... Dick will make you slap somebody

It's 5:30am.  I have been awake all night.   It's my fault because when I got home from work, I took a nap.  My plan for today was to be up (relatively) early so I can get a jump on my day and possibly wrap it up early.  That plan is shot to hell.  I CAN'T SLEEP!

Usually, in this situation, I would just masturbate until I fell asleep (even if it meant multiple busts).   Tonight I just wasn't interested. What is wrong with me??? No good porn on the net and none of my Y!IM buddies seemed to be interested.  Now I know tomorrow,  excuse me, today is going to be hellish because it's HOT and I'm gonna be sleepy. And while I'm ranting, I need a haircut!

Wait, I think I just felt something... that pre-sleep drag. Could this be it? I think it is... Goodnight!!!

What do you do to help you fall asleep?

I know the web is an interesting place.  You can 'meet' people and develop some sort of connection without ever seeing the person face to face or even hearing their voice.  I also realize that many times LUST is the driving force and Love and F**king are not interchangeable. I don't discount that there are real connections made online; but they seem to have the potential to fade as quickly as they begin.

I have had a few chat buddies over the years who have taken a genuine interest (as far as I can tell) in me; we exchange more than mere pleasantries and our flirting is secondary to actual conversations about the occurances in our lives. 

Let me back up a bit.  I am in a monogamous, committed relationship.  It is 10 years strong and, currently, it is long distance.  My partner knows that I have an online life, however, he chooses not to be a part of it.  His only request is that my online life remain online: no hook-ups, hang-outs or offline chats.  I think that this is a reasonable request and I usually make my chat buddies aware of this early on (or at least at the point that they ask to exchange phone numbers or hook-up).  Subsequently, my intentions are out there, as are those of my 'buddies.'

In looking back over the last year or so, I have realized that a few of my buddies have fallen off.  Ones that, at one time, acted as if they couldn't live without my IMs (and occasional video chats) began to ignore my presence online altogether even after I bent my rules and went beyond what was 'permissible'.  Sadly, I removed them from my buddy lists - the pain was just too much

I, too, have been been guilty of the blow-off.   I couldn't handle the pressure of people wanting to exchange numbers, testing my limits and, ultimately, disrespecting my relationship.  Or the ones that don't understand "No."  I don't like to be mean but, dammit, "No means No!"  I don't want to cam everytime I'm online;  Sorry you really need to bust, I'm busy right now and can't help you... you get the picture.  Then there are those that only responded to my contacts; never reaching out first, always just reacting to me... Anyway, I'm not saying I don't understand how and why chat buddies give you the slip; I'm just wondering if it is a function of the virtual world? Breaking up without really breaking up? 

What do you think?

Eye Candy.

It's almost summertime and, as usual, my hormones are acting up.  While I am a huge slut in my mind and imagination, in the real-world I am far from it; a tease at best. My hormones rage during this time of year because there is so much eye candy on the streets. I love chocolate... but vanilla and caramel are pretty good too. 

When I see a chocolate brotha leaving the basketball court in a tank top with his big shorts on... I start to tingle from head to toe. The cuts of his arms as he dribbles the ball on the hot asphalt, the bubble he drags behind him peeking over the top of those shorts; I'm savoring this goodness. Eating it up and giving less than a damn about all the calories.  I just wish I didn't have to obey this green light because I could stay here at this intersection forever.

Vanilla men do a little something to me, too.  When they are young and fit. With their board shorts that hang just so and the size-too-small faded t-shirts that hug their chests and fall to that area below their belly buttons and above their drawstrings allowing for a glimpse of the hair along the happy trail. And I can't forget the flip-flops that the seem to wear with EVERYTHING... large feet with long, slightly hairy toes. (Who knew I even LIKED feet?) All wrapped up in a carefree attitude that just screams out "Duuuude."

But my absolute weakness is for the caramel/cafe con leche papis. Brown skinned Puerto Ricans, Cubanos, Mexicanos... Curly black hair, lips like LL, tattoos of the Blessed Virgin or the names of their Baby Mamas or even their homies, Rest In Peace. Fuck the wifebeater, bare chested in the Southern California sun. Broad smiles with occasional tugs on their junk for effect. Que Rico, Papi.

I look, savor, maybe drool a little while I observe them and secretly wish that my pseudo-interaction with these unsuspecting fellas would play out like an Enrique Cruz movie... They never do but it's all good; my sweet tooth has been satisfied by all the summertime eye candy.

What's your favorite flavor? Why?