As you can tell I'm keeping more of an update on my blog. I guess it's because I have more time to do things now that I'm home and seem to be back to my old routine of hiding in my room. But at least this time, I'm hiding in my room and playing on my computer.

I make myself do some exercise every day though. Whether it's 30 minutes on the treadmill, or raking up leaves that my husband has piled up in the back corner of the yard for the past 2-4 years. I'm trying to get that mess cleaned.

I really don't know what's going to happen quicker. Me getting the leaves clean, or the demise of my marriage. My daughter is really trying to break up my marriage to her father. I don't know why, but she has hated the idea that we got remarried last year.

Anyways today is a down day. I don't have too many of them lately, but I've been fighting w/my daughter (she's 11) and it's put me in a funk today. Most of my down days consist of me spend the majority of my time cooped up in my small bathroom having an anxiety attack and hyperventilating w/chest pains and crying. But my doctors pretty much fixed that.

A few months ago, we had a really bad fight, followed by a not so bad fight w/the hubby and I tried to OD on some painkillers (I have fibromyalgia - so I have lots and lots of painkillers). I took enough to kill a horse, but actually survived.

I survived but spent a week in a facility for people who are not safe to themselves. So I'm on mood stabilizers, so I don't really have down days. But I still feel like disappearing. So maybe the mood stabilizers aren't working too well?

I will be trying to update this blog a lot more frequently than every 18 months. I KNOW, I KNOW, that got even a bit too long for me to do. Anyways, I hope everyone is doing great. Kiddos are fine. I am thinking about getting a little thing called a passport and moving my little ass to Mexico on a permanent basis.

I am thinking about forgetting about the fibro, the bi-polar crap and fulfilling my lifelong dream of going to work for the great rum corporations by testing their products by laying on a beach and drinking their concoctions until I pass the heck out.

It sure as heck would make life a lot less complicated. Anyone want to join me when I go???

Oh my Goodness it is now June 2007 and I have not posted anything since 2006 and I am talking early 2006. That's pretty bad.

Well I didn't get my degree. My fibro flared to the point to where I didn't go to work, didn't go to school and didn't do anything. The only thing I did manage to do was remarry my ex-husband. He has been very supportive.

Since that time, I've lost my job. My FMLA ran out. I tried to stay in school, but grew depressed because I had some major problems with my daughter. She tried to run away from home. Actually she successfully ran away from home, but she was in a T-shirt and her panties only and this was a week before Christmas when she was 9. This kinda cause my final crash before I quit doing anything. She's safe though. Back at home but hardheaded as hell. She's now 11.

I am now a stay at home wife. I take care of things at home, but not too terribly much because of my fibro. I got extremely depressed a few months ago and attempted suicide. Needless to say THIS WAS NOT A SMART THING TO DO. I wound up spending more than a fun filled week at a local mental institution where I was overmedicated by some nutso Psychaitrist who kept getting me confused with another patient. The bad thing is, that the confusion shows up in my medical record. The other patient was a young black woman whose husband was serving in Iraq and had just returned home from service and she couldn't cope, I'm half asian and my husband had never been to Iraq. I kept trying to get them to change it once I got a copy of my medical record, but the Dr. refused by saying the inaccuracies were immaterial. Anyways I filed a letter showing the innacuracies and they had to include it to my record.

Once I came home, I was having hallucinations of all sorts including the cast of the Full Monty crashing in my living room. Little animals tripping me, flying denizens trying to chop my head off amongst other things. This was not good. I also found out that I am allergic to anti-depressants and that is what actually caused my suicide attempt. It also means that I'm Bi-Polar.

Things are so much better now. I am in a much better place. Life is good. I am trying to live each day to its fullest and I am trying to cope with the fact I am probably going to be on medication for the rest of my life for a disorder that I do not understand. But at least I can now understand why I have so many skeletons in my closets.

Well It's the weekend once again.  All I can say is that I worked 1 whole day last week (due to my fibro) and now I'm off for two days.  Sometimes I love the not working thing, but the no pay thing really bothers me.

I don't have much planned for the weekend.  Just studying, and listening to Beth Ashton practice her role for the church play.  She has the whole thing memorized, and is excited about it.  J on the other hand, has been acting up during rehersals, so I'm not even sure if he's going to be in the play.

I may go and try to play some racquetball this weekend.   I'm supposed to go to a Xmas party tonight, but I haven't slept for 2 days, and I am sooo tired, that I may skip it. 

On another note, Lucy is probably preggers.  Meaning we will have little furballs running around the house in about 2 months.