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—¤÷(`[¤* Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. *¤]´)÷¤—
- A Little Story
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Dear Grandson:
I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen everyday.
As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention.
When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.
After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life. Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.
Love, Grandma
P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"Monday June 1, 2009 - 10:03pm (EST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - Future CEO
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This Kid will go far…
This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That’s why I’m applying.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.Tuesday April 28, 2009 - 09:12am (EST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - The Name game
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It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours.
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
1. What is your name: Patricia
2. A four Letter Word: Pace
3. A boy's name: Patrick
4. A girl's Name: Phoebe
5. An occupation: Plumber
6. A color: Pacific Blue
7. Something you'll wear: Pyjamas
8. A house item: Pedestal fan
9. A food: Pizza
10. Something found in the bathroom: Powder
11. A place: Parramatta Park
12. A reason for being late: Police Officer stopped me
13. Something you'd shout: Party
14. A movie title: Pearl Harbor
15. Something you drink: Pine, Lime cordial
16. A musical group: Piccolo
17. An animal: Panda
18. A street name: Parramatta Street
19. A type of car: Pajero
20. The title of a song: Photograph by NickelbackTuesday March 31, 2009 - 07:15pm (EST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - Sleep Time
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Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white out. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken."
2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."
1. " ... in God's name, Amen."Saturday March 21, 2009 - 12:46am (EST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - Happy Birthday
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I think of myself and feel so proud
of how I live my life,
for I can see how beautifully I've grown.....
I have watched myself as I have taken
all the lessons life has brought
and made them into something all of my own.....
I'm strong and smart and caring,
I'm uniquely my own person -
unlike anyone the world has known before.........
That's why I love to celebrate
the person I am to me
and why, with every year I love myself more.
Happy Birthday To Me.
Wednesday February 25, 2009 - 11:20pm (EST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
