Conan O'Brien Hates My Homeland
The Complete Archive

Last updated August 11, 2007
Awhile ago, Conan did a bit where he showed fake Euro coins. One of those coins made fun of the Ukraine, which provoked a lot of angry letters. Here's the interesting part: those letters were from the Ukraine. Conan had no idea that Late Night was aired in the Ukraine, and began to wonder where else he was on. You would think he could just ask NBC, but they won't tell him, because then they'd have to pay him more.

There is just one way to find out, and that is to viciously insult every nation in the world, and see which ones he gets letters from.
The Euro coin that started it all

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P R S T U V W Y Z

Afghanistan
The bad news is, there's a new article about everyone farming opium.
The good news is, you can't read.

Albania
The perfect getaway for people who love Kosovo, but hate the working phone service.

Algeria
It took you eight years to beat France.

Andorra
How does it feel, being Luxembourg's bitch?

Angola
Hey, call me when your life expectancy catches up with your inflation rate.

Azerbaijan
Believe it or not, you can use oil for more than just killing seals.

The Bahamas
It takes a lot of rum to forget your major export is crawfish.

Bahrain
A thriving centre of trade and culture... until 2000 BC!

Bangladesh
If you can hear this, your television isn't underwater. Congratulations!

Barbados
There simply isn't a more beautiful island... to sail by on your way to Jamaica.

Belarus
Clay, sand, and chalk: Your richest natural resources are what a toddler throws up after a big day at preschool.

Belgium
The only European country to never successfully invade Belgium.

Belize
Get your camera; they're paving a road!

Benin
Keep practicing those voodoo spells and maybe someday you'll be as rich as Rwanda.

Bhutan
So they took away your freedom of the press? Who needs it when your only headline is "Bhutan Continues to Suck?"

Bolivia
Remember kids, you must be at least nine years old to overthrow the goverment.

Bosnia & Herzegovina
Nothing spells a bright future like signing your peace accord in Dayton, Ohio.

Botswana
Diamonds are forever; too bad your people check out at 35.

Brazil
Home to more than 800 species of unregulated breast implants.

Brunei
If there was ever an argument for the death penalty, it's chicken smuggling.

Bulgaria
So what if you misplaced a little weapons-grade uranium? The important thing is keeping track of all those hand-made doileys and goat hair rugs.

Burkina Faso
In the traditional tribal language, that's Burkina for "land of" and Faso for "people who want to get the hell out of Burkina Faso."

Burma
The bad news is, you've got rampant malaria.
The good news is, it doesn't stop the kids from making those shirts.

Burundi
All that coffee in a country with no reason to wake up.

Cambodia
How many temples does it take before you guys realize God isn't listening?

Cameroon
Not to be mistaken with the macaroon, a small, chewy cookie... with a longer life expectancy!

Canada
With massive overpopulation threatening the globe, Canadians maintain a population of less than 35 million. How do they do it? Zero sex appeal!

Cape Verde
Millions visit your island nation... to refuel their planes!

Central African Republic
So bad, the gorillas learn sign language for "Poach me."

Chad
Good news: Ustad Ali Khan is headlining the Locust Plague Festival.

Chile
The good news is, it's finally legal to get a divorce.
The bad news is, who gets the active volcano and who gets the 55,000 square miles of lifeless desert?

China
If you're gonna be in prison, it might as well be for no reason.

Colombia
You'll come for the enticing beauty of the Caribbean Sea. You'll stay because you've been kidnapped and locked in the trunk of a Dodge Dart.

Comoros
On a list of the world's purchasing power, you're ranked 222. Did I mention there are only 190 countries?

Democratic Republic of Congo
Where even a poor boy with no prospects can grow up to be run over by a presidential motorcade.

Republic of Congo
Without you, who would the elephants trample?

Costa Rica
Thanks for giving us a place to dump our potheads.

Cote D'Ivoire
Cocoa, sugar, and mass killings. Are you a country or a Willy Wonka nightmare?

Croatia
Congratulations on your candidacy for the European Union. Imagine, if that comes through, it could employ two, maybe three people.

Cuba
Where "high-tech" means you've got a radio on your homemade raft.

Cyprus
Where the Mediterranean climate makes it a joy to spend each day mining asbestos.

Czech Republic
The country that explains why Kafka never wrote a happy story.

Denmark
Too bad you can't build a warm, sunny day out of Legos.

Djibouti
Imagine how great life would be if you had the rich natural resources of Ethiopia.

Dominica
Where the national catchphrase is "I'm sorry, officer, I didn't mean to interrupt your armed robbery."

Dominican Republic
The perfect place for anyone who's ever asked themself "Where'd my car go?"

East Timor
It takes a lot to admit you live on the bad side of Timor.

Ecuador
Street crime is on the rise, so keep your ransom note in an inside pocket.

Egypt
Where priceless ancient statues and mummies are so close, you can fly to London and see them at the British Museum.

El Salvador
Where no resumé is complete without the phrase "Supervised six-person death squad."

Equatorial Guinea
Congratulations, you just discovered vast oil reserves... I mean, we just discovered vast oil reserves. *evil laugh*

Eritrea
You only have one TV station, but cheer up - it's got locust reports on the eights!

Estonia
Home of the European flying squirrel, the only Estonian mammal that's not an alcoholic.

Ethiopia
I can't do this one, let's move on.

Fiji
If you're visiting Fiji, you have to go snorkeling, 'cause it's the best way to flee cannibals.

Finland
We're so dumb, we can't wait to be insulted to send a meaningless postcard with a tire on the front.

You've had over 5,000 years of culture, and the world's most famous Finn is still Huckleberry.

France
You gave us the term "deja vu," as in "Wow, I have this weird feeling you've been obnoxious and arrogant before. Deja vu!"

(Wait a miniute, this is France, so I think I can't do just one.)

France
Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Gauguin, Manet: You're number one when it comes to great minds that died of syphillis.

Gabon
You have to question a country that grants five terms to a man called "President Bongo."

The Gambia
The only nation brave enough to say "Let those offshore oil reserves wait. We've got a good thing going with these peanuts and palm kernels."

Georgia
Where Europe meets Asia and says "Hey, why don't we both dump our crap here?"

Germany
The great 20th-century power that said, "Ditch Einstein, get Hasselhoff."

Ghana
The 'h' is silent, like a room full of people after you ask "What's worthwhile about Ghana?"

Greece
Big news: Historians now think the first marathon took place in August 490 BC, not September. That means nothing good has come out of Greece for a month longer than previously believed.

Grenada
When you're at the end of a grueling fifteen-hour day peeling the husks off nutmeg, remember this: without you, the world would have to sprinkle its eggnog with cinnamon.

Guatemala
Where the Mayans invented the zero, as in "What are the chances this shirt was made by someone over the age of eight? Zero!"

Guinea
Even guinea pigs have the good sense to claim they're actually from Peru.

Guinea-Bissau
The only book that mentions it is The Audubon Guide to Locusts.

Guyana
The Eskimos have sixty words for "snow." The Guyanans have eighty words for "dysentery."

Haiti
You just celebrated two hundred years of independence. Congratulations. Now make a wish and blow out your burning pile of tires.

Hungary
Sure, your next-door neighbour Austria was home to Mozart, Beethoven, Strauss, Schubert, and Freud, but don't forget, you make pretty good stuffed cabbage.

Iceland
I'm amazed you don't have a military. How do you protect your 85,000 square miles of uninhabitable land?

India
A nation so richly diverse, you can walk into a single neighborhood and find cholera, dengue fever, malaria, typhoid, and plague.

Indonesia
This year marks the fiftieth anniversary of your first democratic election, in which apparently, everyone voted to never have another democratic election.

Iran
Just two more years 'til you have a nuclear warhead, and two years and a day 'til you use it on a woman holding a beer.

Ireland
You know, there's a wonderful old Irish legend that goes something like this: Once upon a time, many years ago, there was an Irishman who could hold down a job.

Israel
Hey, remember when life in Israel was vibrant and carefree? Man, that was the day.

Italy
The newspapers are reporting a miracle. Apparently, a statue of Mary moved her hand and said, "I just worked harder than 80% of your workforce."

Jamaica
Of course you've got an astronomical murder rate. You've had "No Woman No Cry" on repeat for 25 years.

Japan
Last century, you brutally defeated China and Russia. This century, you make Hello Kitty toasters.

Jordan
Thanks to your country's progress in human rights, now your citizens can choose which hand you cut off.

Kenya
It's a beautiful place to grow old, assuming you're one of the 2.3% of Kenyans who live to 65.

South Korea
Your biggest natural resource is coal, which gives dog a nice, smokey flavour.

Kuwait
We saved your ass from Saddam. Now make with the oil, bitch.

Kyrgystan
If your country could afford vowels, you could spell "this place sucks."

Laos
You'll come for the early Asian ruins. You'll stay 'cause you've been stricken with avian bird flu.

Latvia
Your leading industries are textiles, heavy machinery production, and trading your daughters for second-hand American blue jeans.

Liberia
Are you bummed out 'cause your country has only 120 miles of paved road? Well, cheer up! Your 41-year life expectancy should give you plenty of time to see all of it.

Luxembourg
Come visit our country, but make sure you also have an afternoon activity.

Malawi
Just like Florida, except without the electricity, phones, drinkable water, or protection from roaming death squads.

Malaysia
Where the police cane you first, then ask for a bribe.

Maldives
You'll come for the tropical climate. You'll stay 'cause you've been eaten by tiger sharks.

Mali
What's that noise? People arguing in tribal languages over the last pile of ground nuts!

Malta
Brimming with culture, history, and mustachioed Sicilian hookers.

Marshall Islands
To write a joke about your country, we Googled it. No results were found.

Mexico
Look, there's an honest policeman! No, wait, they got him.

Monaco
Where Eurotrash goes to gamble away their facelift money.

Mongolia
Where Chinese freedom meets Siberian comfort.

Mozambique
The good news is, you only have the fourteenth highest death rate in the world.
The bad news is, you border numbers one, three, four, and seven.

Myanmar
Remember when your government was almost toppled by a pair of cigarette-smoking twelve-year-old twins who you thought were immortal? Man, you sure have come a long way since 2001.

Nepal
Home to eight of the world's highest peaks; nine if you count your unemployment rate.

The Netherlands
Congratulations, you've turned 500 years of culture into a pot joke.

New Caledonia
Still a world leader in beach erosion.

Nicaragua
Come learn about the heritage of your nanny.

Nigeria
Where children come first... in the draft.

Norway
Sweden has Ikea, Finland has Nokia... Hey Norway, what do you have? Nothing-kia!

Oman
As in "Oh man, I can't believe you cut my hand off for stealing an orange!"

Pakistan
Guess what? You're not worth jack-istan!

Palau
How do you enter Palau? Arrive in a national airport.
How do you leave Palau? Through a shark's colon.

Panama
Congratulations, you have the second-busiest canal after Paris Hilton.

Philippines
Mi casa es su landfill.

Poland
We'd write an insult about Poland, but they'd just send themselves the hate mail.

Romania
Come see our museum of the Middle Ages. We call it "Romania."

Russia
The perfect marriage of rampant corruption and tacky track suits.

St. Kitts & Nevis
You know, after you get through the shrinking population and the low birth rate, there's almost no one left to die during hurricane season.

Samoa
Kind of like Fiji, but without all the reasons to go there.

Saudi Arabia
You'll come for the history, you'll stay because they arrested your wife for accidentally showing her ankles.

Serbia
You tried ethnic cleansing; how about cleaning your armpits?

Sierra Leone
You fought for the British in World War I, now you're fighting for your first working toilet.

Slovakia
In 1993, Czechoslovakia was split into two seperate parts: Slovakia, and the good part.

Somalia
Plagued by decades of civil war. Come on, guys, there's plenty of rubble for everyone!

Spain
Five hundred years ago, you were a global superpower, and now you're not. Hmm, that's strange. Oh well, time for another four-hour nap!

Sweden
Your contributions to the world: crappy furniture and Stockholm Syndrome.

Syria
We haven't bombed you yet. Still, I'd hold off on any major contruction projects.

Taiwan
Oh wait, you're not a real country. You're China's bitch!

Tajikistan
Congratulations, you're where Uzbekistanis go to feel better about themselves.

Thailand
Where you can have sex with a 14-year-old prostitute, if they're willing to come out of retirement.

Togo
You've got it all... and by "it all," I mean risk of both bacterial and protozoal diarrhea.

Trinidad & Tobago
The Siegfried & Roy of the Lesser Antilles.

Tunisia
Remember that scene in Star Wars when they're on that desert planet and they go into that bar with all those weird creatures? Guess what, that was filmed in Tunisia, and those weren't actors!

Turkey
Formerly the Ottoman Empire, whose greatest achievement was inventing a piece of furniture to rest your feet on.

Turkmenistan
Why don't more people give their children Turkmen names? I don't know, let's ask President Gurbanguly Berdymuhammedov.

Turks & Caicos
Where the national library is housed under the reception desk of a Sandals Resort.

Uganda
Situated right between Rwanda and the Sudan. Jealous?

United Arab Emirates
You're remarkably tolerant on women's rights: you let them drive a car to their stoning.

United Kingdom
The sun never sets on the United Kingdom, and it never rose on British dentistry.

Uzbekistan
You've got a novel way to fight corruption: you don't have anything worth stealing!

Vanuatu
You have more than a hundred local languages; in other words, over a hundred ways to say "Hey, remember when Survivor was here?"

Vietnam
Come and reunite your sneakers with the eight-year-olds who made them.

Virgin Islands
Well you wouldn't be, if you weren't so damn ugly.

Wallis & Fortuna
The reason for your people's long lifespan? Not even Death knows where the hell you are!

Yemen
If you think Yemen is too tough on shoplifters, raise your right stump.

Zambia
Don't let anyone tell you that you're dirt-poor. You've got plenty of dirt!

Zimbabwe
You'll come for the country's pristine natural beauty. You'll stay because rogue soldiers have chained you to a burned-out jeep. Mail YOUR angry letter to...

On his August 9th show, Conan announced that Hates My Homeland has now been completed. However, there are quite a few countries that he missed. I am quite certain that I didn't miss any segments (with the possible exception of an early one that would have included countries like Australia, Austria, and Argentina). I'm just a fan, with absolutely no connection to Late Night with Conan O'Brien, so please don't send me e-mail saying "Hey, you forgot to insult ________!" If you actually saw Conan insult a country that I missed, please let me know. I'm also curious about what the Ethiopia entry was supposed to be.

visitors since October 22, 2004

Special thanks to Dan Zinman for the picture of the original Euro coin.
My Other Sites:
The Invisible Hand
The P-Files My Conan-related YTMNDs
Conan is... insignificant next to the power of the Force!
Conan and Max had ONE weakness!
Conan is... a generic political attack ad!

5360

This is quite an article:

50 Dumbest Things Bush Ever Said



50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." —at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

47. "We both use Colgate toothpaste." —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001

46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

45. "I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003

44. "I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

43. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." —Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

42. "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

41. "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." —discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, as quoted by Robertson

39. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

38. "Haven't we already given money to rich people? Why are we going to do it again?" —to economic advisers discussing a second round of tax cuts, as quoted by former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neil, Washington, D.C., Nov. 26, 2002

37. "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

36. "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004

35. "Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

34. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." —as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

33. "I got to know Ken Lay when he was head of the — what they call the Governor's Business Council in Texas. He was a supporter of Ann Richards in my run in 1994. And she had named him the head of the Governor's Business Council. And I decided to leave him in place, just for the sake of continuity. And that's when I first got to know Ken and worked with Ken." —attempting to distance himself from his biggest political patron, Enron Chairman Ken Lay, whom he nicknamed "Kenny Boy," Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2002

32. "It is white." —after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001

31. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." —at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

30. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

29. "I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army." —during a Dec. 2002 Oval Office meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos, as reported by the New York Times

28. "You forgot Poland." —to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

27. "I'm the master of low expectations." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

26. "I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

25. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right." —Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001

24. "We need to counter the shockwave of the evildoer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates." —Washington, D.C. Oct. 4, 2001

23. "People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

22. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet….I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." —President George W. Bush, after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004

21. "The really rich people figure out how to dodge taxes anyway." —explaining why high taxes on the rich are a failed strategy, Annandale, Va., Aug. 9, 2004

20. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." —radio address, Feb. 24, 2001

19. "You know, when I was one time campaigning in Chicago, a reporter said, 'Would you ever have a deficit?' I said, 'I can't imagine it, but there would be one if we had a war, or a national emergency, or a recession.' Never did I dream we'd get the trifecta." —Houston, Texas, June 14, 2002 (There is no evidence Bush ever made any such statement, despite recounting the trifecta line repeatedly in 2002. A search by the Washington Post revealed that the three caveats were brought up before the 2000 campaign — by Al Gore.)

18. "See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." —Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

17. "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." —State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false

16. "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard." —repeating the phrases "hard work," "working hard," "hard choices," and other "hard"-based verbiage 22 times in his first debate with Sen. John Kerry

15. "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

14. "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

13. "But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." —summing up his first year in office, three months after the 9/11 attacks, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001

12. "I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." —interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002

11. "Can we win? I don't think you can win it." —after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004

10. "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." —Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

9. "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." —to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004

8. "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." —speaking underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003

7. “We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories … And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them." —Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003

6. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" —President George W. Bush, as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004

5. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." —Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000

4. "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

3. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1. "My answer is bring them on." —on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003

Letterman Top Ten.

Though this is easily the worst talkshow, sometimes comes up with something partially funny

Top Ten Signs Your Bought A Bad Computer

10. Runs on 200 "D" batteries

9. In the morning you have to defrost it

8. Runs on Windows '78

7. Box reads "Pre-loaded with hundreds of viruses!"

6. Tech support number is a Silicon Valley Applebee's

5. For better internet reception, salesman includes pair of rabbit ears

4. You move the pointer around by licking the screen

3. It's made by IBN

2. The mouse bit you

1. When you tell it to print, it tells you to go screw yourself

Interview between Bush and Ali G which has been banned from the screens, as soon as Bush's officials worked out what was going on, they confiscated the video tapes, fortunately they didn't confiscate the audio tapes.

Ali G: West sidee, I is here wiv none other than my main man George Bush. Bush is the prime minista of the USA Is ya wicked George?

Bush: I must correct you there Ali, I am actually President of the United States of America.

Ali G: ay, but dis is bein filmed fa da british people, and 'prime minista' in english whun translated into american means 'leader'.

Bush: I wasn't aware of that, anyway, I'm very well thankyou

Ali G: Wicked, but dat is not wot me crew told me... word on da street is dat yous were havin aggro wiv ya old geeza.

Bush: (looks bemused) Well, my father and I are getting on fine.

Ali G: I's heard dat nelson mandela phoned your old geeza, and told im dat yous ave been threatenin people

Bush: (puts his hand on his chin, pauses and then answers) I am not going to confirm or deny those reports about Mr Mandela and my father, I will only answer questions on the agreed topic of this interview, which is the disarmament and reconstruction of Iraq.

Ali G: yous ave to keep in mind dat nelson is from a turf wiv killions of racalist problems, dat is why he isn't chilled about ya attakin Iraq, coz is belief is dat paki bashin is racialist.

Bush: I can assure you Ali, this war has nothing to do with racism.

Ali G: yous say it's not a racialist war, but many people think da war is about religion, as it is well known dat Bin Laddam Ussain is a Protestant fundamentalist?

Bush: this is not a war on religion, it's a war on terror. Excuse me, which Protestants are you talking about, are the people of North Korea Protestants?

Ali G: da Protestants is da ones who flew planes into da skyscrapers, to protest against USA stealin their oil.

Bush: ahhh... 'Protestant' must have a different meaning on the Britain, next time I suggest we use a translator Ali.

Ali G: Here's da question i put to yous mr prime minista: is yous pro-life or pro-death?

Bush: Pro-life, my pro-life position is I believe there's life. It's not necessarily based in religion. I think there's a life there, therefore the notion of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

Ali G: so theorecitally, if there was a mini-me of Bin Laddam Ussain and we squeezed im inside me julie's flange, would yous recommend dat she did ave an abortion?

Bush: Ali, I'm not going to justify that question by giving it an answer We're not here to discuss abortion, let's get back to the disarmament and reconstruction of Iraq.

Ali G: Ay, fa those of yous out there who don't know da story, there is dis geeza called Bin Laddam Ussain who lives in da gulf, and he was one of da geezers who flew a plane into da sky scrapers, coz he thought USA were goin to take is oil and dat he could stop them by doin dat, but USA wasn't goin to take is oil, but now, to get im back, USA will take is oil, to teach im a lesson

Bush: I need to clarify, are you talking about Bin Laden or Saddam?

Ali G: Sudan is a turf wiv starvin bruvers in, we're not bangin about Sudan, we're bangin about Bin Laden and Iraq.

Bush: (after looking lost for 10 seconds) The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself.

Ali G: me mate dave used to terrorise imself too, dat makes im part of da japsyse of evil I won't tell youss about dat in case youss go afta im next he ain't protestant though.

Bush's Official: only time for one more question Ali, the President has a busy schedule today.

Ali G: Ay, well, if yous really want to prove yous is betta than your old geeza, dis is hows to get im real impressed, yous need to capture da norf korean leada.

Bush: Kim Jong Il.

Ali G: ahaha... Kim is a bitches name, I get it, yous dig to get a new bitch... bitche's are easy to get I used to ave a crush on Kim Wild, ehe Whun yous capture Kim she will be so impressed dat she will get jiggy wiv yous, does she looks like Kim Wilde?

Bush: (now laughing uncontrollably) Well... I... I...

Ali G: I recommend yous finish off da Bin Laddam Ussain business real quickest, and thun you can bone Kinky Korean Kim, coz I think yous need some riding of the punanni.

Bush: (laughing and getting up from his chair).

Ali G: me crew told me yous ave been offerin some people from da country of Un a share of Bin's oil whun yous get it, and so dey said dey will elp yous ruk im.

Bush's Offical: Mr President has to end the interview here Mr G.

Ali G: Thank you to my main man George Bush. Respect. This has been a well educationalist chat on the well important issues of Bush's Prime Ministry. BOYAKASHA