In my few outings lately I have come to the conclusion that men are really weird. I mean, truly weird. I don’t actually get them anymore – and I have been one for a very long time. They are weird not in how they relate to other men, that I really understand but I mean in how they treat us as women.

I find that I’m now the hunted, not the hunter, and stepping my tentative toe into the perilous seas of the bar/club scene. It’s a game I’ve never played before and, God, is it hard work. I don’t just mean the additional hour and a half to two hours that I need to get ready before I go out, but the whole flirting game. As a guy, I just went for it. It wasn’t hard, actually, just ask a girl about themselves and play down your own achievements and you are off at the races. I used to think I was such a stud-muffin but now I realize it’s because the women I talked to were just so grateful I didn’t regale them with tales of my new company car, how great the local football team is, or admire their breasts at every opportunity. “Yes!” they must have said, “he is wonderful, I’ve been recognized as a human being!” I am now learning to deal with the casual sexuality of being a female, from the second I walk into a bar or club. Actually, I don’t go into most bars or clubs on my own any more, I only go in with my friends or to a place that I know will be friendly.

Just getting out the door for us is really a trial that all men should be required to go through or at least understand. Before I comment on make-up, guys take a walk down the cosmetics isle in your local drugstore and take a real look at the cosmetics that are available and take a close look at the prices. They are out of sight and in addition to the cost of cosmetics, I probably go through a pair of pantyhose every time I venture out and a decent pair costs me about $5.00. God, it was easy as a guy. For the most formal occasions, if you were slow, 15 minutes is about the max time it took from getting out of the shower to getting out the door. You wore a suit that was brown or blue or some combination shades of the two and maybe a tie. If at all possible, you took the tie off. Ever taken a look at the men’s clothing section? It’s a sea of beige, brown, blue and black. The most exciting it gets is two or three buttons on a jacket. Can’t be bothered shaving? Stubble is cool these days. Not so cool for us. I was in a club with a group of unshaven men some time back and got kissed on arrival by them all. I felt like I had washed my face in sandpaper. Guys, it’s extremely uncomfortable for us. I couldn’t imagine kissing them all night. My face would look like I’d rubbed it on the asphalt.

However, for me to get out the door the minimum time I need is about 90 minutes and that is if I am dressing very informally and if I don’t have to shave my legs or other parts of my body to make myself nice and smooth for you guys. My makeup routine consists of first applying false eyelashes which in itself takes a lot of time, effort and restraint to learn to do. Then the first decision to be made is what shade of eye shadow, which of course has to be color coordinated with my dress. Then eye liner is applied. After that I go over my face with a concealer stick hiding all the blemishes that are apparent. I then let that set for a while and then carefully apply my foundation and use powder to set it. While I am waiting for my makeup to set, I apply polish to my nails which in itself is at least a 20 minute procedure. About now it is time to start getting dressed. First items that go on are panties and pantyhose. Then I select a foundation garment, either a girdle or a waist cincher and slip into it. Next I have to remember what dress I decided to wear and select a bra that will go with it. Now, this may sound simple but believe me guys it is not as easy as it sounds. After that I slip in my breast enhancers and check myself out. Depending on what dress I will be wearing, the slip is next. Now it is back to the makeup table to apply blush and then to line my lips. After that I select the right shade of lipstick and apply it. Now there is a critical check in the mirror under a bright light to make certain that everything is in place and looking good. Now it is time to put on the dress that I have selected for the evening. This is where a male would come in handy, to help me zip it up. Why all zippers on women’s dresses are in the back is beyond me but they are. This is followed by putting on jewelry such as necklace, bracelet and rings. Now it is time for the crowning glory and it is just as well that my hair comes out of a box or I would never get out of the door. I have several hair styles and colors to choose from – long or short, light auburn, dark auburn, brunette or blond – it all depends on the dress I have chosen and more importantly how I feel. Believe me guys, each of my wigs gives me a different personality from quiet and sedate to sexy and looking. After I have selected my style I spend the next ten minutes or more brushing it out and styling it. Then on it goes and more brushing and styling. Finally I am almost the girl I want to be but it is time for the most critical check of all and everything must be perfect and looking good. It seems there is always something that has to be corrected, hopefully something simple but some days it requires a complete do-over of some part of my attire or my makeup. Now I am just about ready, I just need to select my shoes and I’ll be almost ready. When a guy selects his shoes it is basically either black or brown and he probably only has one pair of each, however, for me color is only the first part of it. What heel length do I want, do I want open toe, how about sling back, get the idea guys. Now there is one last check and I am ready to go, after I select my purse and transfer everything I need into it. As a guy I carried everything around in pockets – ever seen pockets on a dress, I didn’t think so. So everything goes into the purse and it’s easy to see why purses are so heavy and loaded with items such as cell phone, wallet, keys, makeup and tampons, just to name a few of the items I carry around . This whole process took at a minimum an hour and a half, more likely two hours and sometimes a lot more. And after all of this the average male will have no idea of what I went through to look as good as I do.

And the selection of a dress is a major feat for me. I’ve developed mental register of what dress I wore where because you can’t be seen in the same thing twice, can you? Then there’s the crucial blend thing. You’ve got to consider not only where you are going but also who might potentially be there. Do not try to outdo your girl-friends, they might not like it if you turn up showing an acre of thigh and it’s unlikely you’ll get invited to the next girlie get together. Plus you have to consider the time of day and where you will be going before selecting one. So before I even begin to get ready to go out, it’s an endless critique of wardrobe choices, all of which end up all over the floor as I get more and more desperate, before finally wearing what I chose in the first place. Of course, none of the males I meet will ever notice what I wear, nor care about the effort I have gone to. But then again, I don’t really dress for them, nor for myself actually, it’s all about peer pressure. My girl-friends are not bad at genuine compliments, but they can instantly size up the effort you went through in selecting an outfit in seconds. And the put-downs can be really cutting. My, am I discovering how bitchy women can be.

Bars and clubs have become extremely disappointing. I suppose it doesn’t help that I’ve heard all the lines before and I’ve even done most of them myself. All that guff about stars from the skies being in my eyes just makes me laugh. It’s worse when men start their BS about their past lives. The amount of ex-Special Forces men I’ve met, you would have thought the ex-servicemen’s clubs are over-run with ninja underwater knife-fighting experts and actually most of them have never seen any combat at all. However, as a man, I would have openly called them on their fibs. As a woman, I wouldn’t embarrass them like that out of consideration. It’s really a more complicated game as a woman. Why does every man who comes over to talk with me assume I am looking for a man to have sex with and why do they all act as though as they are the only ones available to provide it. Guys, we are not looking for sex with you but if treated decently and respectably you might stand a chance. I would really love to spend an evening talking and dancing and getting to know you better before we decide where to progress.

Another very big change is that I just talk more, using language as a weapon. And I analyze stuff more too. Men really don’t do that. They are the centre of their own universe, not beset with doubt, always right. Even when I have an argument, I find myself apologizing for saying something I know was right but which I feel terrible about saying. When I was totally male, women used to think I was awfully odd when I offered to “listen to their problems”. Men never talk about their problems to other men – that’s weakness, and Steve McQueen never showed weakness! Now, though, I have a scatter-gun approach to conversation. I know why men can’t deal with women together – they seem to share everything and their chat just goes all over the place, all the time, with much touching and mutual sympathy. Men just seem to suppose you can’t make a decision as a woman on your own. But I can, it just takes me a different road to formulate. They just don’t get it, which is incredibly frustrating as we compromise for them all the time.

Yet I do so enjoy being around men. There is something about their solidity and straight-forwardness that is immensely attractive but at the same time I can’t believe how much of an effort they go through to impress me. They seem to live in such a different world and I still think that men are weird.

I spent the day slowly getting ready to attend the Diablo Valley Girls social in Walnut Creek this evening. At 5:30 I was just about ready but when I put on my dress I noticed that there was a slight problem because the top of the slip showed because the dress was slightly low cut, so it was off to find another slip. After that was fixed, I snagged my pantyhose on something and had to get a new pair to wear. Then I could not seem to get my hair to go right but finally I gave up and accepted the fact that I would have a windblown effect. Wow almost ready, just needed to put on my lipstick and then I was out but I even had a problem with that. Finally everything was ready and I started the 60 mile trip to Walnut Creek. Uneventful drive up I-680 and I found the club quite easily. I was surprised by the large number of girls who turned out, there were about 20 of us there. There was also a very large contingent of guys there but they stayed to themselves and didn't even talk with us all evening. After meeting everyone and chatting for about two hours I decided to leave.

On the way home I decided that I would stop at the Embassy Suites Hotel in Milpitas for a drink. When I walked in there was only one guy at the bar. The male bartender came, took my order, delivered it and decided to chat with me for a while which I certainly didn't mind. After a while two more guys came in but they just talked to the bartender then left. I walked around the hotel for a while, stopped at the front desk and talked to two young girls and then walked around some more, finally ended up in the lounge where I sat for a while and read part of the paper. Several people were in the lounge and several more came in while I was there but no one bothered me. Then I walked around the hotel and ran into the female bartender who was in the bar when I arrived but left immediately. She started up a conversation and talked to me for about ten minutes. Then I asked her if she would take some pictures of me and she agreed. She took me into the restaurant area which was deserted at that time of night and proceeded to take several pictures. Unfortunately, she was not the best photographer and most of the pictures were not very good so I had to discard them. The best of her pictures is the one I used with this blog. When she handed the camera back she said those three little words that really brighten a girls day "you're very pretty". That really made all the time and effort I had gone through worth while and was the perfect end to a perfect day.

I don't know where the time has gone. I haven't had a blog entry since July and yet I have had plenty that I could have written about. I'm really sorry I can't go back and tell you about all the great times I have had but I will relate just this one adventure.

Early in December I had the opportunity to go out again and quite by luck it was on a weekend when my friend Wendy was having her commitment vows with her long time boyfriend Bob. They were planning the ceremony in a town about 5o miles from home and as soon as I learned I was available I called Wendy and told her I would be coming and she surprised me by asking me to be a bridesmaid which I accepted immediately. A couple of weeks before the ceremony Wendy called and told me to met her, the other two bridesmaids and the maid of honor at a local shop on Saturday to select the dresses for the wedding. It took some doing but I managed to get to the shop at the right time and found that all the others were dressed and I was the only one in drab. Not a problem the owner told us and since Wendy had already picked out the dresses everyone would wear we headed back to the dressing room for a fitting. Everyone else seemed to go fine but because I wasn't wearing my foundation garments or my breast forms, I seemed to have a bit of a problem. The owned personally assisted me and finally after a very long time, I was fitted.

The wedding was Saturday December 15th and Wendy and I talked almost every day about it and everything seem to be going fine. Friday morning I drove over and met Wendy at her apartment since she had invited me to stay with her. As soon as I arrived I changed into Jen mode and the Wendy and I were off to finalize all the last minute details. Late in the afternoon we went back to her apartment and met the other girls for a final fitting. Every ones dress fit perfect and Wendy's wedding gown was really beautiful and fit her like a glove.

Then it was off to the rehearsal, which went just fine. Then back to Wendy's for a bachelorette party which was quite tame and, sorry, there were no male strippers but I wish that I had thought of that before.

Saturday morning was a madhouse. We had thought everything was well taken care of but we were sorely mistaken. All of the brides party went to a local beauty shop to have our nails done, a makeover and have our wigs styled. That was pure excitement and very much a wild time. Finally at noon we were all complete and went back to get dressed. Getting dressed was wonderful with everyone helping everyone else and finally we were all picture perfect.

At two thirty a limo came for Wendy and the maid of honor and the ushers came for us bridesmaids. The usher who escorted me was a very cute single guy. We go to the church and the ceremony went without a hitch. After wards we went to a local club that had a private room when we had dinner, drank, toasted the bride and groom and just had a great time. I drank a bit too much but I wasn't driving so it really didn't matter but I did flirt a bit too much with the guys there. I seemed to be very popular and danced with almost every guy who attended the wedding. Of course, I ended up with my usher who had danced the first dance with me and several more later on. He was a complete gentleman when he escorted me back to Wendy's and I invited him in because I needed someone to help me get out of my dress. He was very willing to help me out of the dress and then put his arms around me and pulled me to him. I was wearing a strapless bra holding my breast forms in, a tight waist cincher, panties and pantyhose and I was a bit drunk so I didn't resist at all and I just met him and we started kissing. He was a wonderful kisser and I loved every second of the contact we had. When we finally stopped he disappointed me by saying that he had to leave but that he had a great time. I really wanted to continue making out with him and I also wanted him to spend the night with me but it wasn't to be and he left shortly afterward.

All in all, I had a great time and wish that the night could have lasted much longer. Now I am the owner of a bridesmaid dress that cost over $150.00 that can never be worn again. I think the whole purpose of bridesmaids dresses are for them to show off the brides gown. I just can't wait until I get the opportunity to be married and get to wear such a beautiful wedding gown.

My biggest regret was that since we couldn't carry purses I left everything including my camera at Wendys and although a lotm of pictures wer taken I don't have any.

My wife went out of town for three days so I got to be Jen again after a long absence. I started getting ready as soon as the garage door shut. Took my time with my makeup so that I would look as great as I possibly could. Spent all of the morning and a lot of the afternoon taking pictures, mostly outside along side the condo. The space there is quite open with a golf cart path running next to the condo so it was quite a risk to be taking pictures there but quite a rush also. Only had one small incident, when I had set up to take a picture on the golf cart path, as I walked out to pose a golf cart with a couple in it came around the corner. There was really nothing I could do, so I just stepped aside and waved to them. They waved back and continued on, not even looking back so I guess i must have looked pretty good to them. After taking all the pictures I wanted, I edited them and got them ready to post to my Flickr page.

By the time I finished, it was around six pm and I hurried and changed into some jeans and a blouse. I made certain my makeup was perfect and backed the car out of the garage, hoping that nobody was around. Well, there were a couple of people taking a walk but I didn't know them and they surely didn't know me. Drove to a mall, parked and walked in. The movie theater was right inside and I had no problem buying a ticket, although the girl dis give me a funny look because my voice was definitely male. Once inside I had no problem but I had to wait for the movie to end before I could enter. Very uneventful movie and afterward I just walked out with the crowd.

On the way home I decided to stop at the Embassy Suites for a drink since they have a nice bar and the bartender is really cute. There was nobody at the bar at all but the bartender was still as cute as I remembered. We chatted for a while as I finished my drink and still nobody came into the bar. I guessed that was a sign so I decided just to go home.

Even though I didn't have a wild night, I just enjoyed my entire day as Jennifer and will be doing something more exciting tomorrow hopefully.