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Just looking thru the glass of my mind.

Job status at hell hole #1

So if you have been following the work saga of myself than you know that I'm not too happy with job #1. So I've come to a fork in the road considering this sorry ass estblishment. I would like some input and advice on what you think I should do. If you need to catch up please visit http://msjazz79.blogspot.com

What do you think I should do about job #1

Fuck it, just leave they obvisously aren't worth the trouble or a 2 week notice: 1
stick it out, maybe things will turn on for the best: 1
It's only a job, find another one and put in your 2 weeks: 5
Let your boss HAVE IT and let him know what you think, then make a dramatic exit;): 0

Wednesday June 14, 2006 - 06:59pm (CDT) Permanent Link | 4 Comments

anger management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks,

when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW

asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked,

"Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed

over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

Wednesday April 26, 2006 - 02:18pm (CDT) Permanent Link | 5 Comments

Chili cook off (old joke but a goodie)

Subject: Chili Cook Off

If you can read this whole story without tears of laughter running down
your cheeks, then there's no hope for you! *Note: Please take time to
read this slowly.

If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome.

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank,
who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a
chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions
to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the
other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy
and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting,
so I accepted".

Here are the score cards from the event:

Chili # 1
Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
Judge # 1 A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) Holy F*#% , what the hell is this stuff? You
could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put
the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2
Arthur's Afterburner Chili
Judge # 1 Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure
what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3
Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Judge # 1 Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more
beans.
Judge # 2 A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 Call the EPA. I've located an uranium spill. My nose
feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
now. Getme more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back,
now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting Sh*t-faced from
all of the beer.

Chili # 4
Bubba's Black Magic
Judge # 1 Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for
fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
barmaid,was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. Barmaid
is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating!
Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5
Linda's Legal Lip Remover
Judge # 1 Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.
Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead
and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips
off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming. Screw those red necks.

Chili # 6
Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge # 1 Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 I Sh*t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will
eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me
except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my
lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili # 7
Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
Judge # 1 A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and
I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like
Sh*t to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what
killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it;
I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in
through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8
Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
Judge # 1 The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not
too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither
mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed
out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not
sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted
to really hot chili?

Monday April 3, 2006 - 02:11pm (CDT) Permanent Link | 4 Comments

a day to relax before the big day - written Feb. 16

A day to relax before the big day

well , the day before my birthday. 2 weeks ago I took off the 16th and the 17th from work. Decided I need to treat myself and just GET AWAY!!! So I started off my day by rushing to 2 TJmaxx stores to get out some layways as well as put one in. lol I swear the cycle never ends. Afterwards I go to West County shopping mall and head to couple of stores. My main one was Torrid, where I found my outfit for this evening. Afterwards I went home and chilled out so I could get some rest and go the nail shop later on that evening. The weather was really weird, especially when a strong rain hit us still with the sun out yet with a few dark clouds. I liked it so much I actually just stood out there for a while and held my arms over my head. I didn't care if anyone some thought I was mental.

Later on around 7pm, I went to the Nail shop and had a manicure and pedicure. For those curious the color I picked was a lavander shade, because I just LOVE purple. lol Yet I wanted to pop the lady upside the head who did mine because she cut my cuticle just a tad bit too far on one of my fingers and I think also on my feet. so You know I made a mental not of NOT having her do me in the future.

Apparently while I was there Kamina, had called me to talk. I returned the phonecall and went to her place where we talked, watched tv, and just chilled out. It was really nice to just hang out with her and watch cable. Speaking about cable why did my tv on the 15th, stop working? I called charter (my cable company) because out of all the damn tv's that have cable, mine was the one for some strange damn reason will not pick up any channels except the DISNEY CHANNEL. i am offically in hell. Don't get it twisted I love the Disney channel I've only watched Beauty and the Beast 6 times so far on my VCR and 40 year old virgin around 3 or 4. Kinda lost track after 1. Well apparently there is STILL an issue so you know what the rep told me at 11:45pm? We will have to make an appointment and the earliest day anyone can come out is Feb 25, WHAT THE FUCK!!!! You know how you have one of those out of body experiences?? yea I just had one.

Anyways I'm back at home now just enjoyin the evening and getting myself mentally prepared to turn the big 27. chant with me won't you?

Friday February 17, 2006 - 07:33am (CST) Permanent Link | 4 Comments

Its been a minute