Well, I have gotten the results back from 10mg/week of Estriodol Valerate injections for 6 weeks. My estriodol was almost 1800!!! So I guess it is time to stop taking my shots for a couple weeks and start back at 10mg every 2 weeks. It's funny because everything the doctors wanted me to do never got my estriodol over 200. And they keep fighting to deny me having EV IM. So know we know who was right!

So since January, my last living grandparent died as well as my uncle. My parents are holding true to their word. Both times they phoned to tell me they died and that I was not allowed at their funerals. All I could do is my own private mourn sessions and be done with it.

My ex is still fighting my access to my son. It has been over $2000. in lawyer fees already and I expect it is going to be a lot more because I am pretty sure this issue is going to go to court. It has been a long slow process and I expect it to goon for a while, I'll keep everyone informed as things happen.

Well I just started taking estriadol valerate by injection. I am quite excited to see how things go with my new medication. Terry was quite thrilled with getting the opportunity to shove a needle in my ass. So there I was laying on the bed, a needle in my ass and a dog licking the other side of my ass. It would have been quite the picture.

On another note, my partners daughter just got married last weekend. I was told I can't attend because they didn't want their wedding turned into a freak show. So she went to the wedding and I went to the lounge to wait for her. She was hoping to get away early and join me, but I ended up drinking in there for 4 hours before everything was over and we went back to the hotel room. It was a very disappointing evening for both of us to not be together.

The next day though we went to the outdoor hot springs. It was wierd to be in a swimming pool filled with hot spring water from the mountains at -25 Celcuis outside. You get a nice warm soothing body with frost on your hair. The pony tail that dipped into the water later frozen solid. The BEST part of the event is I changed in the woman's change room and nobody seemed to care. It felt great to be allowed into such a sacred place for women and be accepted there.

There has been no change with my family, they still do not want to have anything to do with me. My last living grandparent died earlier this month. My parents phoned me long enough to tell me and to ensure I wasn't going to be at the funeral. Other than that things are going great at work and everyone completely accepts my transition.

Things have not been going well lately. One day at work I found myself with an important looming deadline, problems with the data and all I could do is stare at the computer screen and do nothing. Life finally became too much and I just shut down, that was it, that was all I could take, that was all I could do.

My ex has been using our 5 year old son against me. She is influencing and confusing him about me. She filed for divorce, which is no big deal as we have been separated almost 4 years, but she is limiting how much I can see him and wanting $900. a month in child support, plus I have to pay for the divorce. I can't pick him up from the daycare, I can't go to his soccer games, I can't go to his Christmas concert, I can't see him in the evenings during the week. That day my son phoned me 3 times at work to tell me he didn't want to come over to my place that weekend. Since I only get to see him 4 days a month as it is, to me he was saying he didn't want to see me, he didn't love me anymore. Then my ex, her lawyer, me an my lawyer sat down to try to sort out the issues to make things better for my access to see him. She continued throwing hatred and discriminating comments about my transition for 1.5 hours. It became very clear that my son's confusion and him not wanting to see me is originating from where he lives. To make a long story only slightly shorter, access was to be determined after 6 months of counseling for my son to make sure my transition is not hurting him, meanwhile my ex continues to use him against me, hurting me. My gender psych has put me on anti-depressants because of this, but I still continue to have days where I shut down completely.

I have been fighting with the doctors and endocrinologists to prescribe me a decent hormone. We have tried premarin, estrace, patches, 17B drops, but they will not prescribe any doses high enough to develop enough secondary female characteristics. So I have finally decided to hell with them and I am just going to order EV injections off the internet. I am done fighting with everyone, my doctors, my ex.

I have also been considering SRS. I haven't made a final decision yet, but I have realized I have days where I would like the surgery and days I am not sure, but I have not had any days were I thought I didn't want it. If I do, it will be done in Montreal. My main concerns are mostly the same as most people and are not major surgery problems. I am worried about sensitivity afterwords, will I be able to orgasm. Of course I am worried about if I am making the right decision. One of my other concerns is that I have never had surgery before, I have never been put under, I have never even broken a bone.

Anyway that has been my life lately, I am still alive, I am still here.

Well, a real shocker here. My parents decided they would like to get together with me for my birthday. I haven't seen or heard from them since I transitioned about 5 months ago...not even an email. Supper went ok, the food was great. My dad was the same as he usually is, quiet with the odd zinger thrown in. My transition didn't appear to bother him. My mom on the other hand, wouldn't even look at me except for the quick glimpse once in a while. She also insisted on calling me by my old male name. She spent most of the dinner talking with my Baby, Terry, and wouldn't say much to me. But it is a huge step for them, hopefully they felt things went ok as well. I guess the future will only tell. But I did get a birthday present from them. It was cash because she doesn't know what to buy me. I think it is just an excuse not to buy me guy stuff I wouldn't use and not to buy me girl stuff because she hates me transitioning. Usually she renews my AMA membership as well, but she didn't do that because she doesn't want to admit to my newer female name. But all in all it was a big step for them. Too bad they didn't just take to things because my dad has a truck and knows construction and we are in the middle of demolishing our bathroom.