Within the past few weeks I received distressing and sad emails from two friends, Serena and Bren, two women whose friendship means the world to me. They are both suffering personal times of challenge and crisis.

To Serena and Bren,

I wish that I could be with you in your time of need, to comfort you and hopefully to lessen your burdens. All I can do is to hope and pray for your comfort in this, your time pf personal need. Please accept my best wishes and good karma for whatever the future may hold for all of us.

I am always here for you.

Your friend...................................Terri

I have been depressed for awhile now. How do I know it's not just a case of having the blues or just temporarily feeling down? Well, I am typically pretty upbeat and friendly and positive about things but others in my life have recognized changes in me and brought them to my attention. So, being the queen of research and the duchess of detectives, I went looking for information, and here it is---a list of 13 well recognized symptoms of depression. I studied the list and I'll admit to having 10 of the symptoms. ---NOT GOOD!

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION----Sad, depressed, or "empty" mood--- Loss of interest or pleasure in ordinary activities--- Decrease in sexual drive--- Sleep disturbances (insomnia, early-morning awakening, oversleeping)--- Eating disturbances (appetite and/or weight loss or gain)--- Decreased energy, fatigue--- Feelings of pessimism, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness--- Thought of death or suicide, suicide attempts--- Activity level slows down or increases--- Diminished ability to think and/or concentrate--- Increased irritability--- Social isolation--- Increased use of alcohol or other drugs

All other alternatives aside, I have made the choice to take steps to get treatment and some guidance and I will put forth my best effort to overcome this illness. I am not one to preach but if you have been suffering from depression, do the right thing for yourself and seek some help. I know how difficult it is and I know how crappy it feels to feel this way. I am here for any of you who may need a friend or a little moral support to face your fears and problems. If I can help you at all, please write me or IM me.......terri_stylin847@yahoo.com

I can direct you to some helpful web sites....Here is one I like:

http://www.undoingdepression.com/index.html

I wish you well. I am your friend and I am here for you...........Terri Thomas

Six Simple Steps to Help Fight Depression

From Dr. Richard O’Connor http://www.undoingdepression.com/

• Get help. Don't be ashamed of needing medication, and don't give up until you find something that helps. And see a therapist.

• Identify your feelings and moods. Depression is a self-destructive effort to avoid feeling. Accept that emotions are natural and helpful. Learn that mood changes don't come "out of the blue" — they are always started by an event, a memory, a dream. Use the Mood Journal to identify what starts your mood changes.

• Challenge depressed thinking. People with depression remember and blame themselves for bad events, while they forget about and give others credit for good events. Their low expectations mean they often don't prepare adequately and give up too easily. Worst, they think they are essentially different — damaged somehow — from other people. These are all learned habits of thought that can be unlearned. Pay attention to your assumptions and beliefs.

• Let others know. Depressives fear intimacy more than most people. We put on masks for the world, because we believe our true selves to be shameful, unworthy. But this belief is wrong. When we're with someone we can trust, sharing our thoughts and feelings — even if they seem unimportant — is good for us.

• Take care of your self. Learn to pay attention to messages from your body. Depressives abuse themselves by not eating right, not exercising, then expecting to work 12 hours straight. They will deny a minor ache or pain until they have an ulcer or a chronic back condition. Take time for moderate exercise, eat healthy but delicious meals, and allow yourself some pleasure in life.

• Practice detachment. We spend far too much time and effort trying to control things that aren't worth the struggle. Many things that worry us are really unimportant; we've just gotten over involved and lost our bearings. We may find that we're trying to change things that we realistically cannot change. Instead of battering your head against a brick wall, learn to walk away.

Learn How To Be Happy

Our brain does not simply store our experiences. Each experience changes the brain — structurally, electrically, chemically. The brain becomes the experience. In order to break free from the stress cycle, we need to feed our brains and bodies with experiences of mastery, creativity, and joy. Our minds — the way we think about things — have tremendous power to help us rebuild and rewire our brains, power that we too often ignore or use self-destructively. But we can use that power constructively, to build autonomy, competence, and relatedness, and help ourselves step off the stress cycle forever.

Hello All........I have had some recent conversations with friends and I am prompted to share some ideas about self-esteem. I'm not an expert at this but I have done some research in an attempt to help my friends feel better........Guess what......While digging into this I learned some things about myself. Maybe you will, too. Anyway....Here goes......

Low self-esteem as a illness

Low self-esteem meets the criteria for an illness or disease because:

Low self-esteem is uncontrollable in nature: People with low self-esteem feel insecure. They are not sure what normal is, and they are not comfortable with themselves or with others. They are experiencing behavior over which they have no control, just as a person with cancer has no control over the cancer. This uncontrollable nature of the behavior makes it an illness; therefore, the behavior is "sick'' behavior.

Symptoms of low self-esteem have commonality and predictability: There is a commonality between people who behave this way based on their families of origin or current relationships, and there is a degree of predictability surrounding these behavior patterns. Commonality and predictability of the symptom behavior make it an illness and a condition to be treated as such.

Low self-esteem's life cycle is describable: There is a describable and predicable pattern of the life cycle in persons with this condition. This pattern of life cycle makes it understandable as an illness or a disease, just like heart disease or cancer.

Low self-esteem is related to other diseases: One of the negative side effects of low self-esteem is that its victims often suffer high stress illnesses, such as ulcers, colitis, high blood pressure, heart disease, and cancer. Because there are other diseases related to this behavior, it fits the definition of an illness or disease.

Low self-esteem can be treated: There are definite treatment modalities, which, if applied, can lessen the symptomatology of these problems. Because it is susceptible to amelioration by an applied treatment, it fits the definition of an illness or disease.

Transgenerational transmission of low self-esteem: Low self-esteem as a state or being can be handed down and transmitted across generations. The ability to cross generations makes this an illness or disease that is highly contagious.

Low self-esteem is described in terms of severity of condition: This condition can be described in terms of degree of severity, just as a physical illness or disease. This is another reason why it is described and treated as an illness or disease.

Some conditions of low self-esteem are resistant to treatment: Certain strains of low self-esteem can be resistant to treatment or amelioration and, as such, require more dramatic interventions. Because these behaviors are not always amenable to a stereotyped treatment, it is an illness requiring an individualized approach to treatment.

Low self-esteem is a progressive condition: There is a course in the history of the illness from (1) incubation, (2) acute stage, (3) chronic state, (4) expiration. Because there is a progressive nature to this condition it fits into the illness or disease model for consideration, discussion, and treatment planning.

Low self-esteem can be a terminal condition, resulting in death through suicide, murder, accident, alcoholism, drug abuse, food disorder, heart disease, cancer, stroke, or some other form of physical breakdown. Because it can be terminal, it fits the description of an illness or disease.

Negative consequences of low self-esteem

Some of the negative consequences of low self-esteem are:

· Insecurity about who you are and lack of belief in yourself

· Inability to open yourself to others and inability to trust others

· Inability to make decisions because of confusion and fear of making a mistake or of disappointing others

· Anxiety in the face of the need to change and the fear of change

· Inability to have spontaneous fun or the inability to play for relaxation and pleasure

· Problems in establishing intimacy with others and problems in interpersonal relationships

· Lack of objectivity and openness to a variety of alternatives in decision making, and a tendency to resort to "black and white'' judgments

· Problems in handling anger, either by denying its impact on one's life or by not being able to control it, thereby experiencing chronic hostility

· Chronically affected by the need for approval and acceptance by others; affected by the fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, and disapproval

· Excessive use of masks to hide true feelings; the use of exaggeration and lies in order to avoid conflict or disagreements

· Inability to take direction from or to be controlled by others, rather to seek to control self and manage or direct others

· Chronic seeking out of others for whom one can feel responsible

· Inability to feel like one has done "good enough'' on the job or at home; a tendency to be a workaholic

· Inability to say one deserves "good things'' in one's life; a tendency to always place self last

· Chronic sense of depression, discomfort, or inadequacy

· Chronic sense of feeling different from others; keeping away and isolating oneself from others

· Inability to reward oneself for one's own goodness and accomplishments

· Addiction to novelty, challenge, differences, risks, thrills

· Addictive or compulsive behavior. e.g., alcoholism, chemical dependency, food, gambling, sex, excitement, money, shopping, smoking

· Being overly serious, unable to see humor in one's plight as a human being

· An overriding sense of guilt and inadequacy

· Inability to forgive and to forget past harms and hurts from others

· Meeting others with similar problems and matching up with them in relationships

· Inability to let go of problems, such as fear, guilt, anger, or other negative aspects in one's life

· Inability to tune into one's own feelings, but usually able to identify and to be sensitive to the feelings of others

· Inability to face one's problems and the need to change, a tendency to use denial

· Overreacting to things and acting impulsively, often getting oneself into problem situations which need lots of work to straighten out

· Can be meticulous, fastidious, over demanding, and perfectionistic; or can be slovenly, lackadaisical, and irresponsible

· Can become frustrated when realizing the magnitude of problems and the immensity of effort required to solve them

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Here are some helpful links.....

http://www.hinduwebsite.com/selfdevt/selfesteem.asp

http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/self-esteem.html

http://www.coping.org/growth/esteem.htm

http://www.icongrouponline.com/health/Low_Self-Esteem_Ph.html

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/depressionwithhope/

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