Offline IMTake time to smell the roses, even if they make you sneeze!
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Hi ALL...this is all about me my new life with family, and making new friends. Wanna share a bit of yourself with me????
- The Why's of Men
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The Why's of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face andlaughter in your
heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!
One for the ladies.......
One day my housework-challenged hu sband decided to wash his
sweat-shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What
setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' Universityof Oklahoma .'
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out
of
the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed
the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience
for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to
death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys w hine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Renam e the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
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Send this to at leastfive bright,funny women you know and maketheir
day!
And send this to five bright men whohave enough sense of humor to
takeit!Monday June 9, 2008 - 01:23pm (CDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - this is too funny
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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should
keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later
who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person
FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that
Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to
mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
truck
-- Ricky, age 10Thursday June 7, 2007 - 01:42pm (CDT) Permanent Link | 1 Comment - Love is patient
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never failsMonday June 4, 2007 - 04:25pm (CDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - My feelings
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The lady i Love so much is ready to move out of my life and that is very depressing. she deserve so much more then i can offer living so far away for the last two years she meant the world to me.
I really dont know how i can move on she was my life. i didnt sleep well last night cuz all i have been thinking was her that how much she means to me Well i guess its time to move on if you say so Why does it hurt so much to love someone so much and then watch them leave i feel a piece of my heart was take and that very DepressingMonday June 4, 2007 - 11:10am (CDT) Permanent Link | 2 Comments - Crone wisdom ~ thx whispr
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All you have to do is to understand that you love the self and the self loves you, and that the sense "I am" is the link between you both, a token of identity in spite of apparent diversity.
Look at the "I am" as a sign of love between the inner and the outer,
the real and the appearance.
Just like in a dream all is different, except the sense of "I",
which enables you to say "I dreamt",
so does the sense of "I am" enables you to say "I am my real Self again.
I do nothing, nor is anything done to me.
I am what I am and nothing can affect me.
I appear to depend on everything, but in fact all depends on me."Friday April 27, 2007 - 01:33pm (CDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments