A few weeks ago, I went up north to Morenci, Michigan to preach at a friend's church. I hadn't seen him since May and it was great to not only catch up, but to see him in action in his church as well. Driving home, I stopped in Toledo, OH to see an old college friend, and we spent an hour or so catching up before I decided I needed to make my way back home before it got too late.

I've only driven that route a few times. For some reason, I always almost miss my exit off of 75 and end up having to cut across a couple lanes of traffic at the last moment. This time, however, I didn't realize it was my exit until I'd passed it. I was momentarily frustrated but it'd been a good day, I didn't have to be anywhere at any specific time, so I relaxed and headed towards the next exit to turn around.

Problem was, that exit took forever! I mean, it was a good 20 miles up the road. So instead of turning around, I decided to try to cut across on the highway until I found a familiar road.

Uh, bad idea.

First of all, the road did not actually go East. Rather, it went Easterly for about four miles and then it headed due south. Second, I started going through little towns I had NEVER heard of. After about 40 minutes (I should have been at my road by then) I knew I was completely lost.

Now the first thing that happened was I panicked, thinking, where the f*@& am I?? I called my friend and asked if he could help me, and he said the age old response we use when people tell us they're lost: Where are you? (Um, DUH! If I KNEW THAT I WOULDN'T BE LOST!!) Realizing that he'd be no use, I stopped at a gas station to buy an Ohio map. The clerk said, "Sorry, we're out of Ohio maps but I have a Kentucky or Indiana map if you wan." I looked at her very calmly and said, "Ma'am, thank you, but if I need a Kentucky or Indiana map at this point, I'm completely screwed." So, I asked what road to take to go East and she pointed me in the right direction (I'm so directionally challenged!) and I set off down the road again.

And then, something really cool happened: I was overwhelmed by this odd sense of adventure. It felt GOOD to be lost...to have no idea where I was and really nothing telling me I had to get where I was going. I drove mostly aimlessly in a somewhat Eastern direction for another 40 minutes, and I started to see my life in the curvy country roads I was following out in the middle of nowhere, Ohio.

I got a little lost this past year. I took a few shortcuts that ended up dropping me off in the middle of nowhere, and the windy roads I thought would lead me home only compounded the sense of confusion and panic I felt. Yet, the journey--though it took a long time--was well worth it. I learned a lot about myself, my faith, my friends.... I learned that I didn't need anyone to solve my problems for me--that I'm strong enough and capable enough to do it myself. I learned that I'm okay the way I am. I learned that the process of getting somewhere is as important as the arriving.

I got lost, but I also found my way...yet the finding was no more important than the losing...

I eventually got home that night. It took me three hours longer than it should have, and I wasted quite a lot of gas. But I was in a fantastic mood, and reminded that sometimes getting lost helps us to appreciate home all that much more.

Always,

Becca

I love these stuipd myspace surveys...

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?
Unfortunately.

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
6 years. Hell!

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
LIttle pencil case from a friend at school.

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
I drop my phone all the time. poor phone!

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
today. everyday. at least i try.

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
music and things to produce or playback music.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
blue applesauce. tastes like blueberries. not apples. odd.

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
their laugh. eyes. smile. okay, that's more than one thing. but its like a package thing :) I'm a bit boy crazy.

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
Our Song by Taylor Swift. Falls Apart by Hurt. Home by Chris Daughtry

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Delaware, Ohio. For now.

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Union High School, Union Oregon

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
Sprint

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
Bath and Body Works

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD?
Youth pastor

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
lots.

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
Used to. but i grew up, sheesh.

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
Emilie's to Bruce :)

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
Jon

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
An hour or so ago

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
ARBY'S

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
"I don't love you" even though I do.

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
My house.

24. CAN YOU COOK?
I think so. You'd have to ask those I cook for if I really can!

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
Don't even get me started.

26. BEST KISSER:
Not telling but he knows who he is :)

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
Really cried? Been a few days actually. Got teary eyed? Tonight but I refused to let it get the best of me.

28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
Lima Beans. BLECH. and liver. grooossss!

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
I can find the silver lining and im not afraid to take a risk even if i'm certain it will lead to pain.

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
Im so fucking emotional!!!

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
18 hours--the day after christmas at the mall!! 6 am to midnight. THAT SUCKED!

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
Peggy Sue Got Married.

34. CAN YOU SING?
I guess. I'm not God's gift but I'm not wretched.

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
I dont even remember. Jeremy Camp I think.

36. LAST KISS?
Been a little while, sadly enough. Missing it ;-)

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
Wow, I haven't rented in a long, long time!! Maybe...broken bridges, last fall!

38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
Cell phone.

39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT:
Disneyland!!

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Laptop. I'm all about the mobile.

44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
Um...i dont even know.

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
Nope.

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
NAKED BABY!!!

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
No one but me.

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
Yes but you have to really put the effort in.

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Too many times to count.

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French toast

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
Somewhat. I like it when it's full of milk and sugar.

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Over Medium.

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?
Somewhat. Im so pisces!!

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
Mike

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
Micah

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
8-7Oregon is up but AZ scored! (from Jon)

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
3

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
Not a damn thing.

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
"I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't lose my head. they crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my head. dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that i'm alone. playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home!"

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
Strawberry

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
BADLY. Very badly.

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
No. I can keep myself from drowning though. HAHA

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
Vanilla

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
I can't really navigate with them. But they are pretty and fun to look at!! ;-)

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
My favorite pastime is kissing ;-)

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
Sure

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?:
Fall

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
Few minutes ago.

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
736 am

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
Christmas :)

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
Oh uh...ticket.. uh...i think....speeding ticket Oct. of 2006

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
Cat named Butler. I miss that thing!

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
Cool!

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
Going to Michigan to visit a friend I haven't seen since May.

78. BIRTHDATE
March 4

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
When? like when I grow up? Happy :)

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Yes.

87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
No.

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW
Desperately.

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU?
The Netherlands

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
Nope.

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
MOre like in love with them.

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
Becca. :)

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
Black.

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
yes.

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
Nope.

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
Nope.

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER
Yes.

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
Sorta.

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
I think I am.

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
many times unfortunately.

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
YES. Very much so.

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
Nothing. I'm in bed.

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Sleep. Or at least attempt to.

So, summer is certainly gone. What a bummer. Well into October, the days were warm and I could pretend that it wasn't really fall and that winter wasn't just around the corner.

Now, though, the mornings are cold and getting colder, I wake up to the ground covered in frost, and the building has finally turned on the heat. I'm not a big fan of Ohio winter, but as this is my last in Ohio, winter this year is a sign that I only have about six months left and I can go. After spending the summer in Oregon, Ohio has lost any appeal that it had (though, I'm not sure it really had any to begin with!)

A couple of weeks ago, my friend and I planted a little flower garden outside our apartment building. It is a very small patch of dirt next to the steps and handicap ramp, but it happens to be right underneath my first floor window. We planted pansies that are, even with several days of frost, still thriving, and we planted bulbs that will go unnoticed during the winter and should be up in early spring.

We also installed a couple of bird feeders. This has become my favorite part of the garden. I can sit here on my couch looking out the window, and where I used to see only parking lot and the manors across the lot I now see a constant flow of birds stopping by for a snack. Right now there is a little bright colored woodpecker hanging mostly upside down eating from the suet log.

I'm not sure why, but this has become one of life's little joys for me. Stuck here in the middle of Nowhere, Ohio, knowing that winter is not far away, working more hours than I want to and still dealing with parts of life I never wanted to experience, I have this one thing that, without fail, brightens my day and brings a smile to my face. Yesterday, I stood in my window for 15 minutes (nearly making myself late for work) just watching the birds fly in and out and eat.

I'm not sure how long it will last. I mean, don't birds fly south for the winter? Still, I'll enjoy it as long as it lasts and let it remind me that even in the winter, one can always find a little bit of spring if they look hard enough.

Always,

Becca

Okay, so it's been a long time. I haven't written anything since the middle of summer. Thanks to all of you who have been patient and have kept checking in.

Life is still very messy and complicated right now...but my head is back in the game!!

I'll write more later and REALLY catch ya'll up but for now... hope you're having a great day and enjoying these last few nice summer days.

Later,

Becca