For Those Who Cannot Understand King James verison

Sometimes you have to get the message across
as best we can. Try this for those who can't
understand the King James Version:



1. I'm God. Don't play me.
(I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any
other gods before me.)

2. Don't be makin no hood ornaments

(Thou shalt not! have any graven images)





3. Don\'t be callin\' me for no reason
(Thou shalt not use the name of the
Lord thy God in vain)





4. Y\'all betta be in church on Sunday,
and not just the Sundays when
it\'s Mother\'s day, Easter
and Christmas
(Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy)





5. Don\'t dis or cuss out yo momma...
and if you know who ya daddy
is, don\'t dis him neither.
(Honor thy father and thy mother)





6. Don\'t be goin\' on no drive bys.
(Thou shalt not kill)

7. Stick to ya own Boo.
(Thou shalt not commit adultery)

8. Don\'t be borrow\'n stuff and
don\'t give it back.
(Thou shalt not steal)





9. Don\'t be snitchin\' on the otha\'
man to save your behind.
(Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother)

10. Don\'t be eyein\' (skeeming) yo
homie\'s crib, ride, woman,
or nuffin.
(Thou shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy brother).






________________________________
and charms outta me, or like me.
(Thou shalt not! have any graven images)





3. Don't be callin' me for no reason
(Thou shalt not use the name of the
Lord thy God in vain)





4. Y'all betta be in church on Sunday,
and not just the Sundays when
it's Mother's day, Easter
and Christmas
(Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy)





5. Don't dis or cuss out yo momma...
and if you know who ya daddy
is, don't dis him neither.
(Honor thy father and thy mother)





6. Don't be goin' on no drive bys.
(Thou shalt not kill)

7. Stick to ya own Boo.
(Thou shalt not commit adultery)

8. Don't be borrow'n stuff and
don't give it back.
(Thou shalt not steal)





9. Don't be snitchin' on the otha'
man to save your behind.
(Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother)

10. Don't be eyein' (skeeming) yo
homie's crib, ride, woman,
or nuffin.
(Thou shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy brother).






________________________________


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________________________________

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CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees
and.....

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open
Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm
Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the
froggy -can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells,
Jingle Bells

True "Help Desk" Story

This is a true story from a software helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the organization for "Termination without Cause."  This is the actual dialogue of a former customer.

Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations) starts here:

Employee--"Computer Assistance; may I help you?"

Customer--"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my word processor."

Employee--"What sort of trouble?"  Customer--"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Employee--"Went away?"  Customer--"They disappeared."

Employee--"Hmmm So what does your screen look like now?"  Customer--"Nothing."

Employee--"Nothing?"  Customer--"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."

Employee--"Are you still in the program, or did you get out?"  Customer--"How do I tell?"

Employee--"Can you see the 'C:' prompt on the screen?"  Customer--"What is a sea prompt?"

Employee--"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"  Customer--"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Employee--"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"  Customer--"What's a monitor?"

Employee--"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.  Does it have little light that tells you when it's on?"  Customer--"I don't know."

Employee--"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"  Customer--"Yes, I think so."

Employee--"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."  Customer--"Yes, it is."

Employee--"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"  Customer--"No."

Employee--"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."  Customer--"Okay, here it is."

Employee--"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."  Customer--"I can't reach."

Employee--"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"  Customer--"No."

Employee--"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"  Customer--"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."

Empployee--"Dark?"  Customer--"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Employee--"Well, turn on the office light then."  Customer--"I can't."

Employee--"No? Why not?"  Customer--"Because there's a power failure."

Employee--"A power... a power failure?...  Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"  Customer--"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Employee--"Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.  Then take it back to the store you bought it from".

Customer--"Really? Is it that bad?"

Employee--"Yes, I'm afraid it is."  Customer--"Well, all right then, I suppose.  What do I tell them?"

Employee--"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer...