Today was a bad day. It was so bad I think it could be made into a comedy.

This morning my alarm went off, but I stayed in bed until 7am which is when the kids have to be up. I don't know why but no matter where I sleep the place is much more comfortable after the alarm goes off.

We dropped the big boys off at school and as soon as we start forward motion Mal starts crying. He cries in the van, then at home. I try different drinks and food and even baby tylenol. He didn't cry when he was sharing halloween oreos with Cocoa (he would lick one, let her lick it, he would take another lick) or when he was squishing the orange filling into the carpet. Between those and smashed corn puffs our carpet has orange polka dots which I am hoping is as trendy as sandy entertainment centers.

We went to Walmart to get some supplies. I got hair placenta which is supposedly made from real animal placenta. It is kinda weird, but my hair is shiny black now and it hasn't been since Malcolm was born. I am hoping it doesn't have any animal stem cells that make my hair grow pig tails or something. That was my splurge for myself because I didn't know about fingertip massages (CCL will understand)

I bought Malcolm a tiny size backpack with handle and wheels that is like Guy's. Malcolm loves pulling Guy's backpack around but he can fit in Guy's and this is just his size. He stopped crying when I put it in the cart. And he hugged it all the way home. Once we got home he started crying again.

We got home and I tried to have lunch but Malcolm wouldn't eat and when I tried to eat he kept trying to knock my food in the floor. Maybe I don't have to join a gym if I stay on the Screaming Malcolm diet. I never called the gym because I wouldn't have been able to hear anyway. And I have a phone phobia.

I even took him outside because he loves outside. He wandered around the yard crying.

Malcolm got the paper towels off the dining table and shredded them. I just sat and watched and laughed because I was so relieved he wasn't crying.

As we were walking out the door to pick up the boys from school I noticed Malcolm had gotten fudge pudding all over his legs and it was all over my hand and my shirt and pants. Except it didn't smell like fudge pudding. I changed him and my shirt and used a clorox wipe on my pants and hoped everyone would think it was chocolate pudding.

He fell asleep on the 7 block drive to school. He slept the whole time even when the bell rang and all the kids came running by, but as soon as we entered the house again he woke up and started screaming.

He took a break from the crying when the boys and Scott were paying attention to him. They had him outside and I was getting dinner ready. I put a big pyrex bowl in the dishwasher. We got it 16 years ago and I have dropped that thing from countertop to floor and it survived. Today it slipped in the dishwasher and shattered into glass needles that stuck in my hands and arms and all over the dish washer and the kitchen floor. I was barefoot so I was trying to stand up without stepping on any glass and I put my hand against the refrigerator for balance. Except really I put my hand on the ice and water dispenser and it took a moment to get my balance enough to let go so I got an icy cold shower.

I got all that cleaned up and we had supper and worked outside until I think my muscles are going to seize up. I took a hot shower and marveled over my smooth shiny hair.

Now I have to give Malscreamy a bath because he looks like he never had one before.

I think if I survived this day I will survive most of them. Now excuse me while I go laugh manically.

If you have a toddler that doesn't rip through the average size house in 15 minutes or less destroying everything in sight then you shouldn't call your child "high energy" to someone who does have one that tears up everything quickly.

If you have an RV you should know how to back it into your driveway instead of running it into the ditch and blocking the highway.

If you say you are a very conservative woman you should probably stay at home with your kids instead of running for office. I don't think you should brag about giving birth to a down's syndrome baby unless you plan on staying home and raising it because the raising is the hard part. That lady in Arkansas with a huge amount of children...I would probably vote for her because she has a huge amount of children, can work on a tight budget, and she homeschools which means multitasking and organization. Of course she isn't running because she is conservative and stays home with her kids.

I think it might be easier to shave cats than to clean cat hair from curtains.

I don't like getting out of bed on cold September mornings. I don't even like cold September afternoons. Why is Misery getting Canadian air this time of year anyway? See if they opened the borders we might get some Mexican air and my feet wouldn't be cold.

I think if this year wasn't a presidential election Bush wouldn't have given his little "we are pulling troops out of Iraq" speech.

These are just my opinions and not endorsed by any one other than myself unlike if I were dictator.