Friendships!

There is something in life that has many rewards and that is true friends. Last night one of my fellow sisters had showed me how much she cares by supporting me about my decision to get SRS. Not only that but also by showing her concern about this weekends event that took place. She knows that I am sometimes to caring and open with alot of people. When she told someone yesterday about the way that I am and how she will protect me to no end had brought tears to my eyes. So to Christy thank you very much for always looking out for this girl here. Not only did you give me the courage to go out, you also showed me all the things that made me the person I am today though I may not use the same language (lol) we are similar by not taking sh** from anyone. I was thinking back to my firt nite out with you at the Queen and I sat at that one stool near the table for the entire night and how you would go get me something to drink. Never pushing me to do something I was not ready to do but understanding how my needs were to be comfortable.

It is because of you that I am able to do what I am doing today. I also know that your Birthday is coming up and The only thing I have planned for next month is the Toledo event. So if it is not on that date I will be there with thongs on oops bells on hehe.

And now I am going to get alot of feedback but yesterday someone told me something and it just hit home. Suzie you broke a friend of mines heart. She understood that you were married and that things were not right. My friend even relocated to be closer to you and then you decided to work things out with your s/o and now she is stuck in a place where she does not want to be. I saw you last night in the chat room but I had to many ims with friends to go in there and chat with you but we will have a nice little chat in the near future. When you play with peoples emotions that is morally wrong. I saw that you said you were looking for a long term relationship how could you do that when you are still attached to your s/o. I will always be there for my friends and if I see any of them respond to you I will inform them what you had did to T. If you have any problems with that we can discuss in private or we can go out and talk about this over a drink.

It's all about respect for me, You can not have a LTR if you are married you are showing disrespect not only to your s/o but to my friend also. She wanted to move here with me and she is more then welcome to do so. Just be honest honey and tell people that your are attached and that what you are seeking is someone to love that other side of you but claiming to be free for a LTR is misleading.

I was in a similar situation but knowing that I always kept my feet on the ground knowing the possibilities of what was in front of me and my goal was to be commited in an LTR. So when the time came for me to decide what is more important I made the right decisions. This happened a long time ago and from that I know the pain that I went through. It is bad enough when you are new to the transitioning period and then to be handed cards like that really hurts the other person. So hon just be honest to yourself and to others that you will play that same game on.

T babe you have my number and can call me 24/7 I always have my cell on and if you need to talk call me. I don't care if its 4 AM or 2PM I am here for you. Cheri I also want to say the same to you I know we are both ghetto girls and have that bad girl attitude but even we need an outlet. I am sorry what happened between you and Ray but Girl you don't need no man who is gonna play you. You are a beautiful woman and there are plenty of guys that will treat you like the princess you are. If not I will go over there and rock your world (lol). I hated to see you so down when we went to Hunters and I see that it is still going on just drop him babe. It is not worth it.

Now to my dumb butt......

I just got my hormones approved once again so I am sorry if I was a little out there but with alot of personal issues and not having my hormones everything was going on at once. I just started taking them again and wooohooo I feel much better. I also want to share a little note someone asked me what is it about me that makes me happy. I would have to say it is the way that I can listen to others. Sometimes thats all a person needs is to let things out. I will never give advice unless that ask I may give my opinions but I will let them know its my opnion but its your choice.

Erika also sent me information on SRS Surgery in Thailand and it includes pictures, testimonials and a price guide for different procedures and I owe a million thanks to her. I will be doing research based on that information and this girl may be all woman in a faster period than I had anticipated. So to you guys out there dont ask to see my humps (lol). Hmmm who is gonna pop that cherry (giggles). Well my life right now is in the mix because of a family members health issues. So I unable to do certain things but this looks like it will be a long term issue so I have decided to move forward and pursue my full transition for age does not slow down and time moved forward faster now these days. Jasmine has always been a good host to those who came down to visit her but she would be a better wife. (hints)

There are certain things this girl will do and some things she will not do when it comes to intimacy and when the time comes I will share that with that special person who I can call my own. I had always considered myself lesbian but things are looking differently now. I have seen many Transgenderd people that have the quality and desire to be with me. Though I am a one to one person I do like the attention from others but will never stray from that one person I am dealing with. I just hope my dancing doesn't push them away I love to dirty dance giggles.

Last night on my webcam I sported a new look and if anyone who reads this blog can tell me what they thought of it please feel free to leave any comments. That was my first time changing to a multicolor hair style so I was like 50/50 with it. I will be going out on Thursday and Friday nite with Terri it will be her first time out in months so I will be offline most of those days. She is a real cool person and a friend that I can say is very special. Thursday its out for just dinner and conversation and Friday we may head out to a dance club or bar not sure yet. It will not be an all night thing so I will be online later in the evening. Saturday I may go to the Dock depending on who will be there. I get to see Jessica Diamond and the divas perform woohoooo. Once again this girl will be taking notes.

I also want to go back to Gigi's, Connections, Hunters and a club in W.VA. Oops and I forgot I want to check out Edges in Cleveland also. Wow thats alot of driving. to my sis in S.F. Thanks for the invite but things are looking better for me now. So I will stay put here at least until I see things are for a few months if things go downhill I will reconsider your offer and go there. Nothing is going to stop me from my forward progress now and for this I apologize to others for my time may be limited in the upcoming months. Hopefully before the summer of next year I will start on my planning for a new life as a fulltime TS.

In Closing:

I need some help again for my show in Toledo I am looking for some songs and if anyone is into R&B, Pop, or Top 40 please send me information and if anyone has the song by lady bunny called fu** with you please email me a copy. I am unable to find it anywhere and that song is the bomb. And to Kendra any bets on the bowling event my average back in the days was a whooping double digits lol. But I do rise when its a competition. And not that kind of rise dirty girl (lol).

Love to all and tomorrow I will share some Poems I have not done that in along time.

Love Jasmine

Well Let me start my blog off by saying that I had went out to a Party for a dear friend who will be transitioning to br a Post-op and the Party was great. The house was amazing and the people that I met were also amazing. Nina and Donna are bar far the best hostesses of any party that I have been to and Thanks for the invite and every body looked beautiful. It was also good seeing some of my older friends as well. And especially Marina we had not had spoke in some time and it was good to sit down and chat with her agian.the same can be said with Glenda we have not talked in length as we did that night I always had a high level of respect of her and her talent work as a photographer but talking to her that night I see that she is one of the coolest people I have met by far. I also want to add Christy, Mandie , Michelle, Glenda, Kendra, Lynn, Edie, Diana, Bobbie, Dawn, Christie Lynn, Brenda, Brandi, The Gigi's Waitress (sorry don't remember her name but she's a doll), for their loving and kind ways. That will be a night that I will cherish for years to come.

Now to some Personal notes:

As most of you know that I am looking for someone to call my own and to get involved in a long term relationship. My dear friend Mandie in the picture above is a very special woman. We have know each other for over 7 months and are partners in crime (lol). But I have to clarify some things so that I can clear up some assumptions that have been going around. What we have is a special friendship that has been and will always be that. Due to certain situations and circumstances we are not a couple and though many of people have assumed it was a long term relationship I am here to explain that what we have is long term but a friendship. She will always be with me as all of my friends are and we still are dance partners but my goal in life is to find someone to settle down with.

I am one who like to keep certain aspects of my life outside of the public view but after the past few days I have been mad eto feel guilty and was hurt by alot of comments that others had said to me and for a certain outburst yesterday that concerned me. I have always expressed myself clearly not only in bogs, profiles but also in person that what I do expect in a relationship is someone who can devote their self to me as I will do for them. This means a person that is available 24/7 without any obligations or ties. And this had been expressed on numerous occasions and recently I was accused of playing games or with peoples emotions. I have always been upfront and never changed my profiles indicating otherwise. My search for my soulmate meant just that a soulmate that I can have and call my own. There was alot of confusion about that so I hope I answered that without sounding harsh or disrespectful.

As I expressed to you that our friendship will never be tarnished by all of this because I know that you are a truly wonderful and caring person. And I am here for you if you decide to transition to fulltime and for anything else that may arise. Relationships may come and go but friends are for life. And you will always be my friend, my fellow dance partner and my sister.

I also have to express that I have always told you about the pain and the loneliness I suffer especially with the lost of my family for not supporting me on what is the most important part of my life. I always thought if someone would have showed interests in being my soulmate you would accept them as you have accepted me.

I also want to say that I do apologize to anyone that had been involved in this turmoil and I hope that we can squash this once and for all.

I also want to thank alot of others that kept me from doing something that I later on would have had regrets on doing.

The words I write are from my heart and recent attacks and critism had touched that heart and turned it into a little colder for others to get it.

There is a song by Beyonce that sums most of my feelings up on this called me, myself and I.

in Closing:

I have always stood firm on dealing with people that are free and always held the sacred vows of any relationship worth saving. I would never try to step in where someone else is involved in. For those of you that know Jasmine personally can testify too. When I get romanticly involved I want a full commitment and one that is without any obstacles that can prevent it from reaching that next level. This girl here is in need of something that is real and a person that can and will be there for me through thick and thin. One who can commit without hurting anyone else. I am not taking pop shots at those who are involved with a g/f,b/f or spouse. Everyone has their outlook on things but for me I need someone who is not attached so on a spur of the moment if I decide to go out I can count on this person and would not have to work around schedules or watch what time I need to call them or anything else like that.

I was brought up if you have to sneak around and do things like that you are just as much as fault as the person who is cheating. I have a good heart and never like to see anyone hurt. Though this blog might hit home it is not meant to hurt it is what I feel and a true friend can see that it is I who is hurt by this.

I know you said I have not entered a blog about our past outings and other events that we have attended. This post was hard for me to write because going out and talking about clubs and intimate times about me is different. For I believe in privacy and don't want any of this affecting anyones judgements about you or I.

At first I was going to give up from Saturdays nights events and go solo and just have fun without any regard to anyone and just be me. On the drive home I knew I was going to an empty home again and this is something I can not deal with much longer. I have been without someone I can come home to for over 4 years now. So I am so ready to commit to a relationship that will lead to a bond as man and wife, or wife and wife (lol).  And before any men take that as an offering I meant, TGS/CDS/TVS/TS or GGS. Straight men do not apply. Secondly I have decided to go through full transitioning so the person that I deal with must understand that other part of me is just window dressing not for use. I am a woman and that is how I want to be loved as.

In the future I will add certain aspects of my life accordingly. This way any of the prior events wont take place again.

I do want to end by saying that Your friendship means the world to me and I hope this does't sway you to think differently. We have shared so much as friends and went many places and even did things I have never done with anyone else shopping and going out to eat in femme. This to me does not have to end we can continue to have what we always had but the fact of me looking for happiness with someone who can commit will always be first. All that I ask is that you can respect that as I respect the things that you are going through and never question anything about you and your ways. We are all adults here and there is no need for any negative feelings. Life is to short to do the things that children sit down and plot. The truth is I am happy for you that has a family that are trying to deal with your transition and it may take time but they have not turned their back on you remember that. You have been here with me when we went out to some clubs in Cincy and have witnessed first hand the loneliness here at my place. I lost my wife, children, family and friends when I came out. Yes it hurts, but it would hurt more for me to live a lie and continue to live that way. SOo on that note as I always told you always think before making any decisions and when you are done thinking about it. Think Again. Your Family loves you and so does your S/O. If not they would have left a long time ago.

Thanks for being you.

Always

Jasmine

Good Day

Well okay everyone who is wondering who the woman in my life is there she goes! (lol)

Anyways Wishing everyone had a great Thursday and the weekend is so close now woohooo. So far it looks pretty good no clubs this weekend for this girl instead I am going to a social event. I am so eager to go to see some of my sisters from Cleveland there and catch up on some old times. I have not seem them is some time and it will be good to chat with them once again.

I also want to say the if you have time go check out urnotalone.com they need our support to keep running. So check it out they also have free profiles available.

Also if anyone has any information about the SRS doctors in Thailand or in China please forward any information about that please. I made my decision to go for it.

Also I want to add a special thanks to all of you that did talk to me and pointed me into the directions that also helped me in every way. So this girl has become a womam.

I am also open to talk with and get information with anyone on our community so feel free to contact me.

Now to a the serious side of Jasmine. A person who called himself a Religious person called Ron_Blessedone wrote this to me

ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:43:35 PM): god has told me
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:43:49 PM): u have very few days on this earth
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:43:57 PM): i repeat
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:44:07 PM): u have very few days on this earth
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:44:19 PM): its not i who tell this
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:44:26 PM): listen
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:44:33 PM): ur days r countless
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:44:39 PM): i am not scaring u
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:44:49 PM): if ur heart says it
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:44:50 PM): agree
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:44:54 PM): if not ignore
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:45:07 PM): u have the decision                                 ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:45:38 PM): jasmine i have lots of work to complete this day
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:45:46 PM): and stop doing what ur doing
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:45:50 PM): god loves uuu                                            ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:46:06 PM): u wont live till 2007
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:46:16 PM): its the word
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:46:25 PM): dont get shocked
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:46:30 PM): ask for his mercy
ron_blessedone (8/16/2006 8:46:44 PM): i said this because i dont want to loose ur soul                                                          

People like this sometimes cause me to thiabout things because they start to believe that they are a messenger and can do something to an innocent person. I also believe in the Scriptures and I will never take it to the level of telling people things such as this. The internet has become a haven for many odd things now this......

Well today's blog is short and I will write more tomorrow today has been a hectic day so I am burnt out. Hope to chat with my friends tonight.

Love Jasmine

Well alot of people are asking about a trip to Connections in Louisville,Kentucky. I do plan to go there but this time I will not be going through the ordeals of getting a road trip. The last two I had so many cancellations it was not worth the time nor effort. I also want to talk about life for a minute. Asmost of you all know I have always had an open story about me in these blogs.

Last night a friend well I thought was one made me feel like crap. She told me that I should go out and learn to play. I had told her the most intimate parts of my life from being raped to almost killed at a club. From having alot to being homeless at one point. Now that I have my life moving in a postiive direction she tells me to go out there and have fun. That I need to learn how to do BJ's and let others into my world. I told her that when I was raped I was forced to give oral pleasures to 5 men at the age of 10 and to this day that is something I would never do again but I guess when you confide in someone it better be someone who is actually listening.

I know there are some of the people that I talk to that can see the pain in this girls eyes from the hard life that I had. For those of you I appreciate you in more ways then you can imagine. For the haters out there who attack a person without knowing them I have a few chosen words for you but am to lady like to say it out loud. Especially the ones who have no face pics on their profile and have the nerve to criticize other girls. I do not have a problem with a person making a comment about me but do it in private not where everyone is chatting. Not only is that rude it shows me that you have no class.

I have been out for a long time now and have come across some of the most beautiful tgirls around and some that are not. I treat them equally because we are all sisters and its about sharing and caring for one another that matters. I am starting to see where it is the ones that are labeled cd's are the ones that attack most of the people in these chat rooms. That is because they are closeted and just like to play or get turned on by the dressing. Unlike the TG's that dress because it is a part of our life and we chose to live as females. It takes alot of work to get the look that we are happy with and at times (yes) we do a crappy job of makeup or combinations that don't work. Instead of taking pop shots how about sharing ideas or making a pleasant suggestion. It is hard for us already cause we do go out in public and do alot of things in our life that most of the cds don't. We go shopping, dining and out dressed femme. The public can be very demeaning to us girls but what hurts us most is when people in out community do the same. At that I will drop this subject.

Now to another situation there are alot of rumors going around about me and my love life. Now things that revolve around me and just me I am not one to hide behind. When it comes to a relationship with someone else I will not say anything about that because that affects someone else. If you want to know about that just ask me in private no in public, dont make assumptions because as it stands now I guess I have 10 people I am involved with according to others assumptions. When the time is right and I am ready to openly admit where my life is heading then and only then will I admit to it. And that is if the other person is okay with it also. To the two people that did send me Im's last night about messing around with a married person and how slutty am I. You do not know me that well for if you did! That would never had come out of your mouth. I also have written many blogs on my takes of relationships and the sacred vows of matrimony.  In addition a slut would be someone who sleeps around with anyone that is something I am totally dead set against with the STD's we have today you would have to be a fool to play these days. I am clean and disease free and I am going to stay that way.

I had hit rock bottom in the past but I will never do anything to jeapordize my health for a moment of pleasure. Take in consideration that I am also on hormones and that changes your sexual appetite very much. I am only looking for someone to love me for me with the knowledge of my going through total transitioning. I do not plan to be a Pre-Op forever I will get SRS and be Post-Op so that is why it is difficult for me to be intimate at times. I am not comfortable at this time sharing my body because of the one piece of the puzzle that is still attached. My life is passing by more and more every minute and I have no time to play games only thing I am going to say about my love life is this.

I am only looking for love with someone who can make me feel like the woman I am. One who can make my smile rush to my face despite all the pain that I had encountered in my life. One with similar interests Oh My God they killed Kenny (lol). Doesn't have to be a yankee fan but dammit get me a beer when I am watching them play (giggles). One that can devote their time with me with out interruptions. For I have nothing that can keep me from them in times of need and this is what I deserve in return. I am a simple person not looking for a sugar daddy or sugar mommie. I will be happy in an one bedroom apartment or wherever we chose to live as long as we are in love that is all that matters. One who can be there for me when I do make my transition and can hold my hands during the pain of going through it. One that knows that I am devoted and not question me about things for I have a good head on my shoulders and know right from wrong. A person that will accept me for being Jasmine and not a sexual partner but an equal partner. When I do commit to someone it is a total comittment. I have only been with three Tg's in my total time out and never did I ever hurt any of them. In fact I had my heart broken in every relationship. I can not help if I have a womanly point of view but I just want to be a woman for my love. So this person must understand the serious nature of this and not try to change my mind to keep my clitty. That is a part that must go. If you want that I can by the same size strap on and fill you with that but mine is not for topping anymore. I am a woman hear me roar giggles. Once again my life is an open book and I am the Author and only the Author will write the final words and then the book is closed. All that it is needed to say is I am not getting any younger and I want to move on quickly before I get to old. Age takes its toll on all of us and I want to be a woman before its to late. All that I have to say to all the assumptions is that no Prince is not one of them lol.

Love and Kisses

Jasmine