Yahoo! 360° - Tiff & The Menagerie

Tiff & The Menagerie Full Post View | List View

This is my own journal, about me and my life. If you can't handle abuse issues DO NOT READ THIS.

Entry for October 01, 2008: Eco-Friendly: Cloth Shopping Bags

I know that many people do not use reusable cloth grocery bags. I do. I find them so much nicer. They hold more groceries. They are sturdy. And it is easy to get into a habbit of grabbing them on the way out the door. It makes carrying your groceries more like carrying a heavy purse, without those plastic bag handles digging into your arms.

If you do use plastic bags, as we do when we occasionally do not have enough cloth bags, PLEASE reuse or recycle them!

The better choice, with so many environmental as well as personal benefits, it to use the cloth bags. I personally have found that Walgreens has these bags for only 99cents. They hold their shape as a paper sack would. Some people do not like the bulkiness of carrying around a bunch of cloth bags, but I find that the Walgreens brand folds just like a paper sack, and you can fold all of your bags into one bag. Other brands or types I have found more expensive and less convenient unless it is a wallet sized fold up bag, useful for laces like a shopping mall, where you do not want to carry your bulky bags around.

According to Newsweek Magazine, the Flip & Tumble folds like a pair of socks into a three inch ball into a spandex pouch. This sells for $12 at FlipAndTumble.com. The nylon ChicoBag folds into it's 3"x4" pouch, can hook onto anything with it's clip, and is machine washable. It sells for only $5 at ChicoBag.com. Finally, the Envirosax comes in 44 different designs, hold 40lbs, and are available for $8.50 at Envirosax.com.

I prefer my 99cent Walgreens bag. But if youre looking for something more stylish or a bit more convenient, these would be the way to go. My suggestion to you is to buy 1 or 2 bags each time you shop at Walgreens until you've built up the supply you need. Remeber, we have to make changes. This one is so easy, and even benefits you since cloth bags are a much better choice over paper or plastic for use and practicality!

Thank you,

Tiff

Do you use cloth shopping bags?

Yes, usually.: 1
No.: 0
I am considering beginning to.: 0

Tags: ecofriendly, environment, clothbags, green, Wednesday October 1, 2008 - 04:33am (CDT) Permanent Link | 1 Comment

Entry for June 14, 2008: The State of the World

i've been catching up on my newsweek's. i'm really upset at the state
of the world. i'm pissed off at the US economy and the shit that GW
gets away with and it seems like nobody cares! HE'S KILLING PEOPLE,
COME ON!!!!!!!!!! i hope he's indicted for murder for every life lost
in iraq and etc.....but you know that will never happen. our soldiers
are getting FUCKED. IT PISSES ME OFF. they dont have good armor and
enough supplies and they're serving 3 or more tours over there and
getting fucked up in the head and injured with NO decent health or
mental health care. HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING??? all this going on,
and i am facing a serious crisis with the rise in gas AND FOOD costs.
which are only expected to rise. WHERE IS OUR GOVERNMENT to lead us
out of this recession? OOOOOOOOH, that's right, they all own oil so
they're not feeling it and don't care.

then i start thinking how unbelievably lucky we are. how lucky YOU
are. we could live in china or burma.....both oppressive governments
and countries of the TRULY POOR (not like our poor) and then they get
hit with an earthquake and a cyclone? THEY PERSEVERE BECAUSE THEY
HAVE TO. yet i, with a little fucked up shit in my past, have a
fractured mind bc i was too fragile to handle it. our problems don't
seem that significant when they pale in comparison to the
world's......yet they seem to hurt US so bad. are we ungrateful? are
we spoiled? just.....why does it hurt so bad.......when so many
millions of our brothers and sisters suffer so much worse? i hurt for
them too.....

tiff

Saturday June 14, 2008 - 04:32am (CDT) Permanent Link | 1 Comment

Entry for May 06, 2008: I is a poet yo.

MY THERAPIST TOLD ME TO LOVE MYSELF

BY TIFF

my therapist told me to love myself

she didnt say which part

so like the good client i am

i gave it my best start.

i looked myself up and down

but ne'er did i see

nothing but i did was frown

except below the knee

and there it was just looking

with the love only we could know

something was a cookin'

with me and my big toe.

it wiggled at me and i winked back

and this was the beginning here

i felt so sorry for that hammer whack

i'd given it just last year.

it forgave me out of the love we knew

i saw a twinkle on the nail

a sparkle in my loving eyes too

my heart peeked out from behind it's veil.

oh big toe, big toe,

a ring i'll get you to wear

no one can ever know

the deep love we do now share.

and if you're ever chopped off i fear

others would just look aghast.

i would still carry you on a keychain, dear

hooked against my pants.

*photo is my BSG Raider*

Tuesday May 6, 2008 - 05:40pm (CDT) Permanent Link | 3 Comments

Entry for April 29, 2008: Heartbroken

Screaming silently

Crying silent tears

A silent heart broken

Nobody hears

Nobody sees

Nobody can feel

A silent past

A silent tear

A silent heart broken

Still nobody hears

As it shattered silently

& hit the ground

Nobody cared

Nobody saw

Nobody knew

I remain lost in a silent world

I remain heartbroken

Unseen

Unheard

A silent cry

A silent mind

This question

I ask

........in silence

Why?

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Yes, my heart has been trampled on again. Pretty bad this time. I don't get along well with my own biological family, so I have created a support system and call them my "chosen" family. I have a mom, auntie, and brother. My brother is just the best ever. Mom is so cool and I don't know what I'd do without her. Auntie.... I think she's crazy or something. She attacked me not once but twice (verbally) like some mad woman, saying crazy things that were ridiculous. For example: "Tiff uses all small {meaning lower case} letters because she types fast and she wants you to know she feels small like her...".....so she can...."snow you over". I know, it's crazy, nobody capitalizes letters anymore. I am right now just b/c I wanted this to have that "look" but that's it. But what hurts me is that she thinks I'm trying to "snow them over". THAT HURTS.

It all started when we went out to eat. I had 3 pancakes, 2 eggs, and fruit and one coffee with 2 creamer and 4 Splendas. This was the smallest quantity of breakfast food I could get here. I ate the eggs, half the pancakes, and didn't make it to the fruit before getting full. So I saved the rest for a snack or something later.

On the way there, Maw Susan had taken her car. Her car is humiliating for me to ride in b/c I cannot get the seatbelt on very well. The attachment is bent and broken and there's hardly any slack since I am overweight. It fits, it's just hard and embarrassing to struggle.

They took me home after the dinner, told me they loved me, gave me hugs... and a few hours later I get a call from MAW SUSAN saying that AUNTIE ANN doesnt want to talk to us ever again. WHAT??? B/c she felt I was being defiant by eating what I was eating in front of her. Here is a woman who said that she loved me, and now she just throws me out b/c she doesn't have control over what goes into my mouth? Oh my God, and then she wrote this email that listed everything I ate and the portions - which were wrong - and how many calories it was and that I was SICK and needed COUNSELING b/c I'm bent on this self destructive behavior ----cuz I wanted pancakes!!!!!!

So, this is Day 4 of no sleep and crying. She said she loved me, and I loved her as family and family doesn't try to control you and just up and leave you b/c they can't accept you. That's not what family does!!! Now on day 4 with some time to calm down, I'm realizing how crazy this woman is. She so sooooo sweet tho and she's offered her help with so many things and she does to so many people... but she said that she had a right to treat me this way b/c she had spent money on me. I never ASKED for that. If someone said, have the money and let me control you or go without......I'd surely go without, wouldn't you?!

I'm so broken hearted. So so sad. She doesn't love me which means this whole time she didn't. She probably just uses her money to get her way? Is that why she spent so much on me if it wasn't out of love? Why would she attack me like that? Accuse me of trying to "snow" someone over?

She's hurt me more than she will ever know. But she won't care. And, her bad heart problems are apparently my fault b/c she worries about me, so I need to just get out of her life. Which sadly, sounds like that would be best for us both. She doesn't love me, I don't need that. I'm SICK AND TIRED of bringing up MONEY. It's not about, never was, and never WILL BE ABOUT THE MONEY. IT'S ABOUT LOVE. It's about having a family and a support system to call my own, people that care about me. She even used a phone call over my head. Well hell, I worked on her pc and I didn't hold that against her. What the hell? Why does she hate me like this all of a sudden? She must, to hurt me so bad.

Maw Susan is trying to keep the peace and said that sometimes she lectures people. NO. This was not a lecture. This was throwing me out in the garbage. Then it was control. There was so much said about my eating and getting into the car that I think I'm scarred for life. I don't trust Maw Susan now anymore either. All that's left is my brother.

Because of Auntie, I can no longer eat in public. I can no longer eat around anyone but my brother cuz he's the only one that TRULY loves me. I cannot ride in Susan's car. I have to go hungry or thirsty if I'm out with someone b/c I can't get enough to drink if I want another coffee or something like that. She's hurt me, far more than she knows. Far far more. But I'll never tell her. Let her live her life out in peace. I told Susan I'd already been to a dr recently about my weight, so they didn't have to worry. But you know, it's nobody's BUSINESS ANYWAY! What sort of people love you CONDITIONALLY?

I guess what hurts a lot too is that Auntie doesn't even know me. If she did, then she's a ruthless bitch for what she has done. Otherwise, she'd know how hurt I am and how this is the same emotional and verbal abuse I have suffered before as a child and teenager. She really hurt me in insinuating that I wasn't sincere, which is bullshit and shows that she doesn't know me. And that hurts too. But to be thrown out and stomped on a couple of times... well that's enough for me. Besides, I'd rather err on the safe side and if my mere presence in her life is making her heart react, then I need to stay away. I love her too much for that.

DAMN HER ANYWAY. IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE FUCKING MONEY OR SHIT. IT WAS ABOUT LOVE GOD DAMMIT. Doesn't ANYBODY LOVE ME besides my brother?????

Tags: auntie, ann, heartbroken, sad Tuesday April 29, 2008 - 04:03am (CDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments

Entry for March 02, 2008: Recent Events

hi! been a long time, i know! since i last wrote, we received our housing assistance voucher. it was practically overnight and then we had to hunt for a new place to live within the allotted time. what a chore for someone who doesn't leave the house alone! we did find a new place, in the suburb. no more gunfire, no more drunks and crackheads and bums. we're out of the ghetto now! the place is nice, a 2bdrm duplex w/ yard for the dog. (the above pic is MAX, whom i gave up, but i still have ANGEL, my pit mix) there are mostly wood floors in here so it's a lot easier to keep clean from the dog. i love it. the weather was nice yesterday so i got to sit in my new back yard and daydream about how i was going to plant flowers in a couple months!

the move was very very stressful. i was supposed to have my 25th surgery but canceled it due to the move. i'm doing pretty good as far as the spine goes. i'm still in a lot of pain, but most times i can tolerate it with medication and rest. the house is still mostly boxed up. we had movers come in and pack and move us, so now we have boxes we have no idea what's in and it's taking forever to get unpacked with our spinal injuries hampering our progress. but that's ok! we have what we need out!

it was brought to my attention recently that something was "wrong" with us. apparently i had been switching a LOT - even more than normal - and some of us had said they were suicidal....blossom was left in charge for a long time and she's only 17 and not old enough to handle all the household business. i had no idea what was going on and just lost time. so, after hearing this information and taking the advice of friends, we followed up with our case mgr to get more help. we don't have a therapist now and don't want one. but apparently it looks like we need a DID specialist. we see the new case mgr twice, and the psychiatrist this week.

the change over has been really hard and tedious since we crossed the state line. our case mgr is failing us in helping w/ things we need help with desperately, like getting medicaid here so we can go to a dr, like finding a new pcp dr, like finding a new home nurse as we cannot do cleaning and other things.....etc etc. my auntie ann (adopted aunt) is writing a letter to the cm's super which will hopefully get things in gear.

i told someone some memories i was having that wouldn't go away and wouldn't stop hurting me. i was so upset about it. that made the switching more and then blossom was in charge indefinitely (until i was told about what was going on). the first memory is at age 2, just some man's genitals in my face. the second memory is of danny and todd. i think i was age 4-7. they played "doctor" with us and we could never tell anyone. we spent a lot of time alone w/ them as mom worked and they 'babysat' us. they tortured us sexually and we didn't know what to do but it hurt. it made us bleed. it made us cry. this was the 'birth' of Stacey, my now 7 yr old person (alter). an 'instrument' was used to stretch us out so todd could fuck us and it was apparently better to do anally than vaginally or something, bc they tried both but the most common was sodomy. todd was in high school. he also got his dad's porno mags and made me and danny act them out.

you'd think this in itself would be very upsetting to someone. the abuse itself, we are rather detached from. the upsetting part is that we wonder, WHY did our mother NOT listen to us???? see the signs???? for god sake, we DREW it, we had BLOOD, and we pulled our HAIR out and had behavior problems!!!!! so the feeling of neglect from her, that she didn't care, that she just did the basic necessities so that we lived a miserable loveless existence...THAT is what hurt.

anyway there's more but maybe another time. we were told we are really "sick" right now. yet i dont see it myself.

despite all this, and with the exception of a short while with a broken heart, we are doing really well! this seems like a negative entry i suppose, but focus on the GOOD in it! no more gunshots outside the window! no more rotted leaking moldy ceilings and rats and mice! no more FILTH! we are so grateful for what we've found in this new place! it's gonna get better, you'll see! it's gonna get so good, we won't know how to deal with all the good things in our life!

thank you for listening,

tiff

Sunday March 2, 2008 - 06:45am (CST) Permanent Link | 2 Comments

Tiff

Tag Cloud

Tiff & The Menagerie Full Post View | List View

Do you use cloth shopping bags?