Where does the story of a friendship begin? Back in 1987 I was going through a difficult period for many reasons which I won't get into to save my sanity. I applied for a job and was invited up for an interview. I walked into Fearon - the deaf / blind / multiple handicapped unit at the School for the Deaf in a neighboring town. Totally unsure of what I was getting into but believing I could help make a difference.

Elaine was the unit supervisor. She seemed a bit imposing but with a Cape Breton twang and an amazing smile - was that - yes it was - a twinkle in her eye. She talked - I listened - then I talked and she listened - I was hired immediately and my first shift was night aide that night. I went home to do all of the things a wife and mother would do before I drove back to start a new chapter of my working career. I was to work alone in the unit for the night. Not scary until you think of the number of children living there full time and all that had to be considered about them.

I arrived and received the 30 second tour from a houseparent before they vanished and I was on my own. A complete walk through every 1/2 hour and start waking the kids at 6 am to bathe etc. Staff would start rolling in about 6:30. Sounds easy enough. Don't forget some private and semi-private rooms have alarms but all should go good and I am now the only person left awake in the unit. Oh yeah Paul says as he sticks his head back in the door. If you run into any problems use the back stairs to run to the unit above and get help.... then he laughed.... I did wonder why then dismissed it and did a bed check.

Time to back up a bit - this school was for the deaf etc children of several provinces and all or 99.9% of them lived in. A gigantic building with 5 units or dorms - which held all a child could possibly need to develop normally and grow. Each dorm was their family though they mixed with all others for meals and various other activities. 2 gymnasiums, dozens of classrooms, libraries, office and staff, their own outdoor rink, sports fields, a separate vocational school for teaching trades - anything needed to help teach children from 5 - 18 years old.

Back to my night. I ran a few bed checks - every 15 minutes to keep me awake and to learn who was in which room. In between I did laundry, straightened up - anything I could find. Suddenly I am hearing a strange noise so I go to check it out. It is one of the boys from one of the larger rooms. I won't name names. He had gotten up to go to the bathroom - no problem .... right? Yeah there was - you got it. This young gentleman had removed his pj's and was now spinning around in a circle - 1 hand waving back and forth in front of his eyes and the other very busy manipulating an over sized body part - get my drift? I take the hand waving in front of his face and lead him back to his room, get him dressed and back into bed - job done I head back to the kitchen area and the clothes I had been folding. 8 times I did the lead him back to bed thing before the child - child hell - he was as tall as me - attacked me. Scratching and hitting. Yep I ran up the back stairs and got help. The gentleman working knew exactly what to do. He wrestled this child back to bed and applied pressure in a certain spot to deflate any need to continue to flex a hand / wrist. Then he showed me where I could clean the scrateches and told me all should be quiet now but to " call up" should I have any further problem.

When Elaine arrived the next morning she asked how I had made out and read my reports of the evening. She laughed and said you will do good girl. I was moved from night aide to houseparents and kept on. As low person on the totem pole I often got the shifts that no one else wanted but also did a lot of double shifts and worked 7 days a week. It did not help a bad home life but I was making amazing money and never had time to spend it so I just handed it over.

I often found myself working with Elaine as I was given the most difficult kids to work with. Quiet time was spent talking and she loved to talk about her home where she had grown up. She had entered the convent as a young girl and never regretted it. She had met a priest - Charlie and they had developed a friendship that grew into love. Elaine left the convent and Charlie the priesthood because their two worlds collided. They had left their positions but never their beliefs and they began a life that would seem strange to many now a days. Each had their own apartment in seperate sections of town. They would visit back and forth but never spend the night or if they did they stayed in seperate rooms. Elaine got sick and Charlie worried about her. He decided to try to make her happy and built her a beautiful new home on the outskirts of town yet still Elaine stayed at her apartment. She got better and was able to come back to work and opened up a bit more to me. Telling me of her forbidden love for Charlie - their mutual decision to leave the church but not their beliefs. She could never have a man / woman life with Charlie because she was married to God as he was and that was a marriage that was for life.

Charlie moved into the home alone and she visited when she could but would never move in. We continued to talk even after I was transferred to senior girls dorm. I would bring the girls down to help out with the younger kids. Some were really good with them but I was on a different scheduel now. I often had the girls away or out to the malls, hockey games, swimming etc but spent time talking to Elain when I could.

They decided to close out the school and mainstream all of the children into the system - yeah I agree ... how dumb is that move. I got a job closer to home and life went on. A few years later I started going to card parties with my husband and Elaine started going as well. He didn't get along with many people and disliked me talking to anyone but Elaine and I talked when we could. Eventually he stopped going and instead preferred to spy on me through the window on his way to his girlfriends place. Yeah I had him followed one time.

The story of Elaine and Charlie went on. She eventually gave up her apartment and moved into the home he had built - still seperate bedrooms but at least they were under 1 roof. Charlie got sick and they discovered the cancer but neither lost an ounce of faith. He passed on and Elaine stayed in the home for all of her life. She played cards long after I stopped going and took her trips back to Cape Breton where her heart was. We still ran into each other and she would always give me a hug and ask " how you doing girl - you look great" During our talk Charlie would always be mentioned. She loved that I would go to Cape Breton on vacation as well and that I had based 1 of my books there - I never had time to tell her that I finished a 2nd one based on the island as well.

I got a call th other day that Elaine had passed away and all of our conversations, shared confidences and times spent working side by side came to me. She had been a true friend - never critizing or condemming my life as she shared hers with me. How many who laughed and played cards with her knew what she had confessed to me. I made a note to attend her funeral even though I avoid all others.

I braved the frigid temps yesterday morning, fingers crossed that the jeep would start in -27 weather and drove across town to pick up my mom who also wanted to go. We arrived at the church early and I sat with my own thoughts. The service started and Dale - a supervison wlked to the front of the church. The service was to be done in 2 languages - he signed the entire service. It was then that I broke and cried. He travelled from where ever to do this in tribute of a woman who was very well loved and respected. I will admit it was a much longer service than I ever expected - conducted by a priest who obviously took the time to get to know her. He spoke so highly of her and her love for all. Even her love for Charlie.

After the service all were invited to share stories over a nice piping hot cup of Cape Breton tea. As I sat and talked with some of Elaine's friends I thought - finally her and Charlie can be together. They had met as young people in their faith - stayed true to their vocation for many years finally leaving the church - they co-habitated as seniors living the last few years of their earthly lives under the same roof. Dying years apart - now they are finally together and that brought me the greatest sense of peace possible. As I left the church yesterday afternoon - I swear I heard Elaine and Charlie say " hey, how you doing girl - you look great. Have a wonderful life and never lose hope for a better tomorrow"

Elaine I love you and pray that you are so very happy. All the best to you and Charlie.

In memory of Elaine Ward 1937 - 2009

Dance Out in the Rain

Life can be like blue skies – or so I do remember

Or life can be full of happiness – like Christmas in December

Life can be like roses that smell so very sweet

Compared to July and dancing in the street

Life can be overshadowed with clouds so dark and dim

When days are drained of happiness and looking pretty grim

Many things can cause this - a life that full of pain

But first of all you have to learn to dance out in the rain

I remember living when days were full of fun

Laughter filled like children and always on the run

Life was good and stretched before – an endless summer day

The nights – the sky was darker but still on and on we’d play

We behaved like lovers on a magic roller coaster ride

We stood beside each other – looked out on the world with pride

We started listening to others – they created such a strain

It seems we started to forget how dance out in the rain

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul

I knew that being wrapped in your love could always keep me whole

Left off to ourselves – oh how wonderful life could be

But it wasn’t what others wanted – the ones I couldn’t see

I need to bring that girl back – if only for a while

The one who used to laugh and sing – greeting all others with a smile

The person that I use to be – I need to be again

As I wipe the tears – toss out the fears and dance out in the rain

Vlp

Looking at my contacts Arielle was the first one I came to. She is an amazing person, a single mom raising 3 boys alone, working full time, making siure the boys get time for school, friends, excerise / sports as well as quality one on one time with her. She is doing a fantastic job as it I might add. She also finds time to blog and post pictures - keeping one up to day with life in that part of the country. Thank you so much for being my friend Arielle.

Mickey - one of the best people ever. I was blessed the day he spoke to me on 360. Mickey has his own problems but never too busy to stop and speak with a friend, taking his camera on daily walks to show us all what life is like on Wallney Island ( spelling). Mickey always has a kind word and a great suggestion and able to put a smile on your face no matter how bad your day has been. Thank yoiu as well Mickey, I am so fortunate to be able to call you my friend.

Jasmine has to be included - she is a sister not born of my parents but discovered online. A soul that is as beautiful on the inside as the out. She has come so far in her life and I am so very proud of her. I have asked for and been given permission to use her as a character in my new book ( I need to find time to finish it) Yes she definately is a soul sister and I am proud to call her my friend.

So many people should have been included but the challange was for 3. Now I challange each of you to look to your friends list and select 3 to say something nice about. we all have at least 3 we care enough about to do that so lets all show some love. I do hope every one is having a great week. Please be safe.

Vicki

Sometimes when I sit to write I wonder if there will be anything to draw from and today I find myself with a couple of things to draw on. I have always loved the ocean so it would be so easy to allow that part of my mind to run free but just to be different today I think I will let it run to memories of the last few years mixed with some new ones.

A few years ago .. in my past life I found myself drawn to those in a nursing home. Things were not good for me at my place and I wasn't sure what else to try to make them better - I had previously tried more than you would believe. I decided to try to make each day a bit better for the residents there. I wasn't stealing time away from my home because no one would be there to miss me - I mean after all work, friends, trips and parties always came first and I was forbidden to work.

I started with just 1 lady. Grace was special to me - she came from my neighborhood. I used to take her out shopping, to appointments and run errands for her so it was only natural that I continued after she moved into the home. Grace was 92 when she moved in - with no family living close I became the contact person to pay the monthly bill for her living there.

I guess Mavis came next - she had been living in nursing homes for about 17 years at that point after her spine gave out and she could no longer stand. She was always upbeat and never depressed even though she had no close family to visit often. Mavis would knit all day long making wonderful dish cloths she sold to the staff to get money to buy more yarn or get her hair done. She made amazing wool socks and mittens for her family for Christmas, birthdays and I love you gifts. So I used to make sure she had a never ending supply of yarn.

Isabel had been in the nursing home for a couple of years already at this point in time - she was already 98 when she became my girl #3. She was still active on the board of the local hospital, IODE, Rotary Club, Church board and playing the stock market. Yes she still had a mind as sharp as a tack. Isabel's husband had died about 55 years earlier and she had never remarried - never had children but instead devoted her life to nursing and helping others. Actually what put her in the nursing home was trying to help someone else. Isabel still lived in her huge family home and was waiting for a drive to church one day when she saw a car accident. She hurried to help those in the car and fell on a piece of ice breaking a leg. She couldn't go back home so was moved to the "home" within sight of her own place.

Viva became number 4 though she was truly a 10. She came to the home extremely hard of hearing and with feet / ankles so swollen that it looked painful to even set on the floor. Yes Viva was extremely deaf but became a good friend to both Grace and I. She didn't sign - could see no sense in learning at the age of 102 yet always had a pen and notepad handy so she could write notes back and forth. She really disliked missing anything.

Ethel was the next of my girls to be adopted as one of my girls. She had a room down the hall from Grace and they sat at the same table for meals. I would take Grace into the dining room and then put everyone's bib on and make sure they had all they needed before leaving for home. Her sons and family used to come and visit a couple of times a week but on the days they didn't she was right with us.... another of my girls.

Here I hesitate as to who was number 6. With so many in the home - so many without family they all seemed to like a bit of my time. Was it Donna who never had company except for once or twice a year - Cherry who was young to be in a nursing home but could not live alone after a severe stroke. She used to have visitors yet still seemed so lonely. My grandson Alex had a stroke before he was born - Cherry seemed to be very taken with him and would speak to me ... telling me of the pain he would probably be suffering after a stroke no matter how he was when he had it. Makes me wonder if an unborn baby suffers something like that - how painful is it for them, I am happy to report that he is now 6 years old and in grade 1. He is as normal as any other child for the most part mentally though he will never be a match physically. To me he is and will always be very special. He is Grammie's guy.

I really enjoyed volunteering with these women. They filled a void in my life and I in theirs. Each day I found myself looking forward to finding something to make them smile. I would go to the dollar store and buy decorations to brighten up their rooms for each occasion. I would bake them surprises, remember birthdays, some were able to go out for a drive for an ice cream or I would boil up some corn on the cob then coat it in butter and wrap it in tin foil and rush it up. One New Year's Eve I snuck in a bottle of maple wine and gave each about 1/2 ounce. Not enough to interfere with their meds. They became the models behind a lot that I wrote later on.

I was a constant visitor there for a few years then one by one they started dying off - Viva first at 104, then in a very rapid succession Grace 96, Donna, Isabel at 102, Ethel 96. Mavis moved away - in a month I had no girls left - the heart went out of me and I stopped visiting there.

A few years went by with me avoiding nursing homes altogether. The past couple of weeks I have been going to check on the mother of a friend of mine - the only difference being the nursing home was in another town. I agreed but approached it with trepidation - could I really do it?

The first day I appeared with one of my granddaughters. I talked with Hazel as well as some of the other ladies yet kept my distance a bit not even sitting in the 2 plus hours I was there. Later that week I went again but alone this time. We sat and talked - more arriving to sit and listen to us then joining the conversation.

This week I arrived with a smile on my face looking forward to my time there. The conversation soon turned to parents, grandparents and the story of how they arrived in our area. Most that day seemed to have direct lines to England, Scotland, Ireland etc. Then one woman spoke. Her grandparents has escaped from Europe - they were Jews and she related the stories they had told her of stealing into a country and pretending to be mute until they learned the language perfectly. Practicing speaking in secret until they had it perfected. From country to country working for a few vegetables or a meal. She told of how if they earned a dollar that 75 cents of it would be secreted away in their clothes in case they had to run again. They wanted to come to Canada but could not make a direct approach so they escaped to the east until they eventually crossed the Pacific and arrived in the extreme north of the Country - eventually setting in the area.

How I wish I had taken notes that day - the information and stories that were shared may be lost forever for the most part though I may remember a bit and who knows what may show up in future stories, blogs and books. Alzheimer's is a cruel disease - I may never again find a day when their minds are as sharp as they were that day when Jean, Hazel, Adell and Rhoda shard with me. Yes I have started learning their names. I was back yesterday but it was like a light had been turned off for Hazel - some of the others even remembered my name. Days like that are bad and good then I step back and ask myself if I really want to get close again - am I strong enough to do this again?

As I leave tonight I leave you with a tribute to Grace Isabel, Mavis and Mrs Veniott - friends long gone but not forgotten.

There’s a mother who stands by the nursing home door
I know this I’ve seen here, I’ve bee there before
She waits for a family that never arrives
They dropped her a card so she knows they’re alive
They said they are busy and she speaks this out loud
They’ll never forget me – they promised – they vowed
But still they don’t come and she stands all alone
And prays they remember her and visit or phone

There’s a mother who stands by the nursing home door
I know this I’ve see here, I’ve been there before
Waiting for the family she never had bore
Yet waits forever at the outside door
Watching each one as they come inside
Wishing she had children, Lord knows that she tried
Relying on others, it isn’t the same
Wanting some of your own to carry on your name

There’s a mother who stands by the nursing home door
I know this I’ve seen her, I’ve been there before
Waiting for family from so far away
Hoping they visit if only for today
She loves to have company, loves to talk
Yet sits alone because it’s too hard to walk
She dreams of times past and more yet to come
Of the people she’s met and the era she’s from

There’s a mother who stands by the nursing home door
I know this I’ve seen her, I’ve been here before
She sits and she knits and talks some more
She sits and she knits yet watches the door
She waits for her family not so far away
And wishes that they could spend the whole day
With knitting to do and people to see
Watching over the others and papers to read

There’s a mother who stands by the nursing home door
I know this I’ve seen her, I’ve been here before
There’s always a mom waiting here all alone
There’s always a hand waiting to pick up the phone
There’s always somebody who needs someone to love
While sitting waiting for God’s call from above
So I hold them and love them and show that I care
And be here with them while my heart it does tear

God bless you, your mothers and everyone else that you love. Please be safe.