Me in Germany...

-------------

WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MO NA!!!


MISTER: Pag namatay ka, isusulat ko sa nitso mo "MALAMIG
NUNG BUHAY, MAS MA LAMIG NUNG MAMATAY!"
MISIS: Ah ganun?! sa nitso mo naman "SA WAKAS NANIGAS DIN!"


WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi
agad ako..

SEXY: Maawa ka! meron ako, meron ako!
RAPIST: AHH! Walang meron-meron sa kin! TITIKMAN KITAA!!
SEXY: WAG! AY!
RAPIST: Yaakk!! Meron ka nga! Meron kang itlog. Bakla!

1st night lola wear see thru dress, lolo didn't react...
2nd night lola wear t-back, lolo still deadma...
3rd nyt lola all naked, lolo said "anu yan suot mo, gusot-gusot!!"


Juan: b-day ng asawa ko
Pedro: ano regalo mo?
Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: ano naman sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.



Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve!
Student: That's not true! My dad says we are descendants of an Ape!
Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!


RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
USA: we're 1st in the moon
ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA: you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!


Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's
make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw,
hindi na.


KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala
pa rin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya."

DECLASSIFIED : SECRET COMELEC EXAM

due to mounting public criticism last election, the comelec secretly held a special qualificatory exam for shobiz candidate to see if they were intlligent to run for public office. each candidate got a piece of paper from an empy ballot box which contained different kind of questions. the following is the actual declassified transcript:

Commissioner: what is the difference between lightning and electricity?
bong : lightning is free but electricity is not

C: how many sides does a circle>
rey: inside and outside

C: what is a planet?
lou: a planet is a body of earth surrounded by sky

C: uranus?
George: do we have to desribe that?

C: how can u tell when u're brething and not breathing?
edu: when u breath, u inspire, when u dont breah, u expire

C: what does the word germinate mean?
nora: that's when you become a german citizen

C: what is he difference between H2O and CO2
dingdong: easy lang, H2O means hot water and CO2 means cold water

C: what does momentum mean?
vilma: that's when u give a person when they're going away.

C: where can u find finland
anjo: inside an original nokia cellphone

C: what is the capital of the United States?
herbert: there are two, capital letter U & S

C: what is iraq?
mikey: a kind of stone sir

C: where u can find guatamela?
Lito: in the botany book, it's another kind of gumamela

just want to make u smile, have a nice day everyone. muahhh

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day

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Valentine's Day

Saint Valentine of Terni and his disciples. 14th century France. Richard de Montbaston.
Official name	St Valentine's Day
Observed by	Western and Western-influenced cultures
Type	cultural, multinational
Significance	Lovers express their feelings to each other
Date	February 14
Observances	Sending greeting cards and gifts, dating.
Related to	The Night of Sevens, a Chinese holiday that also relates to love. White Day, a similar holiday celebrated in Japan and Korea one month after Valentine's Day.

Saint Valentine's Day or Valentine's Day is on February 14. It is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other; sending Valentine's cards, candy, or donations to charities, often anonymously. It is very common to present flowers on Valentine's Day. The holiday is named after two men, both Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

The day is most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of "valentines". Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards. The Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas. The association estimates that women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.

In the United States, the marketing of Valentine's Day has tagged it as a "Hallmark holiday". A recent trend has been to refer to February 14 as Singles Awareness Day.