Tarot of the Belly Dancer -

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Vampire seeks Minnesota governor's job
Thu Jan 12, 2006 4:03 PM ET

MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) - Minnesota voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.

"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor on Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.

Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits.

"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."

However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.

Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."

"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.

The field for the governor's race in Minnesota is far from complete. Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent has not been determined.

Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy on Friday -- the 13th -- because that was "my lucky number."

The Parable of the Twins

Is there life after this one?

Once upon a time, twin girls were conceived in the same womb. Weeks passed and the twins developed. As their awareness grew, they laughed with joy: “Isn’t it great that we were conceived? Isn’t it great to be alive?”

Together the twins explored the world. When they found their mother’s cord that gave them life, they sang for joy: “How great is our mother’s love that she shared her own life with us?”

As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each was changing. “What does it mean?” asked one.

“It means that our stay in this world is drawing to an end,” said the other one.

“But I don’t want to go,” said the other one. “I want to stay here always.”

“We have no choice,” said the other. “But maybe there is life after birth!”

“But how can that be?" responded the one. “We will shed our life cord, and how is life possible without it? Besides, we have seen no evidence that others were here before us,
and none of them have returned to tell us that there is life after birth. No, this is the end.”

And so the one fell into deep despair, saying: “If conception ends in birth, what is the purpose of life in the womb? It’s meaningless! Maybe there is no mother after all.”

“But there has to be,” protested the other. “How else did we get here? How do we remain alive?”

“Have you ever seen our mother?” said the one. "Maybe she lives only in our minds. Maybe we made her up because the idea made us feel good.”

And so the last days in the womb were filled with deep questioning and fear. Finally, the moment of birth arrived. When the twins had passed from their world, they opened their eyes and they cried. For what they saw exceeded their fondest dreams.