Well on sat i asked doc to have lunch with me on tuesday and he agreed, so we set up a appx time to meet and place, he cant say the time he will be off exact, so it was okay....well my daughter told me monday she gets outta school early tues, tues rolls around, and i go apt hunting in the morning.....waiting to have lunch aftr with doc, well my daughter shows up and i take her and her best friend to lunch nixing the idea of seeing doc, i calld work he got in at 12:10 and i thought we just missed one another maybe next time....so i hung with my daughter and her friend we ate at mcds and then her friend got on the bus to go home, she calld her mom, we stayed with her a bit, on the walk home i look over and there is doc, we make eyecontact, he pulls into the driveway where im at, he went looking for me, he even sat at the place where i live, he shoulda just called, but he likes to complicate it i guess....we talked 20 min, i suggest lunch on monday and he agrees....i think he likes me, i mean he went out looking for me we r talking almost a hour from him leaving work. I havent been able to stop thinking bout that, he is so sweet. That is the 3rd time this month hes done something what I call sweet for me, all i can say is aw....i have to hurry and move, i want my chance with him, and im not gonna blow it....he is just so sweet, and lv u doc....thnks for ur smile and cheering me up....

bye all.....

Hello all, R/M tells me he loves me for what its worth, what the hell does that mean? We got into an arguement last night, I dont know anymore....anyhoo, he stays up every night, doesnt sleep at night or at all, he just plays diablo the devil game is what I call it, he is obsessed with it, he doesnt get out anymore unless he needs food, but otha than that nope....he even stopped taking one of the meds the dr prescribed, its an anti-depressant, he says hes not depressed and all, but I have seen a split side of his personality and the not sleeping thing isnt healthy....he is cruel to me at times in the things he says and does or lack of doing, the other day I took my denture out and it hurt as I had to much of the glue in there and it felt like I was pulling my gum and skin out, I cried and yelled to him did he respnd? No he was playing that damn game, 15 min after I was done he asked r u okay? I said yeh like u really care, he asked what did I say and I said u heard me.....I am working ot this week, and I am glad bcuz the other night on my way home I said I dont even want to go home, my daughter is outta town with my parents on vacation, I am glad she isnt here to see all this....though she knows whats going on....he is a liar....I need to change things....and I will soon....anyhoo, I wrote b4 about a guy I called dg or shy guy or doc, well I call him doc now, well on saturday of this past week he asked me to have lunch with him monday, and I said okay, we did, it was nice to be with him, I have such deep feelings for him its so deep that my heart actually aches and hurts, it hurt when with him, but hurts more being apart....it was nice to be with nice man, he is the complete opposite of this other guy, he is a total sweetheart and has a good and kind heart....I see that. I can talk to him, I share things with him, I told him I got involved with this other guy while I was involved with my rm, bcuz I was hurting and bcuz of the problems I was having.....and I almost said it was really bcuz I didnt want to deal with the feelings I have for him, it was alwayz doc I wanted to be with, but I didnt tell him, I cant for some reason, not yet.....well he asked me to have lunch with him again and I said next time its my treat and he said i'll hold u 2 that....it was nice to hang out and spend time with the nice guy....he is the nice guy, he is different, i know that sounds cliche but its true, he is so worth the wait.....we have been friends almost 3 yrs and aftr a year and half of flirting he asked me out ( that was last year ) he moves slow, real slow....the first time we went out was last summer. I asked him to help me move, he said okay he would.....he makes my heart smile, he makes me smile when things r so dark for me elsewhere in my life and I need him....well thats all folks....\

He and I met in sept of 05, and started a friendship in feb of 06 he looked at me and the way he looked at me I felt he liked me, and then last year of 07 we started getting close, and I am glad we have become close....its slow and all but its worth it....but some of the things he does and says shows a bit of immaturity....he doesnt want to get hurt either....i dont know what will happen as of yet.....hi doc thnks for making me smile, ur my friend and angel on this earth....i love and need u....

I NEED TO VENT, MY RM OR WHATEVER U CALL OUR RELATIONSHIP, WHICH IT ISNT IN MY OPINION. LAST NIGHT I TELL MY DAUGHTER TO TAKE A SHOWER, AND SHE FIGHTS ME ON IT, Y DO I NEED TO TELL HER SOMETHING SHE KNOWS SHE NEEDS TO DO, ANYHOO, RM BRUSHES HER HAIR FOR HER, WELL AFTR SHE TOLD ME NO A FEW TIMES AND I YELLED AT HER, HE JUMPS IN AND SAYS HE BRUSHED HER HAIR THE OTHER MORNING, AND EVENING AND SHE SAID SEE, I GOT UPSET, IT SHOWED HER SHE DOESNT HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME AS HE SAID WHAT HE SAID AND SHE DIDNT TAKE HER SHOWER. SHE LIED TO ME SO SHE IS GROUNDED TODAY....SHE IS PLAYING ONE AGAINST THE OTHER, AND HE SHOULDNT HAVE SAID ANYTHING INSTEAD HE SHOULDA JUST KEPT HIS MOUTH SHUT. SHE LISTENS TO ME ALOTTA THE TIME BUT LAST NIGHT SHE WAS ACTING OUT AND I GOT UPSET AT HER AND I AM UPSET WITH HIM....I ASKED HIM IF WE WERE GOING TO RIDE 2DAY AND HE SAID I DONT KNOW YET, SO 4GET IT, HE IS A LAZY LIAR....I AM JUST ANGRY AT BOTH MY DAUGHTER AND HIM THIS MORNING. I JUST NEEDED TO VENT BUT IT ISNT HELPING, I HAVE TO WORK 2DAY, I HOPE 2 C MY DOC 2DAY JUST SEEIN HIS HANDSOME AND SMILING FACE CHEERS ME UP, I HAVNT SEEN HIM IN A WEEK NOW AND IM GOIN THRU DOC WITHDRAWALS, AND I ACTULLY MISS HIM, WELL THATS ALL....

FEEL FREE NOT TO COMMENT ON THIS BLOG AS I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO PERTAINING TO MY DAUGHTER AND MY HOME SITUATION, IM JUST UPSET LIKE I SAID AND NEEDED TO VENT, RANT AND RAVE BOUT THIS....

BYE ALL....

Good evening friends and cyberworld, I am healing quite nicely and to add I have lost about 14lbs now, i know its not the best way to lose weight I admit, but I cant really eat anything yet cuz I cant chew yet I tried and it feels wierd, so in time, i have to and I will. I went to the dentist this morning, all looks good, next month they will realign and readjust it since the swelling is going down now....and the gum will shrink a bit more he says, its wierd to say that, but u know i feel good about this, i have my smile back and I look good now, better than llets say a month ago. I told my rm that I was going to the laundry mat to wash all our towels and washcloths, he said and I quote ur just busy so u can stay outta the house, hey someone has to wash the towels and I am that someone cuz he wont do it....and it needs to get done, if not me then who???? We r just coexisting at this point. The other day I yelled to him loudly and he called me an idiot for yelling at him, i asked whats with the name calling and his response whats going on here, what the big picture? he turned it around on me and i said its emotional abuse to name call and he said me yelling honey was emotional abuse, oh gimme a break. Then later that night he called me stingy for not letting him use my headphones which r the ones that go right in the ear not outside the ear, eeww i wasnt gonna let him not aftr being in my ear, i didnt respnd, i never called him selfish or stingy for not letting me use his other laptop when mine was in the shop, and when i asked 2 use his other pwr supply and he said no i didnt call him selfish or stingy....I am seeing him for the arrogant s.o.b. that he really is, the way he was when we first got 2ether and he workd at boeing and i was unemployed, he was sorta snobby back then as well, i just was too blinded by love to see that well now the blinders r off....I am going to 2 job fairs coming up, one on the 26th of this month and the other on the 21st of April.....I need a better job so I can move, and all that. I am stuck right now, cuz I cant really save not with the dental bill I have to pay, but its okay, one thing at a time....meanwhile I will look for a room to rent also and another job....I havent seen or talked to mrmdg in almost 2 weeks now, havnt talkd to him since b4 goin to the dentist.....really havnt talked with doc either, and i miss doc alot, im going through doc withdrawals.... i have been chatting on line with this guy i will call j....its wierd, i dont know and i find myself saying hes not doc, see with doc its easy and its safe, same with mrmdg, but i prefer doc and in my heart I dont want to get over him, there is something about him, he gets under my skin deep.....i mean deep....when i was at the dentist and put to sleep he was with me well in my dream he was, i saw him there, i felt him there, i know God was there with me, I saw and felt his presence and he is healing me, I came out of it really well I have to say.....but Doc was there, I even moaned his name as I was coming out of my deep sleep....I wont see Doc til next week, our schedules r whats keeping us apart, plus I live with my rm.....I dont know anymore.....well i just needed to rant a bit, right now I miss doc alot, i feel my heart is heavy right now and I feel somethings wrong....oh well, til next time....

I'm outta here so peace out.....

Hi DOC, Hi Mrmdg.....hugs 2 u both.....