The thought of turning 37 on August 29 scares me for some reason.  Probably because it brings me closer to the age of 40 and after that it’s all downhill in my mind.  Now I am too old to be anything else, but who I’ve already become.  My thoughts focus mostly on whether or not I have accomplished what a person should at my age and also if I have been a good person in this life.  I believe that everyone's life is mapped out for them from their birth and that their fate is predisposed and nothing that we do will ever change that.  We are born to be who we are, irregardless.  Many people may disagree with that school of thought and follow the belief that if you want to change who you are you can do it with sheer will and determination. Sure, maybe that works if you no longer want to be a practicing alcoholic or something, but you can never change your soul or spirit---that which makes up your character and leads you on your path of righteousness.  I believe I have been a sinner more than a saint in this life, but I have made the best attempts to be kind to others regardless of whom they are or where they have been. I have not always been nice, but in those moments I feel that my actions were justified.

I served my country in the USN when I was younger and I have gotten an education that I think everyone deserves.  That education I paid for on my own ticket--not mommy and daddy’s.  Surprisingly enough I have earned both bachelors and masters degrees when I barely graduated from high school.  The point in getting a college education for me was to prove that I wasn’t a failure and that I was intellectually capable of earning those degrees and pushing my limits in the world of academia.  I did it for me and no one else--not even to get a better job. 

I have one child that I have raised alone since he was just over a year old.  I am not a perfect parent, but I try to treat my son with the decency and respect that all human beings deserve irregardless of their age or stature in the community.  I believe that my best asset in my relationship with my son is our ability to communicate.  I do not yell at him to solve problems, I work them out through constructive discussions.  I pray that this will serve me well as my son enters his challenging teen years.  Although I cannot expect complete honesty from my son, I hope it will level our playing field.  All I ask is that he grow to be a decent human being that cares for others and does not get sucked into the evils of society, but instead makes decisions based on what he believes in and what I have passed on to him as a loving parent.  All I will have left to give him is the advice from my life experiences.  I pray that he uses it well. 

Where I would not want him to follow me is to the dark side.  Where I have sinned and can only hope to be forgiven by some higher power that I may decide to believe in during my final hours on this Earth.  Those of you who are close to me and who I knew could stomach the stories about the demons I struggle with know I need not say more.  The longer I know others, the more I will share as I become comfortable with my relationship with you. 

I have lost dear friends that I loved deeply and those deaths still haunt me, I have had my share of bad relationships, I have hurt, I have cried, but I have also had countless moments of happiness that I will always cherish (It will be interesting to see how many of you delete me after reading this.).  I have seen more in my 37 years on this Earth than many will see in a lifetime.  The strangest part about that is that I am thankful for all that I have seen--the good and the bad.  For I have learned many lessons that I can share with others.  In some ways I believe it makes me a teacher of sorts.  Why might you ask????  Because I have been able to carry so many people that I have met in my life through their struggles having been there myself and I never leave someone alone when it is thier time to suffer or to celebrate. 

So, maybe that is my destiny.  To be just who I am---a person who has sang many sad songs and many beautiful ones as well, but they have allowed me to wrap my arms around all those that I have crossed paths with---be it on the internet or in person and hopefully give them some kind of love that I could not always give myself. 

I still have many dreams for my life.  They just might come true.  Only my fate and destiny know the answer to those questions.  I just pray that I can look back on my life and say that it was great and that people will remember me not for what material possessions I had, but instead the kind of person I was.

Recently I discovered myspace.com. I didn’t really think I would get that engrossed in to the whole thing, but it just became so addicting. Of course I love Yahoo 360, but myspace allows you to do so many creative things that you are unable to do on 360. I honestly thought that myspace was really a tween and twenty something gig and that I would not find many people my age on there, but much to my surprise I am meeting quite a lot of people. It’s also actually a bonus if you are single and wanting to meet people. It’s almost like a free dating service--just a little note for any of you single people out there. I guess I find it to be a 50/50 split between the two. I think the one thing that I like about myspace hands down over 360 is that they control the sexual content much more. I know my space gets a bad wrap in the news for a lot of stuff, but have any of you guys seen the porn on here???? Some of it is a little bit over the top for me. Anyway, I figured I should write a blog since I hadn’t done so in a while. I hope all is well with everyone!!! Peace!!!

Alec decided that he was going to take a dump tonight at about 11:30 p.m.  I couldn’t get to sleep, so Alec calls to me from the bathroom and starts having this conversation with me from across the hall while he is on the toilet. 

Alec asks me...”what it is called when people go to a place and chant and hold signs, Mom?”  I responded by saying…”I don’t know, is it church?"  Obviously I am not much of a church goer if I can only come up with a stupid answer like that.  Alec says...”no Mom, I think it is called a protest.”   I was like gosh he is pretty smart and I said…”yes Alec, you are right—it’s called a protest.”

Alec goes on to tell me that cupcakes and other baked goods are no longer going to be allowed at school next year for some unknown reason. My guess is that it is probably for some goofy reason like food poising fears.  It makes me wonder how I have managed to live all these years ignoring so many of these oh so important safety precautions.

In response to this horrid new rule, Alec and his class made up signs and had a protest over the cupcake ban.  This does not surprise me at all--considering his teacher from last year (bless his heart) looks like he just stepped out of a hippie commune.  Apparently, the whole class made up signs that read...”Say No to Denying Cupcakes!”   After completing their signs they all paraded down to the principal’s office as part of their protest march.  Apparently one of Alec’s classmates was so upset that he hit the principal with his sign.  I found the whole story to be pretty hysterical—to say the least and I was practically in tears laughing.

The moral of this story is…we spend a lot of time trying to teach our children about the world around them and hope that they will become good citizens.  I think that it was a great learning experience for Alec to be part of a protest.  But, if this story has taught me anything—it would be to let Alec know that most people read magazines while they are on the toilet!