Well if you were wondering about why I haven't written anything in a long time, or were worried or anything, don't worry I'm good just very busy.

What am I busy with? well 18 credits at school plus all the studying, plus 45 plus hours at work between friday and monday + drill once a month + additional fueling missions.

Not only that but I tend to feel as though I'm walking through a mine field. Life has a tendency of leaving me with a bloody mess to deal with one after another after another. I lost a friend of mine recently, he died of Cancer. I had some computer issues as well. I have been trying very hard to become closer with people that I know, and make new friends. I am in constant struggle witht this, and not being with people often enough. I wanna be a happier person than I am currently. I've started seeing a counselor. I've realized that I can no longer face everything so much on my own. I'm troubled about my job, I need to leave and find something that works for me better. I have a lot to offer, and need to move ahead in my career goals. I have some friends that are going through stuff that are always leaning on me, which is often taxing.

There's a bunch more. This just scratches the surface.

I'm doing good though. Just trying to figure some things out. I have a lot ahead of me and my eyes are on the prize so to speak. I apologize for leaving everyone out so much. My friends are very important to me. I hope you know that.

Thanks

"B"

Wow, it's been a while since I wrote

Wow, so much has happened to

Wow, I feel a little bad about what I wrote about last time

Wow, I think I screwed up something that could be great

Wow, I hope you forgive me

Wow, I hope nothing has changed between us

Wow, I hope I don't end up regretting this forever

I'm someone who believes in keeping your word. If you don't keep your word, the odds of me trusting in you, believing in you, and feeling a connection with you are slim. I can't ignore my past. I am faced daily with the present. Time marches on, and our experiences either bulster us, or hinder us. I'm often finding myself struggling with old demons. I'm told to think positively, by too many people who never walked in my shoes. I'm told by people that adopt ways to forget but never face their demons. I don't judge. I just do what I think is best for me, and offer a path for others to follow if they choose.
I'm writing this because I'm hurting. I feel alone in this world with the exception of few true friends. I have one person in my life that knows me best, and I know will be with me forever no matter what. The rest of those that have touched my life, good or bad, i'm hopeful, but not reassured. I'm tired; of holding my breathe, wishing for a better chance, a better position, better people, to get what I give in return. I'm tired of feeling used. I'm tired of being hurt. I expect nothing, but find myself with less then I started. Living life in a deficit is hard on the heart. I feel I grow older, faster than the day before. My youth is being sucked out of me faster than I can bare.
I'm at a loss for words far too often. I'm in disbelief of what's been said or done, to me, or those around me. I'm sick of being without a good explanation. I can take a lot if I understand the context of it. But lately there's just no reason. I don't know what to say anymore. I'm an alien in my own life, my own universe.

So yeah my baby is hotter than her!!! :)

lol I swear I never thought I'd say that about someone but it's true!!! :)

And her ass is way better than Vida Guerrerra's!!! :)

Don't think I spelled that right but hey you know who I'm talking about!!

I'm so freekin happy I can't stand it!

        I'm over my stupid cold, and I'm thinking I'm permanently out of my funk that I get in from time to time. Who knew! Finding a freaking rocking chick that diggs me hard core for me really did the trick!!! :)

    So0......back to chilling out at home. This was the first weekend I started working a shift that wasn't an assed out overnight shift. It was nice......and.....my body is thanking the fuck out of me. 2 years of that shit, no thanks, no more. Next I'm gonna get a job closer to what I want to be doing for my future, because right now it's looking really good for me. Also probably closer to home.

    I finally found someone that I can be with for real, no bullshit! Plus!! I'm waking up to the fact that I've got a lot of promise, I mean I pretty much new that my stubborn ass will get where I want to go eventually, but I'm thinking clearer than I have in years. I got the wheels really turning in my head and I'm starting to see a faster route to get where I want to be, and am heading that way now. There aint' shit that I can't do if I set myself in that mode. So it's gonna happen. I'm gonna be happy along the way too, cause things are really looking good for me and my girl.

Sivan you're so fucking amazing! You put the light on for me. My world is so much brighter now. No joke. :)  L Bri