And I am sorry yet again, Ma
I have to choose you not again
I can’t be with you now
I hear you calling me towards u
But I once more have my duty before me
And this time, it’s a responsibility
To mount those steps you paved for us

Now, it’s my turn
And I have to reach upstairs
I have the bathroom on the right and the God’s room on the left
And you in my mind.
Now, I have to be you
And I have to bade you goodbye …
"Goodbye … till we meet again."



[Line 14th (the last line) – Courtesy : Celine Dion’s "Goodbye (the saddest word)" –
Till we meet again,
Until then Goodbye.]

Courtesy (for pic): Google Image

“Didi, biscuit khila de.” That mischievous naughty smile on the face of that four-five odd years old girl gave me an unexplainable feeling within. She now seems to be a God-sent child to change my outlook towards these underprivileged children. Just to think of how often we throw away foods, clothes etc. just because they fail to serve our interest, and on the other side are these kids – looking for a piece of biscuit, wearing clothes that don’t fit them – either too big or too small or with no good sweater at all for the winter.

I asked their names but I can only remember that first girl’s name. She called herself “Pinky”. Quite a coincidence. Maybe that was my alter ego confronting me. Exactly. That’s what I am now slowly beginning to believe in. I compared myself with her and she is all that I am not, and I am what she is not. She had a lovely, naughty smile. An unapprehensive attitude towards strangers, a charm to draw their heart, to make them enjoy chatting with her. That innocent little heart seemed to be quite happy in her own world – with parents working at a construction site as labourers and she playing around along with her other such friends. Is it fair on our part to treat such children differently? How would have I felt if I were in her place and if someone had shooed me away because I was dirty, because I was poor?

I would always remember this very day for the rest of my life. The pleasant smiles, the excitement to sit amongst those they see as towering figures – the words “main kursi mein betoongi” reverberate till now. Maybe someday I can do better things for them.

Someday … I wish for it to come soon...

“Compassion” – one of those things that we all need to feel and share with one another. Sometimes, I can see it flickering within me – sometimes I see my mother in these children, helpless animals which need our sympathy and love. I believe she is trying to give me another chance to be a human being once again.

She was my “mother”

One who was standing at that high pedestal

I could not reach the height

See her real face.

She was an angel

With a long black hair and a warm halo

And a magic wane that could give us gold

We loved her, happy that she had magic.

She became my “friend”

Stepped down onto the ground.

I could now feel her face

Her skin soft and emitted love

I saw a part of hers in me

Her eyes held this secret.

We shared a bond –

Pain and anger made us bitch – it was fun!

She is now God’s child – the “Chosen One”

The chosen one – to suffer

Even now in death, she writhes with pain.

The final human parting – I saw tears in her eyes.

Maybe she knew we wouldn’t meet again.

When we finally did, she was already sleeping and deaf.

But to tell you the truth, I know she heard me, she was smiling.

Her body was dead cold,

Was waiting for the warmth from the funeral pyres.

I BETRAYED HER.

I KILLED HER.

She died because I let her die.

She was calling out for me,

I was watching movies.

I can still hear her callings,

I’ll die with this voice

It tires one to wait for death.

The clock ticks away

My time will come soon, and I can’t wait to see you again.

Are you really happy there?

mother - a single word that conjure feelings from within,
mother - a single word that can only picturise my mum's face
... a thousand salute to you, my mother

i have always thought that being silent and letting others talk was my weakness, but i have now come to realise that it isn't so but one of my strongest qualities. it is something that i have inherited from my mother and that which has made me strong enough to face the cruellest people and the worst fate in life. and it has been the most beautiful gift that you have given me. i guess, God made me in your image and i am really glad that He chose me among the three of us.

you have been my strength all these years.. and i just cannot imagine where we would be without you. it fails my heart to see you lying in bed drained of all your energy and vigour. when will we see you once more on your strong feet? i'm dying to see you around us like before.. i ve missed so many years without you constantly by my side and now i wish i had been there all this while. you have never complained while taking up your resposibilities and we took it for granted, now i am driven by guilt that you had to do so much for all of us. and where will dad be without you? i had a very bad dream last night ..

ma, please don't give up
i love you so much..