Keeping your Long Distance Relationship Strong

Love is a pleasant disease. Distance makes it worse, but many fantasies lead to the creation of castles in the air... Love and distance don't go together... but they are a reality.

This is a sick condition because when you love someone, you become dependent on the person you adore. You cannot survive without them and nothing has any meaning.

Try to define what is happening to you and try to understand your position in this situation.

. Are you really in love with this person or with the idea that represents them?

. Are you ready to act and do something to achieve your aim?

. What will happen to you if things are not the way you imagine?

These are the basic questions of your main problem.

There are many questions that worry you besides these basic ones and there are many other problems as well

If you are really serious and really sure, don't be afraid to pursue your happiness

A long distance relationship can survive if you keep communication lines open.

In a long distance relationship trust is a key factor. Trust is very important in a relationship and both of you have to have trust in yourselves and in each other for your relationship to survive. If you do not have this trust, one person or both people in the relationship may get worried, have doubts, be insecure and create tension that is not as easy to overcome when there are miles between you both.

Another way to keep your long distance relationship strong and to create trust is by always updating your mate on what you are up to. Tell them about the friends you have, the work you are doing and just your general daily experiences.

Being creative when you keep in touch is another fun way to keep romance alive while apart and can include anything from e-cards, photos to posting real love letters. Fun emails, faxes and calling to say hello to your love is also a great way to keep your bond strong.

A long distance relationship can be some what of a test for each other, and will prove how strong your love really is. Every now and then, check in with your partner to see if they are happy with your relationship and tell them how you feel as well.

On the other hand, you are far from your love and you ignore many things. Don't be impatient. Be careful: don't spend all your energy in this plan because you may need to survive after a big deception.

You need to able to openly discuss small, meaningless matters, as well as the big, important ones that may make you uncomfortable. The important thing is to be honest with one another.

Telling your mate how much they mean to you and how much you love them will always keep your love flowing.

Compliments are always a bonus! You are both together because you fell in love with each others soul and heart, so it always nice to be reminded of how much someone loves you

Think about everything and be very serious when you do so because your life is very important and the decisions you make today will affect your future.

Whatever you decide to do, decide after thinking seriously about everything and considering what your heart feels. You must be sensitive and sensible at the same time if you wish to be wise and triumph.

And I wish all peoples be happy .healthy and have good life always

amir

One of the most obvious signs of truly being in love is when people smile most of the time when they are together. A happy heart brings a happy face. If a person is very happy in the presence of their partner, chances are they are truly in love. Keep in mind that this is not just any smile; this is a smile that nearly glows, which expresses peak happiness in both people.

The passage of time is another key for couples who are truly in love. Some couples might find that time stands still while they are together, when it fact, time is flying by. This whole distortion of how time is perceived is a sign of a couple being really in love. It is almost like when the couple is together; they lose track of time and practically disappear into a time zone of their own. The love time zone has no beginning or end; it is just a steady dreamlike state of mutual happiness.

Another sign of true love is when a couple makes each other their priority. There is a lot of work and other obligations, which fill up a person’s day and yet it is a good sign when couples make each other their priority. People should obviously do what they need to do for themselves, but under all this, a deep true love for their partner should be there if it is real love. Part of being in true love of course is to understand each other’s work and obligations so that a good balance is met between these things and the relationship. The key is to make time for the person that you love, as there is a time and place for everything and everyone. Those who are in true love prioritize their partner in this way.

Random acts of love and thoughtfulness are other indications of true love. When there is no special occasion and your partner does something loving or special for you, you know that it is real love. When a person goes that extra mile to express their love, it is a good thing. It does not have to involve giving materialistic gifts but it could simply be a kind and loving gesture or even a loving conversation about how they feel about you. Random acts of love and thoughtfulness could include things like bringing a rose home to you or giving you a card or taking you out for dinner. Just watch for little gestures of love that mean a lot, at times when you least expect it.

Also, you know when a person is in love when they think of you in their plans. For example, if a person is planning to go somewhere for the weekend and they ask their partner if they want to come with them. This thoughtfulness shows true love as it expresses desire for their partner to be part of their activities or time away. Little things like this mean so much!

Finally, you can feel true love in your heart when you are with the right person. Your partner’s hug, kiss and touch are unlike anything you have ever known before. There is no mistaking it when love is for real. Also, there are no doubts for true love. There is a certain mutual confidence in a relationship that is meant to be. True love is powerful and passionate!

Emotional Infidelity

Emotional affairs are those where emotional connection is achieved by two persons who have a relationship with someone else. Although people involved in such affairs insist that emotional affinity is not a threat to their relationship, the truth is that regardless what they say, at the end relationships are forged from sentimental affinity. Therefore having such connection with someone else means that their current relationship is in great danger and that a new relationship is being shaped.

An emotional connection is easily achieved when intense work or a problem is solved together by the persons involved, even though there is more people is involved or they are part of a team.

When an emotional affair is happening between two persons, usually they behave like teens in love, leaving in one way or the other important activities or obligations to assign time to the activity where they meet.

A not justified increase in time working at the office or wherever the meet, only means that they love to spend time together and they sacrifice other important things in their life to get together, like their own families.

The common defense against emotional infidelity accusations is that they are only friends and that nothing is happening between them. Most of the time, when the emotional relation has not evolved into something else, such affirmation it is the truth, but sometimes that could be the beginning of a relationship.

Therefore, the real danger of an emotional infidelity is not such relationship itself, but the menace that it can be the sparking of a real romantic affair.

To recognize the difference when is becoming dangerous, is when your lover doesn't know anymore where to draw the line as he or she gets involved in something else very completely ignoring other aspects of his or her life, like family, kids, self care, etc.

It is very important when dealing with this kind of problem, avoid behaving jealousy with your partner because that will develop an even stronger bond between the people having the emotional affair. Also, this will make them talking seriously about their feelings for each other.

The real danger of an emotional infidelity is not such relationship itself, but the menace that it can be the sparking of a real romantic affair.

Have the Courage...

An emotional affair on most occasions comes as a reaction to the real life activities in a couple, like raising children, paying bills, etc. So avoid making this the focal point of your life.

If you notice that this is happening, try making your partner aware of what is he or she doing, without making a scene and without behaving jealousy as I said before. Only a clear, non-aggressive, non-emotional and very reasoned exposition, advising him or her about where is he or she directing and the consequences of it.

If you get an aggressive, very emotional response, it is probable that it is time to start looking for the signs of infidelity, which I described in previous articles.

One of the risks of a real emotional affair is that people involved do not feel guilty as they have not done anything wrong, yet. Therefore, blaming or unnecessarily attacking them will have very unwilling results.

Cheating on the Internet

If you are suspicious that your spouse or partner is cheating on the Internet, you probably are asking yourself, will it become “real” cheating later? Can my relationship be threatened by a cyber-relationship? There are several ways to cheat on the Internet and there are several degrees of cheating on the Internet as well. I will detail them below.

How do they cheat on the Internet?

Cheating on the Internet implies getting in contact with another person or persons through different methods, which are mainly websites or dedicated software made especially for this purpose.

It is important to mention that Internet is particularly successful in putting people in contact as it provides a way to interact with less inhibition and more caution when knowing somebody else than the real life.

The initial contact will be usually made by chat or email, which immediately will evolve into a chat conversation too. Once in communication through one of the hundreds of chat software programs available, any kind of information can be exchanged between the two persons like text, images, sound and even live video.

The places where people can meet on the Internet are thousands, and they are can be classified into the following categories:

1. Chat rooms. (MSN and Yahoo are the most used).

2. Friend networks. (Hi5 and Orkut are very popular).

3. Direct contact through chat profiles. (Looking through the profiles of MSN members)

4. Sites to match couples. (Perfectmatch, match, etc)

5. Relationship sites. (Passion, Adult Friend Finder, etc)

After the initial contact made through any of these resources, people eventually will start chatting. In fact, most of the times the initial contact will be made only to exchange mail or chat addresses.

When people start getting acquainted with the other person through those chat conversations, they will start to share their problems, likes and dislikes, getting an enormous amount of sympathy from the other person.

This happens naturally because in our fast world, we have no time to calmly talk with our partners during days, but also because this kind of communication gives us unparallel confidence to speak freely as there is no real contact with the other person. He/she is the ideal receptor letting us to say whatever we want, without questioning it and usually agreeing our point of view.

That sympathy will turn into affection afterwards and if the relationship last for sometime, sooner or later one of the persons will ask the other to meet somewhere to know each other. During this process, a photograph exchange is common and if both have web cameras, they probably will see live images from each other.

A chat conversation is the ideal media to forge intense human relationships (of any kind) and therefore an ideal platform for cheating.

The intensity of the relationships created is such that I have knowledge of people going directly to bed on their first “real” meeting.

It is important to understand that not everyone who chats or even meet in real life is a cheater. Internet is a great and wonderful resource and we all are responsible on how we use it.

For some people, having their couples such strong feelings towards other persons is enough to think that they are being cheated even though sex is not involved. Others do not care if their couples have cyber-friends as long as they do not know each other.

Finally, there is another set of people, especially those who live in different towns, which will practice cyber-sex, as natural outcome of what I have been describing above. Cyber-sex usually evolves into phone sex, but the chances of cheating are less probable as they need to travel to meet each other. I don’t need to mention, but I will, that as you probably know, there is a lot of people who actually travel to meet each other as result of first meeting on the Internet.
Even more, experienced cheaters will contact people in advance in those places where they know that will be traveling soon

Detecting & Preventing Infidelity

Learn the Signs of Infidelity and Catch a Cheating Spouse,
Wife, Husband, Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Is your Spouse having an Affair?

If you take a moment to make an objective analysis, you will notice that something is happening. If at the same time, you realize that your spouse has been more distant every day lately and your relationship has been colder than ever, it is time to take action. Whatever is happening, you cannot stay still. If you are not being cheated, you will be soon if you do not solve your situation.

After some time of living a nightmare of doubts, you have realized that you deserve to know the truth. Is my Spouse cheating on me?

You DESERVE to know the truth

While some other experts recommend talking to your partner, spouse, husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend and expose your feelings, for experience, I can tell you that most of the time your cheating partner will deny having such unfaithful relationship and exposing your feelings to him or her will make harder to find the truth.

Whatever you decide to do later, you need to know the truth, you deserve it!

This is not a traditional approach, but it is what will give you the best results whatsoever.

Never is too late! as long as the relationship last, but you need to act as fast as possible. One day later could be too late for your relationship, why wait?

How to SOLVE this problem

The slepless nights, the sensation of failure and the constant thinking that everything in your life is finished, are normal feelings when you start to get suspicious about your partner, but that also will consume lots of precious days of your life.

You have to realize that with or without your partner, you will continue with your life and most of the times much happier than before, even if you are not able to see it now when you are in the middle of this overwhelming problem.

You feel distressed now, but keep the focus on you. Try to get over as soon as possible and get as many help as possible to keep you out for falling into the black hole of depression.

One important issue to get you out fine of this problem is to act as quick as possible. You can review clearly your options in my section Confront, forgive or divorce, but whatever you think is the best for you has to be done quickly. Because time will have only one victim, and the only one that will loose will be you.

Sometimes, understanding is the best way to get relief. Even if you don´t share the reasons why your partner is cheating on you, knowing them will give you a better way to get ahead of the problem and take the next steps in your life.

To find the truth about being cheated on the Internet, the fastest and cheaper way is to use one of the PC spy programs. They will reveal incredible amounts of information and we will explain you how.

As I said before there are three ways to continue: confront, forgive and save the relationship or finish the relationship through divorce (or separation). None is better! The right one is the one that is best for you and your inner self.

However, never continue the relationship without forgiving, never get into divorce without carefully thinking and never get into confrontation without winning.

Nobody can help you more than yourself as you are the only one who knows your particular circumstances, but you need resources to let you view all the angles of the problem and help you to take the best option. Don't wait! Act now before is too late!

Sincerely,

Infidelity, Are You Responsible
for Being Cheated?

The initial Steps for Recovering

There are a good number of couples which during the healing sessions of infidelity, the “cheated” one takes the role of victim. I do not encourage or approve infidelity, but problems in marriage, of any kind, are a shared responsibility.

Regardless if your marriage will be saved or not, your personal healing is very important either to continue your marriage or to have a new life without repeating the same mistakes.

To achieve successfully any of these two alternatives later, you need to take full responsibility of your role in the infidelity.

This could seem a bit odd, but a truthful assessment of your role in your marriage or relationship could give you great insights of your performance and the mistakes you did.

This approach require and incredible amount of courage and most of the time professional help will be needed because we won’t be able to view any flaw in our performance after suffering such infamous offense like infidelity and when receiving such help, we will need to be honest with the therapist about our role in our marriage.

Why healing from infidelity is important?

As I have said in some other articles, the solution you decide to give to the cheating problem will be fine as long as you are fine and happy, but you should never continue with anger in your life as you will be wasting the most valuable asset you have in life… time. I have seen so many people divorce from someone and then commit the same mistakes over and over again and keep divorcing from everyone. To continue with your life successfully, either to start over or continue with your marriage, you need to heal inside.

The thin line of responsibility

There is a great danger when trying to take full responsibility of your role in the marriage and this comes from the fact that you are dealing with a “cheater”, and take this all the way, if he cheated on you with marriage, he could try to cheat you in every way, he have learned to lie to you, so this could be easy to do again

Usually, the person who cheats try to look for excuses on his behavior and usually try to blame his couple for his infamous acts. Don’t fall into his game. Don’t take any blame of this kind; this would be even worse than not accepting your own faults.

Let him or her know that you won't take guilt for any of his excuses and that letting you appear as the reason for cheating won't excuse his actions.

At the end, to distinguish the thin line of responsibility when dealing with an affair and to really grow in your relationships, the best advice you can receive is: “be honest with yourself”. Follow this and you will have the answers.

What to do when you have
positive probes of Cheating

Main Options to Follow

There are three main options to solve this problem and you should think carefully about each one of them, which is the best and more suitable for you, your life and your family.

Do not take decisions with anger, stress or revenge feelings. Whatever you choose think clearly that it is not about your partner, it is about you!

1. Confront your husband or wife.

You will need probes for confronting your partner or he/she will deny such allegations, leading the relation to continuous fighting and usually to an uncontrolled situation with random outcome, which is something you should avoid.

By confronting, I mean talking to your partner about “what you already know” and what is the best solution for this problem.

Confront by talking not fighting. Fighting will make things easier for the cheaters only.

2. Forgive your Cheating Spouse

I know, you will say that you will never forgive him/her, but there is nothing wrong with forgiving as long as it is the best for you.

When I say forgiving, I don’t mean “forgetting”. I don’t mean to let him/her continue cheating on you and simulate that nothing is going wrong.

This would be the next step of confronting him/her and if you think that you can continue living and sharing with this person and if you trust that he/she will quit cheating on you and if it is the best for you and if he/she asks for a second chance, then you can decide if he/she deserves your forgiveness.

There is nothing wrong with forgiveness but as long as it is for good, not for worse.

3. Separation or Divorce.

If you think and feel that cheating on you is something that worth ending your relationship, then this is the way to go.

Before taking this last resource alternative, please take your time to think carefully about it and do not do it as result of anger.

Anger will not let you think clearly and sometimes that will lead you to decisions which are not the best for you.

If with clear mind and weighing pros and cons of divorce you decide that is the best for you, then take your time to prepare yourself for this step.

Start with legal advice and prepare everything to end your marriage as fine as possible to both parties. You won’t gain everything to make miserable his/her life as long as you get what you want.

Here again, probes are the best way to have negotiation advantage.

Read about lawyers and divorce from a customer perspective (not legal).

The 10 Step Plan to Create
Lasting Relationships

There are hundreds of ways to create bulletproof relationships but there are also hundred of ways to easily end relationships. However, the real secret to create lasting relationships is to know the first ones and avoid the later.

While this article will tell you about the ways to endurance your relationships, be careful not mining the process doing things that will damage your relationship.

The best way to fight Infidelity is creating strong relationships that will leave no place in your couple’s mind for cheating.

1. Communication.

Believe it or not, communication will solve most of the problems in any relationship, however, most of the time it comes very late into the equation when problems are in a terminal stage.

I know what are you thinking, I used to think the same: We all hear about communication this and communication that, but it seems that it cannot solve anything at all.

Yes, you are right, it happens! The big secret here is that most of the time we think that communication is talking, while the most important part of communication in a relationship is listening. People think that communication is telling what we don’t like, complain and verbal fighting, which is not! In a relationship, communication is an honest attempt to exchange feelings and information, thus it implies exposing our feelings but it also includes listening and taking care of our faults.

When a couple gets into trouble, it gets easily deeper into the problem by losing its communication. Avoid this if your relationship gets into trouble, regardless if the problem looks trivial at the beginning.

One of the biggest threats for relationships is that although sometimes one of the persons in the relationship understands that they should try to communicate to solve the problems, the other blocks the communication, making things more difficult.

When couples get help from therapists, priests or any other person, what they do, is to break these communication barriers between the couple. Think about it.

2. Be Kind.

Sometimes, we are the kindest person around, but we are not kind anymore at home. We easily start telling rude things to our couple as he or she won’t complain or we think that he or she will have to accept it.

Avoid insults, regrets and complains as you are with everyone else out there, at the end people at home deserve much more kindness from you that people at work or in the street, aren’t they?

Even more, if you are having a fight, do not lose your head and insult your couple, some soul wounds are very difficult to heal and they will come up later again in your relationship.

3. Smile

You do not have to be the happiest person on earth, but there is nothing more unpleasant than living with a person angry all the time.

Some of us, for diverse situations like work, money or even traffic, arrive home in a very bad mood. Have you ever stopped to think about why are you so angry? Sometimes it is because some really stupid things that do not worth showing that face to the people you love most.

Besides, nobody wants to talk with an angry person; therefore, this is an important communication blocker.

4. Remember Birthdays, Anniversaries.

If you are men, you cannot understand why this is a big issue. If you are woman, you cannot understand how he can forget such important dates.

However, if you are men, no excuses, remember that this is important for your couple and there are hundred of sites on the internet, cell phones, PDA’s, computers, where you can setup your important dates and get remembered with the anticipation desired to avoid uncomfortable situations.

5. Avoid routines.

We all have a routine life at work, school and everywhere else. Don’t make your relationship another routine in your life. This is a killer for the relationship!

Avoiding routine is not easy, the momentum of our life take us to embrace routine, however fight to avoid routine in your relationship, be creative and enjoy doing different things.

Don’t think that you have to take roses every week or something; even simple things can change routine and make life different and more enjoyable to anyone in your family. If you have kids, routine break is great for their development too, so try to enjoy small things in life.

To make my point clear, sometimes even a walk in the park can break the routine, so no money, time or brain is really necessary to break the routine.

6. Keep Dating.

Obviously, I mean with your couple! Keep going out once in a while for movies, dinner or even a cup of coffee. If you have kids, try to hire a babysitter every time you can afford and go out for a cup of coffee, pizza, watch a movie, have an ice cream, etc. There are thousands of things you can do like when you were dating your couple, so keep doing it, obviously with the frequency that you are allowed now.

Thousands of couples fall into this mistake and they stop doing things by themselves and having a moment alone for each other. These moments will foster communication, that is why they are so valuable for your relationship.

7. Watch your TV IQ.

Always is very easy to sit in your living room, watch TV and forget about anything else. Be careful about this! If you can notice, TV is one of those things that I mentioned that can destroy your marriage.

It breaks communication, distract each other attention, and you can easily fall into a TV watching routine.

When you notice that TV is more important than your couple or anyone in your family, reset priorities.
I am not saying that you should avoid TV, I am saying that all your spare time at home should not be used to watch TV.

If you are very keen to watch TV, try to find shows that you and your couple can enjoy together.

8. Support your Couple

This should not be mentioned, you suppose to support your couple, but there is a bunch of selfish people everywhere that are only looking to get support but they are not willing to provide support to their couples when they need it.

If you live with one of these persons, try to make things clear and make him understand that you will support him while you expect support from him back.

If you suspect that your couple is like this and you think that when he sees you in trouble he will change, don’t assume anything. You better talk about it now than having the greatest disappointment of your life later, during a difficult time for you.

It is very sad when you notice that you have a partner only for happy moments and this attitude is a relationship killer because you start questioning yourself if all the effort you do to share life with your couple worth it.

9. Make a joint plan.

These or any other recommendations will be useless if you and your couple are not both aware of them.

Talk with your partner about a joint plan to improve the relationship and if you are fine now, to strengthen the relationship at most for difficult times.

Notice that you will always face problems, the important thing is to go out of them without damaging the relationship.
10. Work

Relationships, like everything else in life require a great amount of work and commitment to be successful. Sometimes we are very organized, workaholic and even paranoid of perfection for our jobs, appearance, etc. but we are not the same for our relationships.

Finally There are three main options to solve this problem and you should think carefully about each one of them, which is the best and more suitable for you, your life and your family.

Amir

Life

"Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
Everyone says, "How the time flies." The days go by and they are years, and the years finally become our whole life.

Each daily portion can be wasted, or it can be a pleasure, before it is gone forever

. If a bedtime review of the day concludes that we were too stressed, too busy, didn't accomplish anything, didn't have any fun, then it has been another lost piece of precious life.

Perhaps we are putting off our enjoyment until we have more time, or money, or some other improved condition. The trouble with that is that it might never happen, or it may be too long in coming. It's so important to accept this time, this very minute, as something of tremendous value that will very soon be gone forever. There are many ways to ensure that we make the best of our time here on earth.

In our daily routine let's include time to enjoy others and thus ourselves. Look and wonder at the trees, fields and mountains, smell the flowers, hear the birds, and watch the clouds in the sky.

"This world, after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it."
Face your problems bravely, confidently, and improve on your situation, no matter what state it is in. Be good to feel good. Be active and improve your mind. Laugh, relax, and sleep well.

Life is mostly froth and bubble;
two things stand like stone:
Kindness in another's trouble,
Courage in our own.)

Worry

The harm that worry causes in our lives has been well documented by health professionals and others. Worry can weaken and sicken us, and make our days unbearable. At the very least, it prevents us from living fully and happily the only life that we will ever have. At its worse, it can destroy us.

"A god, invisible but omnipotent. It steals the bloom from the cheek and lightness from the pulse; it takes away the appetite and turns the hair gray."

It does a lot more than that, Benjamin!

But the worry disease can be cured and it certainly can be reduced. Of course it requires a change in our thinking - how to view and react to situations. Worrying over things that 'might' happen can waste large portions of our lives, considering that so often it is for nothing, and almost certainly does no good.

"If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?" - Shantideva

Worrying about things that have happened will not turn back the hands of time to give you another try at doing it right. So that is a waste of time too. So many of our anxieties and fears are for nothing. Most of the rest can simply be discarded because worrying just isn't going to do any good. So let's spend our time thinking about the good and pleasant things in our lives, and move on in a peaceful and contented state of mind.

"I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever."

A program to become knowledgeable on the subject of worry, through reading and other instruction, can help in turning our lives around. A life filled with contentment and lacking stress and worry are the goals to be achieved.

It's never too late to start eliminating worry.

Anger

Most of us experience anger at one time or another. Others may get angry with us, justifiably or not. We may become angry at others, sometimes with very good reason, sometimes not. One thing is for sure, it is not a pleasant experience.

We cannot always reason with those that are bitter towards us and sometimes we may need to accept that it exists. To counteract this with retaliation is something that needs careful consideration.

"Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved." - Marcus Antonius

Perhaps we are guilty of hostility more than we would like to be. Greater interaction with people should reduce these feelings. Less anger should result in more confidence and less stress.

Is a discussion possible and is it worthwhile? A few words and an exchange of viewpoints might result in one or both sides having a change in attitude. Try to see another point of view no matter how unreasonable it appears.

Consider how you are feeling. It is common, perhaps good advice, to let anger be expressed, to not hold it inside. My personal experience is that sometimes I have regretted this because I was wrong or over reacted. Sometimes the anger still lingered. Avoiding anger in the first place, through conciliation or acceptance, can result in feeling better all around.

Hatred is a prolonged anger towards a fellow human. There are various forms of hatred, motivated in different ways, and mostly without cause. Prejudice, jealousy, gossip, bullying are hard to deal with. This is where friends can be a great help in trying to understand these harmful actions. They can offer comfort and foresight. Be a friend.

"Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame."

Thoughts

Life is thought, and when we cease to think, we are not living. How we think, is the kind of life we live. Since we are able to control our thoughts, we can determine the course of our life and the way we feel during our time here.

"We are what we think."

It is very important to establish good thinking guidelines and follow them. Placing thoughts of peace and happiness in our minds will help to make our lives peaceful and happy. If we do not set our thoughts properly, we travel through life by way of places where we will wish we had not gone.

"It is the mind that maketh good or ill, that maketh wretch or happy, rich or poor."

Our daily life includes thoughts associated with responsibilities concerning work, other people, and handling problems. If possible, try not to think of too many different things during your day, and don't move or think too quickly. Start your morning with a plan to come through to bedtime relaxed, contented, and ready for a restful night's sleep.

"Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission."

Reflect about things that can improve your feelings - learning, completing tasks and duties, pleasant and relaxing experiences, kind words. Think about your happiness, goals, life and its pleasures, your principles and your conduct. Think about enjoying the moment.

"Garner up pleasant thoughts in your mind, for pleasant thoughts make pleasant lives."

What are you thinking about?

Friendship

Interacting amiably with family and friends is a super stress reducer. Instead of the mind working overtime on worries and problems, it is occupied with thoughts of other things and other people. There is less mental capacity left for anxieties and self-doubt.

"Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief."

Good friendship is healthy but it isn't easy for everyone. Getting people to like you is the starting point, and that should be fairly easy to do. People have a basic need to be liked themselves. Show interest, appreciation, and kindness. Smile. Praise given out sincerely is a great act of friendship. Be a good listener and try to see the good, not the bad qualities in people. These actions will usually be returned to you, sooner or later.

"The only way to have a friend is to be one. . . A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."

As a friend, try to let an unfavorable incident or remark fly right over the top of your head. We all blurt out something stupid or do something regrettable at times, and it's so nice when the other acts as if it never happened. This is a dear friend.

"The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them, each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other, always using friendly and sincere words."

Despair

The feeling of despair and hopelessness may seem very appropriate and particular to your situation, but you should know that others have been there and have suffered similar or worse experiences. They have survived to enjoy life and so will you.

"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival." - Winston Churchill

All things pass, have they not always before? To counteract the feeling of hopelessness, list those assets and pleasures which you have but seem to be ignoring. Perhaps some of these words will turn your thoughts: family, friends, health, job, home, nature, pets, garden, music, faith, books. Start thinking about the nice things in your life, things you value and make you happy. Leave the negatives behind.

"Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies."

The feeling of guilt often results in despair and depression. We should think about the wrong we have done, but just long enough to realize the full extent of what we did. If there is something that can be done about it, consider doing it. The only other thing that we can do is to assure ourselves that we will avoid that mistake in the future. Beyond this, stewing over it and rehashing the event endlessly, will do no good. It is a complete waste of time and makes us feel sick with worry.

Avoid experiences that result in guilt by not judging, blaming, or bringing down other people. Try to find their good points, and try to avoid anger. Be nice to yourself too, accept that you make mistakes, and don't hold a grudge.

One of the best ways to recover from despair, guilt, or sorrow, is to keep busy.

"When all else is lost the future still remains."

Fear

So much to fear - if we allow it.

There are common fears that can invade our lives, lessen our wellbeing, and rob us of happiness. A general fear of failing in life can be the result of fear in one or more areas such as with personal health or workplace conditions. A common fear is social anxiety.

There are many niche fears that are more confined such as fear of heights, closed spaces, mice, strangers, public speaking and more.

Fear tears at our insides and causes us to feel inadequate and panicky. It can be uncomfortable to horrifying and uncontrolled can lead to a lower quality of life. In our endeavor to be happier we should consider learning more about fear, its causes and possible ways of dealing with it. Fire up your search engine or head for the library and learn more about fear.

One suggestion offered through the ages is that it is not an event that causes fear, but it is the fear of that event. If it is in our thoughts then it is something that we might control by altering our ideas, attitudes, or actions.

"For it is not death or hardship that is a fearful thing, but the fear of death or hardship.")
Try to free yourself from guilt or shame. If you have erred badly correct it or forget it. Talk it over with a friend. Look for good in yourself and in others. Avoid large doses of hyped bad news reporting and look for some good stories.

Criticism by peers at work or school is a real cause of fear yet it may indicate the attackers' emotional problems. They may need to put others down in order to feel adequate. Bullying is harmful and unacceptable, and it should be discussed with friends, family, and others that can provide help or suggestions.

There is only one you, unique and deserving of a good life, so feel good about yourself just the way you are.

Future

Our vision for the future might hold one of these two possibilities. We could be dreaming about some enjoyment that hopefully lies ahead, or worried about some looming hardship.

Often the enjoyment in our lives is put on hold, we just need more time and money. We just have to work a little harder. Too many things can go wrong with this and we may not be able to do it later for various reasons. If we put off our enjoyment of life until later, it may take longer than we think, or it may never happen the way that we envisioned it.

We should not throw away our precious today in anticipation of good times, not when we can have days of enjoyment and satisfaction now. Perhaps it's time for an examination of our style of life and our wants and needs, now and for the future. It is good to imagine a happy future and make plans for it but we should not put off the happiness we can have today. So why not live each day as if the future plans may not materialize.

"We are never living, but only hoping to live; and, looking forward always to being happy, it is inevitable that we never are so."
Worrying over something that is going to happen will make our lives stressful and less happy.

After examining an upcoming difficult or seemingly disastrous situation, if there is something that can be done to improve on it, do it. If not, and the event cannot or should not be avoided, then accept the fact and start thinking about something else. Worrying about it will not only be a total waste of time but it will increase anxiety, and things will seem even worse than they really are.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, not to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly."

Stress

Stress is predominant in our society. Most of us are running here, running there, doing something at high speed, seldom relaxing. And they thought they were living busy lives a hundred years ago!

"This strange disease of modern life with its brisk hurry and divided aims."

To improve upon this stressful way of life we can reassess our values and routines. If possible, we can eliminate some of those things which are not necessary to a contented life, and we can slow down. Achieving a stress free way of life will help keep us healthier and living longer and make our time here a lot more fun.

You can often visualize your way out of tension by picturing yourself in a very calm, peaceful, serene setting, in complete easy control. Picture it clearly and hold on to it. You can use your imagination in many different ways to help siphon off tensions - when at the bathroom sink or in the shower, let all your worries, stresses, anxieties, run down the drain with the dirty soapy water.

When you start to feel stress coming on, immediately try relaxing the muscles and fill your mind with thoughts of peace, tranquility, confidence, strength, happiness. Repeat these and other calming words to yourself now and again. Take notice of, and enjoy your surroundings all through the day. Look at, listen to, smell the limitless variety of things natural everywhere.

Make a determined effort to please someone. Offer help, agree, smile. This is much easier than trying to impress others, or trying to be perfect. Thinking of, and interacting with others, can be very soothing on the nerves, particularly if you expect no credits.

"The American over-tension and jerkiness and breathlessness and intensity and agony of expression are primarily social, and only secondarily physiological, phenomena. They are bad habits, nothing more or less, bred of custom or example, born of imitation of bad models and the cultivation of false personal ideals."

Love

There are various kinds of love with even more definitions of each. One popular version might be described as the desire for two people to spend their lives together, with a continuing compassion for each other through good and bad times.

puts it quite nicely this way: "Two persons who have chosen each other out of all the species with a design to be each other's mutual comfort and entertainment have, in that action, bound themselves to be good-humored, affable, discreet, forgiving, patient, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailties and perfections, to the end of their lives."

Of course it isn't always easy because conflicts about ideas, choices and habits arise. Some of these conflicting situations are easy to overlook while others can be very annoying, upsetting, and continual. Some personal mannerisms of one may never suit those of the other, and compromise cannot always be reached. Parting ways might seem inevitable, but often relaxing and rethinking the whole picture can result in a positive turn.

For example, many difficulties in a friendship, including marriage, can be put to the back by the simple act of resignation. By accepting certain personal conditions as permanent, they will somehow become more acceptable. Eventually the conflicting ideas may not be much of an issue, thanks to resignation. This leaves more room for mutual contentment and fondness.

Has the other's point of view been considered earnestly? How about a commitment to doing things that are basically unfavorable if it will improve the relationship? What are the other's favorable traits and conditions that are being overlooked? Nobody has to be perfect!

"If you wished to be loved, love."

Health

Professional medical advice should always be a first consideration with a physical or mental problem. There may be a solution to an ailment that could only be determined by a qualified professional.

There are also a wide variety of books written, many by doctors and specialists, that present ideas for self-improving our health. This vast amount of knowledge is worth checking out. A common thread in many self-help books seems to be the enormous effect that our thoughts and attitude have on our physical and mental well being.

"We ought to be more concerned about removing wrong thoughts from the mind than about removing tumors and abscesses from the body."

Some health problems are more receptive to an improved mental attitude than others. A dependency on street drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, robs most users of their best health. It can be extremely difficult to get rid of the habit disease, but fortunately there is a lot of help. Read books on addiction and other self-help topics, go to support groups such as AA, and talk about it with someone.

You know you're getting old when people keep telling you you're looking good. Aging has its special problems, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take pleasure in it. It can be a time when you are able to say "I don't care" about certain problems. So many of life's anxieties and troubles lessen or fade away in later years.

Every season hath its pleasures;
Spring may boast her flowery prime,
Yet the vineyard's ruby treasures
Brighten Autumn's soberer time.

So don't just sit around watching TV. Get up and about, but relax and don't rush. Be positive and friendly. Read and learn to improve your wellbeing. Develop and follow healthy eating habits. Sleep well!

Past

We all make mistakes. Sometimes they are very bad and cause ourselves and others much worry and suffering. We can be depressed and burdened with regret for many years, never forgiving ourselves, never forgetting our actions. Carrying on in this way is another big mistake, disturbing our lives in very unpleasant and painful ways.

It is not necessary. Worrying about something that has already happened is a complete waste of time if you just keep wishing that it hadn't happened. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.

"We ought not to look back unless it is to derive useful lessons from past errors, and for the purpose of profiting by dear-brought experience."

Perhaps there is some way to make amends and that should still be a consideration. If not then regard it as a learning experience. Review what has happened enough to draw conclusions about what to do, and what not do, in the future. But then forget the stupid or bad thing you did and start thinking about something else.

Negative thoughts about the past will keep coming back again and again unless there are other thoughts occupying your mind. Begin feeding your brain with encouraging and fun ideas especially when that 'thing' from the past returns. Be generous, kind and forgiving to others and yourself.

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

You no longer have yesterday; you only have today and tomorrows.

Problems

We are all faced with problems throughout our lives, some are small, others huge. Depending on how we deal with them, they can be overwhelming and devastate our lives, or they can quickly fade into the past.

Attitude plays a big role. With a difficult personal or work undertaking, consider all viewpoints, even those you think you don't like. It just might provide relief from your fearful analysis of the situation. Don't oversize the problem which is often a panic reaction. Discuss the actions that you could take with a friend or co-worker which can sometimes provide a good suggestion and some instant stress relief.

Lay out a procedure and slowly complete the first task. The next steps should be easier. Often we will keep on worrying after the decisions are made, which of course is of no help at all. If everything that can be done has been done then it's time to follow through.

"Our plans miscarry if they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind."
Rejection can be an unpleasant experience, but it just lets us know that we aren't perfect. Who is? Consider it a lesson learned, then forget it and move on with your life in a positive constructive manner.

To help solve a difficult problem or to cut down on worrying about making a decision, analyze the situation, determine what must be done and carry it out. In writing or on your PC:

Get all the facts.
Describe the problem in detail.
List all the possible solutions.
List the advantages and disadvantages of each.
Detail what you will do.
Follow through.

You have detailed the planning and know that you will proceed in a certain way, but will review it as required. Later. Now it's time to think other thoughts.

"What we have to learn to do, we learn by doing."