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  • Work: Computer Sciences Corporation
  • School: Lincoln Memorial University

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Last updated Tue May 22, 2007 Member since August 2005

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Pick me up on your way down, when you're blue and all alone . . .

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Oh, what will I talk about today?

What a trip report!
I thought I was pretty good at drafting a trip report, but this bloke really finds the humor in a bad situation. Keep in mind, he's British, so his humor is a bit dry sometimes. If you'd like the name of the establishment where he stayed, I'd be glad to send you the contact information!

I knew it sounded to good to be true - our normal airport parking was £80 and this was a Hotel including parking for £66!

We made the horrendous mistake of paying an extra £35 for a 3 course la carte meal plus full english breakfast - I wouldn't have paid £3.50 for it and fed it to a dying dog.

The Hotel looks quite nice upon arrival and the Reception was OK with a foreign clerk however, thats all that is OK about this disgusting excuse for a Hotel.

The place is in ruin and was last decorated in 1940 it appears. Wallpaper is missing and falling off, painting has been started and not finished, carpets are threadbare and everywhere is filthy! The rooms are worse with all sorts of stains and marks on the walls and carpets complimented by battered, damaged cheap furniture and oodles of dirt!

The TV could not pick up anything other than Channel 5 and that was a poor ghostly picture, the bathroom was filthy and I dare not shower in the jacuzzi bath for fear of electrocution or legionaires disease. The four poster bed had a broken post which perilously wobbled and the mattress sank so badly to one side I actually fell out of bed twice! The sheets were dirty with brown stains on and the walls were marked with what looked terrifyingly like blood and excriment!

As we had paid in advance for the meal we ventured down to be greeted with a 1970's style carvery - cooked and there since 1970 it appeared! Cold watered down soup started the offering deliverd by a comedy "Manuel "style waiter followed by a carvery which offered an imaginative menu of turkey, BBQ chicken or cremated tuna steak accompained by carrots, carrots and carrots plus aunt bessies soggy roasts and thick skinned gravy. It was disgusting and inedible with no taste with the only morbid enjoyment being watching the faces of other unsuspecting guests who had paid for this rubbish and trying like us to see the funny side or put on a brave face!

After an atrocious nights sleep thanks to the sinking bed, noisy neighbours and the disco downstairs with drunken Christmas parties screaming Living On A Prayer below our window until 2am, we braved breakfast before our 9 hour flight as we didn't think it was possible to mess up a simple breakfast - toast and coffee would do we told ourselves.

How wrong we were! Breakfast is served in the Pizzza place and the food was disturbingly unregonisable. Making bacon, sausages and eggs look and taste like dog food really is a talent and even the tinned tomatoes tasted wierd on the burnt toast. The coffee was more like creosote and the service was hilariously bad.

The pick up point is unclear and not marked at Manchester Airport and collection is hourly so we had 40 minutes to wait in the freezing cold hoping we were in the right spot. The driver was miserable and unhelpful and stopped for 15 minutes for a driver changeover which consisted of a gossip and two cigarettes whilst we waited door and drivers window open!

We do not normally complain and appreciate this a cheap hotel specialising in airport 1 night stays. However it was completely unacceptable and we rang the booking agent to complain after dinner but had no where else to leave our car at such short notice, so have to write to them and the hotel and will also be contacting trading standards and Environmental Health/ HSE as this place is scary and should not be trading.

I really advise you to stay away from this poor excuse of a Hotel as try as we might even we could not see the funny side!
Wednesday January 14, 2009 - 07:17am (PST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
Don't try this at home!
All hair removal methods have tricked women & some men with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Leave work, go to the tanning bed, come home , fix dinner, play with the dogs. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe.................. OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a fewmonths ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!!

It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.
Wednesday January 14, 2009 - 07:14am (PST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
The Adventures of Cortez the Hitch-hiking Cat

When we arrived at the Best Western Turquoise Inn & Suites in Cortez, Colorado to spend the night, we checked in, parked, and started unloading the car. Across the street, coming from a tree next to the building, we heard a cat. This cat was crying, meowing, making a terrible noise. I said to my mother, “That cat sounds like it’s in heat.” She said, “It sounds like it’s in pain!”. I replied, “Same thing, isn’t it?”

Later that night, when I went outside to smoke, I saw the little kitty lying on the sidewalk. Apparently, he had gotten down out of the tree. He was a little white and grey kitty-cat. He looked at me and I looked at him, and he stayed there until I went back inside.

The next morning we packed up the car and headed off 40 miles down the road to the Four Corners Monument. Four Corners is the only place in the United States where four states meet in a perfect 90 degree angle. The states are Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, and Arizona. The monument is on the Navajo reservation, and is only open during certain hours. Also, there are little stands set up where some of the Navajos and nearby Ute Indians sell beads, crafts, food, and other items.

When we turned off the highway onto the little dirt road toward the monument, I heard a faint “meow” sound. I looked at my mother and said, “That sounds like the cat from last night!” She said, “It can’t be!” As we continued up the road, we continued to hear little cat whimpers. When we pulled into the parking lot I said, “I swear, I think that cat is in this car!”

We got out of the car, and sure enough, emanating from the hood region was little cat noises! The three of us just stood there looking at each other trying to figure out how we were going to get the cat out. I didn’t want to open the hood, because I thought the cat would jump out on me and eat me alive. My mother didn’t want to open the hood because she thought the cat would have two legs, one ear, and no tail. We tried to find someone in the visitor’s center who could help us figure out what we should do. No one was there. One passerby said we needed to open the hood, grab the cat, and break its neck quickly to put it out of its misery. Finally, I found a Native American gentleman tending to his stand who came over and popped the hood. As soon as he did, a fully-intact kitty-cat jumped out of the hood and straight under our car. I immediately named the cat “Cortez”, since that is where he came from.

We went over to the monument and took our pictures, and I shopped around in the little stands that were set up. When we went back over to the car to leave, my mother looked under the car to make sure we wouldn’t run over the cat. Cortez was GONE! It didn’t take long to figure out where he was, as little cat whimpers could again be heard coming from under the hood. We popped the hood, and although you could hear him, he was nowhere to be found. We tried coaxing him with “here, kitty, kitty”. I tried banging on the fender. A couple with a dog came over to see if the dog could help scare him out. Basically, everyone on the reservation knew that there was a cat in our car, but no one really had any good ideas of how to get him out. We worked for at least 15 minutes, but to no avail. That cat was not coming out. I thought he was going to end up coming back to Tennessee with me!

Finally, a couple came over to help. The guy was on the ground looking under the car as best he could (the car was low to the ground). His wife was looking down through the hood. Finally she said, “I see him!” and she pointed him out to me. I finally saw a glimpse of him. About that time, the guy was trying to get out from under the car and hit against the bottom of the wheel well. When he did, the cat jumped around. I screamed, “Do that again!” The guy hit the car a couple more times, and the cat jumped out of our car and made a beeline straight to the car of the couple who was helping us, and jumped up under their hood!

Had it been anyone else, I would have just driven off and thought “You deal with it!” As it was, since it was the couple who had helped us, we couldn’t just leave. They popped the hood, and the guy yelled to his wife to hand him a bottle of water. He poured water all over the cat, and finally the cat ran out of their car and straight into the visitor’s center. I yelled to my mother and papaw to “Get in the CAR!” We exchanged pleasantries with the couple that helped. They jumped in their car, we jumped in ours, and both raced off the reservation as quickly as we could.

Somewhere on the Navajo reservation near the Four Corners Monument is a white and grey cat named Cortez who has already used eight of his lives.

Wednesday September 5, 2007 - 02:01pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
Greetings from Alliance, Nebraska
Day 3 of the trip. Many sights seen so far. More news when I'm a little more awake! :-)
Sunday August 26, 2007 - 09:38pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
The Trip Plan

The trip begins tomorrow morning. It is a 10 day excursion (though I am not on the 10th day--that is for Bluebird and Dixie Dewdrop to get from my house back home). Each day of the trip has a title (assigned by Bluebird as part of the master plan).

The days are:

Day 1--Riding off into the sunset

Day 2--Westward Ho

Day 3--Monuments and Memorials

Day 4--The Oregon Trail

Day 5--Spacious Skies

Day 6--California or Bust

Day 7--Get Your Kicks

Day 8--Rocky Mountain High

Day 9--East Bound and Down

Day 10--Back Home Again

I will be keeping a journal/travelogue, which I hope to be able to post with pictures as we go along.

Thursday August 23, 2007 - 08:41am (PDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments

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