Doug Clark & the Hot Nuts "Baby Let Me Bang Your Box Pt. 1"

The loss of one's possessions.

Does anybody ever have trouble letting go of old possessions? Do you ever get upset when you lose something? Does it bother you when something you had yesterday. You no longer have today? Or do you just accept it as part of life try and find a replacement for whatever you no longer have and just move on. I personally have trouble getting rid of old things or accepting that I have lost one or more of my possessions. Maybe it's me, but I seem to become very attached to my possessions. Sometimes I just love that object to begin with, and other times it is because I realized all the hard work and sweat I went into earning money to purchase that object. Sometimes it's just the pride of ownership. Sometimes it's just you have something for so long and you work on it or fix it or modify it to a point where you've made it your own. It is something unique. Therefore, it is very special to you because you helped make it or change it in some way. Other times these objects will remind you of people and places that you have been or are no longer in your life. Like when a friend gives you a souvenir when they went on a vacation. You have it for years, because it means something special to you.

I have this problem and it has been eating away at me for months. I tried to let it go. But I just can't seem to do that. I have lost several of my possessions, and it really bothers me. Even though I don't need these to survive, they still meant a lot to me. Let me see if I can explain okay.

Have you ever lent somebody something of yours? Have you ever borrowed anything off of somebody else? What would you do if someone lent you something, let's just say for instance, a music CD. You borrowed this CD off a friend because you liked it. Maybe you wanted to record it and make a copy for yourself or maybe you just wanted to listen to it to see if you liked it enough to go buy one. Either way, a friend trusted you with their possession. They gave it to you on good faith that you would return it undamaged in the future to them. Unfortunately, you don't get it back. Would you want your friend to go buy you another CD? If you lost or broke a CD you borrowed from a friend, would you buy them another one and say here. I broke your CD so I bought you a new one to replace the one that I borrowed. I am the type of person that would replace your object. If I broke or misplaced it. I believe that friendship is more important than material possessions. So to maintain my friendship trust and faith. I would do what I could to replace what ever I lost that was not mine. This is just me and I know for a fact that most people would be like sorry. I lost your CD, and I am not going to replace it for you, but we're still friends, right? I am not that type of person. I would keep my promise and make good. So the trust that you have in me and our friendship would remained rock solid.

I have a real problem with lending people my stuff. It seems that most of the time when I entrust my possessions to another person either, I don't get it back, or I get it back in terrible condition. This is why over the years. I've very rarely lend anything out to people even if they are extremely good friends. I am just sick and tired of losing my possessions or getting them back destroyed. Unfortunately it seems as though I never seem to learn my lesson. I inevitably believe that this time, this person, or this friend will not let me down. And that way I can share something with them but still have the confidence that I will get it back in good condition. Why do I always do this? I just know that I won't get it back or it will be fucked up!

Last summer I was talking with an old friend of mine that I have not seen in a very long time. We got to talking about music, and I found out that this friend had virtually no music left. You see a while back before I had contact with him. He told me he had a house fire and lost most of his possessions. Part of it was his music collection. I felt bad for him. I really did. He seemed honest and sincere enough. So I thought maybe I might be able to help my friend out because I have such a large collection of music. So I decided to lend him a large quantity of my backup music CD collection. We talked about a lot of different bands that he wishes that he had again. So I looked through my collection and decided to lend him some. This was a very big mistake on my part.

Back around the year 2000 I bought my first home audio compact disc recorder. This was a large step up from cassette tapes. I used the CD recorder to make my own personal best of's from my large music collection. Then I decided to start making backup copies of all the store-bought CDs that I own. It actually took me years to do this, and thousands of dollars. I never got a chance to make backup copies of all my vinyl album's. This is an ongoing project that may take me the rest of my life. Anyways, I'm getting a little off the subject. I liked the idea of making copies of my music that way. My store-bought CDs can stay home safe and sound and if I ever lost or scratched up a backup copy. I would still have the original, and it did not cost me that much money per CD. I could use these backup CDs to take to work or out to parties and even use while driving.

So I decided to lend some of my collection to my friend. I gave him a large CD binder that held 256 CDs. My friend was very grateful and appreciative when I showed up at his house and said here I'll lend you this if you promise to take good care of it And gave it back to me in a timely manner. He agreed and thanked me very much and said he would start burning the CDs to his computer. I know it would take him a while to do it because I started to put my music collection on my computer and it took forever and a day. And I barely scratched the surface of how much music I have. I believe I have recorded 400 or 500 GB worth of songs on my computer.

Shortly after I lent my friend All this music. I had problems with the city trying to tow my car's. I did not have a lot of money and actually even today, I still don't have a lot of money, but I needed to do something quickly, before the city towed my cars, and it would cost me thousands of dollars. I remember talking to my friend about this and he said he might be able to help me out. He said, just bring your car here and I have plenty of space in my driveway and you could store it here for as long as you like. I asked him, are you sure about this? Will it be okay with your landlord? What happens if you decide to move? He reassured me that he was extremely cool with his landlord and there would be absolutely no problem having the car sit there for a while. He also said if I decide to move, we would use my triple a "AAA" and have it towed to my new house for free. don't worry about it friend. I gotcha covered. I wasn't sure if I should do this, but I was in a bind and I decided to trust my friend. I know in my heart. I kept thinking maybe I should find another solution like borrowing money from my father and putting the car in a actual storage facility. I know this will cost me a lot of money that is the main reason I decided to take my friend up on his offer, because it was free and it would not cost me anything. I also figured. I am sure I can do something for my friend to make up for his hospitality. Then I remembered I was lending him some of my music, and when he was done with that first set of CDs I would give him more. I said it may not be much but if I can share my music collection with him. That would be just as good as letting him store my car for me until I can come up with the money to get it fixed properly. So in my mind. It was an even trade I would do him a favor and he would do me a favor. Sound fair right? What are friends for, to help each other out!

Now comes the hard part. My friend tells me when he decided to move that his landlord came to his house when he was in the middle of a move and flipped out. My friend only was able to get half of his possessions out of the house before the landlord freaked out. His landlord locked him out of his old house, and any possessions of his that he did not have out of the house. The landlord took My friend's stuff and tells me that the landlord said he owed him money. My friend assured me that he was paid up and the landlord had no right to do this. I felt extremely bad for my friend because he lost a lot of his possessions. Then he had to tell me the hard part. That the landlord had my CDs. He also told me that the day he moved out that my car was there. Two days later he went back to the house to get the car to bring it to his new house and the car was gone. Since I know for a fact there was no battery in the car and the car needed some motor work done there is absolutely no way somebody could have drove the car off on its own power. Someone had to use a tow truck. Since my friend said he did not do it, the only person that we believe could have done It was the landlord. Truthfully, who is just going to steal a 30 year old car out of someone's driveway? It is just a regular old car. It's not like it's a fabulous hot Rod that screams steel me! Steal me! Believe me more than likely, if you were going to steal my car you were only stealing it so you could turn it in for money at the scrap yard. The problem is most places that recycle cars need the actual title for the car before they are allowed to destroy it.

The problem was, can we prove that the landlord took my car? Apparently not. We went to the police and filed a report about my car being stolen. The police seem very unhelpful and very un-cooperative in this matter. My friend said that a few days before we made this report him and his wife filed a report against his landlord for my friends possessions that he no longer has that the landlord is withholding because he says my friend owes him money. My friend told me, don't worry about it, because we are going to take this to the magistrate, and even if he sold your car and my possessions we should at least be able to get compensated for our loss. I believed my friend. I figured at least if I can't have my car and CDs back I should be able to get something out of it. I am still very upset that I no longer have my car or my CDs. I can always make more CDs the problem is. I need the time, and the money to do it. It took me over six months just to burn the case of CDs I lent my friend.

Now my car is a different story. I loved that car! Most people won't understand, because they say it is just a car. You should just let it go. I can't just let it go! This was my first car. I did so much work on that car over the years that it actually became part of me. I've changed motors, transmissions, drive shafts, and body parts on that car. I've rebuilt the brakes and the steering system. I put a lot of blood sweat and tears into that car. That is the main reason I did not want to let it go in the first place. It was something that I put so much time into, that it actually became part of me. It's really hard to explain. It's kind of like trying to give a piece of your soul away. That's how I felt about this car. I am so upset that I lost it and will probably never ever, ever see it again! I keep kicking myself for thinking why did I take the cheap way out. Why didn't I just borrow money from my father and stored it properly. But no! I had to take the cheap way out and trust a friend. I trust a friend with a piece of my soul, and they let me down! I know, supposedly it was not his fault that my car is now gone, but I trusted him with it. So now what am I supposed to do? I trusted you!

I trusted a friend, but he let me down. Do I believe what he tells me? In the beginning almost 6 months ago I had no reason to doubt that he was telling me the truth. But this was back in September and now it is February. Since this incident I've only seen my friend maybe twice and I had to drive to his house over 45 minutes away to see him and only talk to him one or two times on the telephone. This was way back in October. Since then I've had no contact with my friend, and even when I try to get in contact with him by leaving him e-mails or telling another friend that sees him on a regular basis to please contact me, but he doesn't. I can't call him on the phone because I do not have long distance. And even if I could call him my other friend says he seems to have major phone problems with his phone being turned on and off frequently in the last few months. It is as if my friend is avoiding me. So what am I supposed to do? What should I think? I mean, I still believe that my friend was telling me the truth but since it has been months. I tend to have my doubts that my friend has told me the entire truth about this matter. Was he really paid up on his rent? Because I can't seem to think why a landlord would want to hold your possessions unless you actually owed him a lot of money. I don't see how he can get away with taking your possessions and unless you owe him lots and lots of money I don't understand why my friend never pursued this lawsuit against his landlord. It seems to me, you need to pursue this as soon as possible and not wait two years or so down the line before you do anything about it.

I have been screwed over by many people I once thought were my friends since I have a lot of experience with people that somehow, someway screw you over. I tend to wonder when something starts to happen to me again. Can I actually trust this person, or are they playing me? Unfortunately, there are way too many dishonest people in the world. I see this on a daily basis from perfect strangers that I meet. It just makes me sad and upset that sometimes people you trust, are just using you to get something that they want.

I really don't believe that this friend of mine is trying to screw me over. But I am really not sure what to do about it. I really don't want to lose the friendship I have with this person because it goes way way back. I have lost friendships from people that I care about over a lot less bullshit than an old car and a bunch of CDs. Should I hold my friend responsible for the loss of my possessions or to some how Just let it go and move on like nothing has ever happened. Like I stated in the beginning, it is very hard for me to let something go. So I have a real dilemma.

I really don't know what to do. Should I continue to be friends with him and just go on like nothing happened? Do I ask him to compensate me for my possessions? After all, I did trust him with them. So should he be liable to pay me for them? Now I've watched enough court shows on TV to know that I might have a case against him. That is if I had enough proof I could take him to small claims court and be compensated for my loss. But they're a big pain in the ass! Besides, you need to really have a lot of proof and documentation to win your case. So I really don't think I'm going to sue my friend, because I no longer have certain possessions. I'm still left with, should I continue to be friends with him or not? If I remain friends with him Should I demand compensation? I know most people would say, just let it go. And I know I should, and it seems petty, but I guess I'm just not ready to let it go and continue to be friends with this person.

I thought maybe our friendship would be okay and it would endure if he actually decided to compensate me for my loss. In reality, I would want my car and my CDs back. I know that's not going to happen. If it were me and the roles were reversed. I would do whatever I could to pay back my friend and keep my friendship. At the very least I would start by giving him a bunch of blank CDs and a pack of sharpie markers and say here At least you can start making new copies of your CDs. That would be a start.

I really don't want money for the car. I know money would be great right now but what I really want is my car. The only way I'd probably be happy if he actually went out and found me a car. The same year, make, and model or one pretty darn close to it and bought it for me. Since the car was old and needed work. It's not like I want him to find me a pristine model. Just one that might need a little bit of work, but I would like another car. Exactly like what I had. I believe that is the only thing that would actually make me happy, other than getting my original car back.

Does this seem like too much to ask for in a friendship? To spend between five hundred dollars and two thousand dollars for an old used car? I know they're not that expensive because I look on eBay all the time for cars exactly like mine. Just to get it idea of how much they're still worth and selling for. The problem is, most of them are pretty darn far away and having somebody transport it here or taking the time to get to where the car is and drive the car back is when it becomes expensive. As I often thought about buying one of these cars. But if they're not within a 1000 mile radius of Pittsburgh. It almost ain't worth getting it unless the car is in immaculate condition for a very cheap price. I guess if you really want something particular It's going to cost you. Since it is a 30 year old car there are not too many of them left. So only people like myself who enjoy old cars can appreciate their value.

This seems like almost too much to ask of a friendship. Too have them buy you a car. If you lost a car over a friend would you still want to be friends with them? Could you just let it go? Should you just let it go? These are the questions I have been pondering for months. So you see my dilemma. Since I can't figure out what to do. I believe this is part of the reason I have been not myself. Since I've been sick at Christmas time. I don't usually get the winter blues for long, but I do tend to get them for at least a week or two almost every year. But this year it's been different. There are so many problems in the world and in my life. I tend to wonder if things will ever get better. Will I ever get a break in life. Is this the way my life is one big disappointment after another. Will I ever be able to trust any body ever again. I usually trust somebody until they give me a reason not to trust them anymore. Trust is a very difficult issue with me. Trust is a hard thing to give. Believe me, I have learned the hard way time and time again. It seems like it's the littlest things in life that are actually the biggest problems we face. I could accept losing a lot more possessions a lot easier if it was something like a natural disaster or a fire. But losing things over petty bullshit just eats away at you and it drives you insane! This really is a hard thing for me to let go. I've never quite experienced anything like this. I guess I don't accept change, very well. I like change only if it is a good thing and is a benefit to me or mankind. Nobody likes change for the worse.

I have a hard time dealing with bad change. Maybe I need therapy! I don't know what I mean. I just know that this problem is eating me from the inside out. It's funny how one thing that seems so petty and so in significant to one person can be a monumental issue in their lives! This is life, this is who we are, these are the things that will change us for the future. All the little problems I had in the past is what makes me who I am today. How I learned to deal with these problems now will define who I am in the future. I know I have made many mistakes in my life some that I have to live with until I die. I just don't want this to be one of those mistakes.

You're puzzled friend Spanky.