settle down but  if we get that person will be ready to truly love someone??

Akk My Children was so good today my recorder finally got to workin and its the only soap opera I watch and I love it! RJ Chandler was sooooooooooooooooooo gooddddddddd today he deserves an Emmy for his acting in Babe's hospital room today!! If you don't watch AMC you should start!!!!