Hello everyone I am just writing this as a diary entry....well, I feel so shitty and misserible. The man that I love won't believe anything I say which is what I have been trying to do is get him to realize that I know I fucked up in the past but so did he. Also I have straightened up my life so much. Have not done any drugs , nor smoke cigs, and only have had two strawberry Diaqurie's in the past 4 months. Anyways, I all I want in my life is to at least see my son so he knows who is mother is and be there for him when he needs a mother instead of Will having some other girl there at those times. You know I do love will still but I do not trust him and that is the truth. I want to be able to trust him again but I need a little trust in return. Which is hard for him also since I had lied and cheated so much in the past. But I have changed. Anyway, I do not know how long I can go without seeing at least Nathaniel. It is tearring me apart. I barelly sleep and I can not think about him without crying and feeling like a horrible person and mother for leaving him and not just trying to take him. Anyway I could not do that I did it once and felt just as worse. I hope someday I will be a family and be able to happy once again like I was some time ago. God bless to you all and smile.

Hello all my friends out there.. It has been some time since I have talked to you all. I am sorry for that. The update on my life is not the best but here you all go......

       I am no longer living in Vermontville now I am staying in Middleton with someone that I am babysitting for. It is beautifull there a lot of country land but some of the most beautifull sunset and sunrises you will ever catch in Michigan is out in the middle of nowhere looking over field after field. i will get a picture for you all one of these days. That right there the views of the nature is why I am still there. I have not got paid my from babysitting and don't have much. So I decided since I can not get a job I will babysit and add up what they owe me and in the mean time I am going back to school for child development. Then I am going to be a kidnigarden teacher or work with the handicapped. Also while in school I am going to get a degree in food business management. That way when I get out of school I know I will be able to get a job. Anyways, the other part of my life is still a big blur...I still don't have my family. That part hurts so much it is hard not to just give up on it. But I won't. I am going to better my life so that they can see a change in me so maybe they will give me anothe chance to be with the two of them.That is my goal in life. But anyways, till next time take care and god bless.