It made front page news yesterday, wild turkeys on the loose in Fargo and Moorhead. They say that there are at least six that hang out by the Hjemkomst center (home of my beloved Viking war ship), not far from where I live, here by the river. They treat them as pets there at the center and say they're not worried that they are there but would be worried if they weren't there. Well, they will be worried soon

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They have been causing "traffic to screech to a halt while they're crossing the street," says Holly Heitkamp, the Hjemkomst building manager. This is unacceptable. It could cause cars to lose control and run over pregnant mothers with baby carriages! Not only that, Turkey hens are protective of their poults (chicks), and could peck the eyes out of some poor little curious kid.

Well, I have the cure for all that.
Tonight I'm going to dress up in super-ninja garb, don my horny Viking helmet, and sneak over to the Hjemkomst center along the river bank to bag me one of those delicious critters. They
should forgive me there at the center as they glorify daring raiders from the waters edge. One good smack on the turkeys head with my warhammer will do the trick. Then I just stuff it in my duffle bag and sneak back home along the river bank, leaving no trace.
Not only will I be doing the community a service, but I will be providing Prince the cat and I meat for a week at least. I will use the feathers to stuff pillows, and will feed the bones and leftover parts to the neighborhood dogs - nothing will be wasted. Then I'll do the same thing week after week until they are all gone. No need to thank me fellow FMers, I'm just doing the right thing.

David