Hello my friends. A lot has happened since my last post. My brother, Jeff, passed away very shortly after I posted last, so I have been dealing with that grief. Only 44 years old....too young to die. I am sure he wanted to be where he is, as he drank until his body could take no more. He has been doing so since we lost both of our parents in 2002, and with his Hep "C", it did not take very long to completely damage his liver. Knowing he wanted to be with our Mom & Dad helps a little, but I still miss him.

I now have a home aide who helps do the housework, runs errands, cooks, and does laundry for me. It is a huge help and my house finally looks the way I like it to look. I have a lift chair coming soon, as well. It won't be so much of a struggle for me to get up after it gets here, which will help greatly with the pain of getting up from my recliner. My spine disease is getting worse, so I am looking forward to my new chair.

I usually have all of my Christmas shopping done by the end f November....until this year. Last Saturday Christy took me out to start my shopping. I was able to get a bit done since there were power chairs available at Walmart this time. Usually when I go, there are none because some lazy people us them and there are none for those of us who really need them. That is something that makes me sooo angry. Just like people who use a family members handicap card just to park closer to the store, then there are no spaces for us who again really need them. I still have several more gifts to get, but I made a big dent in my list, and it sure feels good. Christy put up some decorations on the outside of our house, so it is looking festive. We also got our tree set up and ready to put gifts under. The days are going by so fast. My younger sister is having her family holiday get together this Saturday, and I am ready for it now. I have gifts bought for all who will be attending. Some people are so hard to buy for....but for a few of the people, I think I got THE perfect gifts. I love to give rather than to receive.....especially when I can find the perfect thing for whomever.

I probably will not be blogging until after Christmas/New Year, so I want to take his time to wish everyone a Happy Holiday...whatever you celebrate. I hope you all have a good time sharing with family and good friends. I wish you good health and much happiness during the holiday and for next year. You all are always in my prayers. Peace and Gods blessings to you all. HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM MY FAMILY TO YOU AND YOURS.

THIS IS MY BROTHER, JEFF, WHO IS 9 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. HE IS IN LATE STAGE LIVER DISEASE, AND IS NOT EXPECTD TO LIVE BEYOND A FEW WEEKS. HE IS IN HOSPICE CARE, HIS KIDNEYS ARE SHUTTING DOWN, AND HIS SKIN HAS A YELLOW COLOR TO IT. I AM SO TIRED OF LOSING EVERYONE..NOW MY BROTHER. HE SPENT ALOT OF TIME WITH RANDY AND I WHEN HE WAS GROWING UP. MY DAD AND HIM DIDNT GET ALONG VERY WELL, SO HE WOULD STAY WITH US FOR MONTHS AT A TIME. I AM ASKING ALL MY FRIENDS TO PRAY FOR A PEACEFUL DEATH, AND THAT HE NOT SUFFER TOO BADLY. I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED ON HIS CONDITION. WE ARE HAVING A TRADITIONAL FAMILY CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY ON THE 21ST OF THIS MONTH, SINCE HOSPICE SAYS HE WILL PROBABLY NOT MAKE IT PAST THE FIRST OF OCTOBER, AND WE WANT TO SHARE ONE MORE CHRISTMAS WITH HIM. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR PRAYERS, AND GOD SPEED TO YOU MY DEAR BROTHER. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS.....MY BROTHER PASSED ON SEPTEMBER 16TH, AND NEVER EVEN MADE IT UNTIL THE PARTY, WHICH WE CANCELLED OF COURSE. YOU WILL BE GREATLY MISSED MY DEAR BROTHER. HUGS

Today my Honey has been gone for 6 years. It seems like only a year ago...the pain is still so real and deep. I have chosen to do something different this year by celebrating the wonderful life I shared with my true love and soul mate. We were chiildhood sweethearts...met when i was 11 and he was 12...so we spent well over half of our lives together. He always made me smile,and my heart would beat a little faster whenever he came home from wherever. On the few occassions he and Michael, our son, would go to other states for car auctions or flea makets, I would always know when Randy was close to home. I would wake from a sound sleep and know he would be home soon...and it never failed. If he was gone out late, all I had to do was think about him, and it would pop into my head where he was. One time he was gone to a friends who lived about 100 miles away, and I had no clue that he and Michael were heading up there to Johns house. I did the relaxing and thinking about my honey, and John popped into my head. About an hour later, here came Randy, Michael and John. They had gone to pick him up to bring him home for the weekend. John is a very old friend of both of ours. I have known him since I was 4, and he was best man at our wedding. I told our daughter before they got home that they were up t Uncle johns house, and she asked me how i knew that. I told her I just know. When they all walked in she couldnt believe it. She told randy that I knew they had gone there, and had told her as much awhile before they got home.

Another time randy was on his way out of state with my brother to an auto auction. Michael was too young to go at that time, so stayed home with his sister and I. Those 2 kids were driving me up a wall. They did everything they could to make me angry, until I finally had enough. i made them lay butt up on their beds, and they each got quite a spanking. I always felt bad hitting my kids, and between that and the way the were acting, i went in my room and lay on the bed and cried like a baby. I was sobbing for awile, and pretty soon the bedroo door opened and in came Randy. he said they were on the freeway and something told him he had to come home. he sensed that I needed him from about 50 miles away. We were true soul mates, that is the only way i can explain the kind of 6th sense we shared with each other. I think that is why it hurts so much to be alone without him here, but i want Joey to feel happy when I am gone, so want to show him that we can celebrate death, for they are in a much better place...no pain..no illnesses...just the light of god all around. Sure, he will be sad when I am gone, but i also want him to be happy that I am with is dad and grandparents and that I am no longer in pain or sick to my stomach every day....and if there is food in Heaven...i will be able to eat whatever i want to eat.

I love you my darling, and thank you for the wonderful life you gave me and the love you shared with me for all those years. i will see you in my dreams, and in Heaven when it is Gods will to bring me there...XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Today is my brother, Scotts, birthday. He is the oldest of my brothers, but younger (7 yrs) than me. He is the quiet one. It takes alot to get him angry, but watch out when he does...lol. My parents had 3 girls, Karen, me, and Deb...then 3 boys, Scott (who I call Otto), Jeff (who I call Jay) and Randy (who I call Dones). "Otto" is 45 years old today, and is a great grandfather!! His oldest son, Chris, married a woman older than him. Chris is going to be 29 and his wife is 34. She has a daughter from a previous marriage who is 16, and a mother. The state took the baby (Desiree') away from her mother, and my brother and sis in-law, Carol, have custody of her. Otto would give anyone the shirt off his back. He is a very caring man and we have always gotten along great...as I have with all my brothers most of the time. They were all like brothers to my Randy. Having 2 Randys in the family is one reason I gave my baby brother the nickname of Dones. Otto and Carol brought the baby up a few weeks ago for a visit. They live about an hour and a half away, so I dont see them much. My brother also works 6 days a week, so hasn't much time to go places. We try to plan at least one family get together every year for us siblings to catch up on each others lives. This year I am planning on having everyone at my house for a cookout...if this weather ever warms up.

Scott use to work for Randy in the construction clean up business we owned many years ago. He was our manager and supervised all the workers. He would be here in a heartbeat for me if I needed him to be. He is the executor of my will, so Christy will have someone to back her up and send my vulture family to if they come asking for things after I'm gone. I trust my brother without question, and have talked to him about my wishes and all. I know he will see things are followed to the letter.

We spent alot of time together back when our kids were younger. We use to go camping every year or to a cottage over at the Silver Lake sand dunes on the Lake Michigan side of the state. They were camping with us the time I got sprayed by a skunk...they went baja-ing on the sand dunes...so many wonderful memories we made with them. We always had a blast together, and Carol is more like a sister than an in-law. We have always gotten along very well, and have never had any 'outs' with either of them. I wish they lived closer so I could see them more. Its too long between visits and I miss them very much.

So...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my big little brother. I wish you much peace and happiness. I send you huge hugs and lots of love. I am honored to have you as not only a brother, but a friend, as well. I love you Otto.