I still remember that day . Not bc it's in my mind but when I look back to all those pages that I wrote abt u in my other blog , I kn for sure .

But do u really forget it? Can't believe that u forgot ...

Uhm, hope u ok over there , take care urself , gud luck with the game n everything ...

Still love u ( my heart was blinded by u )

7/4/2009

I got 1 heart n 1 mind .

My mind told me that I should move on ... he keep breaking my heart in every little thing , he wont care as long as he's not happy . He wont care how I cry, how I feel , how I wanted him to be . He keep promising n broke it . Keep saying he love me n made me believe it once.I kn the way he act it opposite with the real him. But he's not changes , even he said that he will change everything for me n just bc he loves me that much , cuz I'm his everything . He does say alot but doesn't do a thing . I just can't feel the love that he used to give me anymore . He used to call me every time I get mad n say sorry to me , he said that he'll learn frm his mistake n be a better man 4me. But up to now , all of that it's just goes back to me . When I'm sad or mad he doesn't even care anymore , never say a word "sorry". But againts me n driving me crazy . I used to stay up all nite just bc worry for him too much , I wonder where he is , what he doing , is he ok? It keeps me awake , my eyes just can't seem to close , it's open wide with tears n sorrow in my bed . But he never get to kn how I feel at the moment . He would say whatever he feels like but never think of my feeling . After that he acts like nothing happen , like he never do anything wrong. Is that love too? I don't think so.

My heart told me to calm n to take time . It tells me to do the best that I can . Cuz I kn I love him so much, nothing can ever change my feeling for him. He's the 1st mtd boy that I've ever kn , love n trust. He kns that I don't have a feeling for any1 else except him . Guys not attractive to me , I don't even look at them. I don't even care how they are. My love for him was too much , it was everthing that I could give , all the best of me . It more than I can express more than any beautiful thing that I've ever kn. I cried all day n all nite. The more I get mad or sad the more I kn that I love him . More , more n more. Cuz If I don't care I would never mad or sad at him. My heart hurt , my head heavy . When I'm not in a good mood , I don't feel like eating or sleeping or anything . I kn that If I lost him , I lost everything . My energy no longer with me since I give it all to him . I give it all so easily . But more than anything rite now , I feel really empty n bitterness. Bc sooner or later I'll have to face it. The true.

So I'm blind , maybe both heart n mind . It just bring me down n make me wanna run to him. But I kn I won't . His heart is not like it used to be anymore . The heart that I used to love n kn now changed . Totally different .

What do I do now n what can I do now? I'm in the middle of no where . I'm lost without direction. The only last thing I could do is to pray , to get to kn God more n experience his love for me . The love that will never end , ever lasting love . God, plz be with me every moment of my life , in every single though n feeling of mine . So by that I can feel ur peace .

Lord , I give u my broken heart.

4:04PM

7/3/2009

Oh,when I see it through .. everything I the past .

It pass by real fast , just like a flash by before ur eyes , can't never imaging or think of anything like that ... It's almost a yr ... I'm in love ... I kn that I'm so in love with him God ...

I was worry too much the other day God , but I didn't even think abt Ur words in the Bible u said u can carry on everything that we can't . So why shouldn't we ask u to carry all of our worry? I ask u to take it away from us . Plz give us peace n remain us that we got u , we can always tell u everything n not to worry abt that anymore. Cuz u gonna bring us to peaceful land , the green grass ... to the river where everything so calm n peace .

I feel safe now God , I kn that something happen to me to day when we start to pray . I don't feel worry no more . I feel that I really love him , I really wanted to be with him n I trust that I can control him . For u give me the power of ur love cuz without my love 4him I can't do that n without ur love 4 us we can't do that.

Plz forgive me everything in the past Lord , whenever I feel bad I always turn back 2u n cry but not when I'm happy I run away with my happy in a moment . I want u to make it last forever by praying n trusting u every single day of my life . If u want it that way , I'll be that way I kn it God . So plz give me the direction, show me the purpose of my life so that I can serve u n be in ur way Lord .

I thank you alot for giving me this life , for letting me meet this guy , I love him so much , I want u to guide me n him 'till the end of our way . I kn it could be wrong later If I only ask it from my side but God plz let me kn If I'm going a wrong way . And show me ur glory that I adore n worship in my life .

I love u Lord n I love him so , I need him too much , love him day n each day for the rest of my life . I hope this feeling will last forver ; never change .

10:31PM

7/1/2009

U kn it God , u kn that I love him too much , I need him too much for the rest of my life.

He does too , but he never thought that I do too , the only thing that we always feel sad its abt us . We can't control ourselves sometimes , I don't want it to be too late before anything could happen. I love him , I respect him , I don't feel good every time we're going a little bit too far . But humanlity can't help it God , plz be with me n him . So we'll be able to kn what we r doing . N stop us from doing stupid stuff!

We want to married in the church infront of the honor .. of U Lord , plz keep us safely ...

So we can coutinue in our way together , love n respect each other forever .

4:45PM

6/29/2009

I want u badly my love !! I can't help myself.