OK you've got your socialist for president. I'm done voting likely forever. Ill put my effort in to more success full things. I vote by ideology, not experience, not personality, not race. With my taxes now about to go up and my car made illegal Thur environmentalism I wont have time to vote anyway. With alliances about to change from being Allies with Israel to to being Allys with Islamists I really don't want my name being associated with being American anymore, because I believe Islam to be evil. the leftists will have there way. I have now to figure out how to live my life separate from all this bullshit.

I just got a notice on my house this morning, from city hall that my house is in violation of multple exterior codes. Stuff from my ancient old porch light missing its globe to my garage requiring a new roof. As some here know I work 2 jobs to the tune of 20 grand a year between the 2 jobs. I work 55 hours a week, ontop of that my wife janet has ultran maor surgery being done on her foot which will lay her up for 2 to 4 months, next week. At my income and already paying extra on my mortgage because of some missed payments due to job prolbems earlier Im squeezed enough. The notice threatens prosecution if I dont comply in a little less than 2 months. My transtion has been delayed enough for job reasons and now this looks to stop it. Will I ever realize my potentiial!!?? Why ever bother going on if Im going to work multiple jobs just to keep city hall appeased and then be too tired when I get home to ever do anything with some as simple as hair. Im about to blow up the damm house and tell the city of Grand Rapids there now we have a violation and just leave. Being embroiled in waste of time crap like menial jobs then now this, make me wonder if living is worth anything anymore, I did everything for naught. And janet doesnt seem to give a damm about it and wants to stay in the ole Grizzle Rapizzle anyway. If I do what the city want Ill have a house up to "code" but I still be Steve paying for the repairs for the rest of my life and have nothing to live for anyway.

If you have talked to me or read my postings in varius places you know I come out of a highly dysfunctional family, expecially this year. Ill also tell you all that I come out of a family with a high fanatasism about privacy. Examples, many in my family have unlisted numbers, most of my relations won't use public restrooms, and so on. Until this year I was never exposed to the idea of private funerals at all, maybe private grave side services, but the funeral home visitation and services whether at the funeral home or church were always for EVERYONE I'd meet neighbors, fomrer coworkers, etc, ,etc. The first time for a private memprial was a great aunt on mom's saide of the family passed away in January and her memorial never happened, but I blew that off because she was a fruity cranky old bat of a woman. Now I'm upset. Not only was Barbara Ann abused in this life but abused in death. This piece of work named Karen has no claim to being oldfashioned just because she is anti transgender, because thats where old mindedness in her stops, because the old timely value of respect for the dead is'nt obviously a part of her value system. I saw annouced one brief service and thats it! No visitation no nothing. The more I deal with the anti tg crowd the more I was out of society and head on over to No judgement TX when it opens up next year. Karen is a very good example of the lack of civility that we have in our society today as claimed by conservative minded people. my spouse Janet now even wants a piece of her.

Transgender community its time to make your wills concerning your passing and how its handled. Janet has promised to not keep the gender community out of mine If I was to pass before she doe's. She doe's keep her promises, no need to be skeptical. She'd thank everyone tg or not just the same for coming if that were to happen. Grieving is a natural right even reconized by some of the badest of the bad. Karen made her self worse than bad. Thank God Barbara had a friend like Chloe who had the wherewithall to put on a memorial for the tg comunity to grieve together. While many strides have been made for us, there obviously is lots of work to be done. No one should ever have to beg for their right to grieve.

Dear friends and friends of Barbara Ann. I took this long to write down what Barb did that Friday night in March for me because reliving it brings me to tears every time I even do a hint of it. I think I owe it to Barbara Ann, I think I owe it to her friends to as best I can recount what happened that night. If I would of never met Barbara and my family would of intervened or my wife would called 911 it would been a big mess. I'm eternally thankful and sincerely wherever she is now she is being duly rewarded for what she did.

I can't remember what exact date is was anymore, but it was a Friday in mid March. I was only working at Domino's at the time, and par time hours 28 to 34 a week. things were falling apart, I had just got a final notice from the mortgage company to pay up thousands of dollars or be for closed on. I had the Internet shut off keeping me isolated from the tg community, my phone was limited to incoming and local calls because my wife bounced the check to the phone company, my water was near being shut off. I had bounced check notices because of my wife. I was thinking this was the last straw I'm loosing it all. I though that would etiher force me on the street or living with family which would effectively end transition possibilities for me. If I go out on the street its no more breaks from my boi suit on account of facial hair. Th sent me into further anxiety and despair. I was weeping. I just was giving up. I had worked on up to then some things to set the table for my transition and it was about to be taken from me I was thinking why bother anymore, I was mad at my wife Janet for bouncing her check thus turning off the phone. Thinking all was lost I grabbed all her basket with all hear daily meds which amounts to about a dozen. P I picickedut a abigbottle of vvicodinand big bottle of XXanexto take. My wife gets home seeing me open her mmedsand is alarmed and takes away her mmedsexcept what I had in my hand and we argue. I was about to give up .I was upset I ccouldnt talk to my tg friends either. I had lost Barb's cell #. While I was in a ppanickttack Janet found the cell # in my cocompouterom under some stuff and went to the gassasation payphone and called Barbara leaving a message that I'm Imreatening ending it all. I coucouldntove well because I was having a papanicktack at the same time.

15 minutes later Barb Barba. she listened for ten minutes to me rattle off a lot off problemproblet the speed of a race car. First she addressed the mortgage issue saying the mortgage compacompnaysnedsgo to court to get my house, "don'dopn'ty. Then she told me that I am already Steffi and she considers me that know matter what. She told me that she values having me for a friend and she loves me for who I am. I cryedcryedawhile because no one told me that ever. I said for just being me, and she said yes honey. I put away the pills and thanked her over and over. She could of never known on this Earth how much that meant to me. To be valued, to be trusted, to be loved for just being me, and not for something I do or can do. Everything was conditional as a kid, and even when love was expressed it was for the fake me, Steve. We talked an hour give or take on her dime, till she had to go, for picking up a daughdaugherm dance class. The next morning she called and made sure I'm Im.okp>

I'm cIming now with the feeling that I failed her knowing she didn't fail me. I never had someone I could trust and return the trust to me like her. She loved me for being me. Yes we befriended because we share the same predipredicementg gender dysphdysphoric it became a friendship that went beyonbyond issues and just great friends. Where I was Steffi not Steve. ThatThatsy I'mImver inendebtedo her. She bebefirendednd cared about me, someone who can be annoying and drive people nuts sometimes. Someone who has quirks. Someone who is eccentric. Barbara is true one in a billion. if cloning were popossbiled clone a million Barbs. We need many more like her in this world. I share this with everyone freely. This was a tragedy in the truest sense of the word. in my life Barb has been my truest friend. I just wish I could of been more truer for her in her time of need. God bless you Barbara Ann.