I'm surprised that this is my first blog of the new year. Much has happened since my last blog. I celebrated another year of life (I'm 28. Two years from 30! I'm gettin' old). I've sang with another choir besides the one at church. My sister, brother and I are planning my folks' 30th wedding anniversary surprise! I have a new PRESIDENT that was getting his groove on Tuesday night! And a slew of other things that escapes me right now. But along with the good there has been some bad. My car has been acting up since November. I'm still at a low-paying, non-career moving job that I'm not motivated by...and some other things that escapes me right now. But I guess I'm going to focus on the latter for a minute. Usually, I take time to do a self-evaluation on where my life is and where I want my life to go. Right now, let's just say that my life personally and professionally is NOT where I want them to be. But its ok, I guess. Many times I ask God why is this so? Why haven't I proceeded to the next level? Have I done something wrong? Am I not ready? Am I man enough to handle it?

There's something I've been waiting on for FOUR AND A HALF YEARS that has not happened yet. And sometimes I must admit it gets to me whether I show it or not. I've been pretty good at hiding my true feelings from people. Call it a built-in defense mechanism. I don't like people worrying about me or trying to baby me. I pretty much hate it. One of the best lessons I've learned is "if you're not going to pay attention, at least look like". I've translated that to "if everything is not ok, at least look like it and show no cracks in the armor." Unfortunately, I've gotten this down to a science. But I'm starting to wear down a little bit. I find it harder to do this and it worries me. I'm not the type of guy to have the "angry black man" episode where I get irrate and start fighting like a fool. 1) I've been taught better. 2)I'm too big to be doing some stupid stuff like that. Police will just taser or shoot me and that's not going down. But I'm grateful that God hasn't allowed me to reach a breaking point. But I feel like I'm close. At church, with my immediate fam, I'm usually do the counseling and the encouraging. I'm the one there with the hug or telling someone that God is gonna bring you out. Just hang in there. I'm the strong one. Not gonna curse nobody out or act a fool. Always keeping a level head.

But right now, I guess I'm a point of no return. I asked God several months ago that I want to trust Him more. I mean with everything. I thought I really knew what that meant. I thought about that and its something I do really want. But I "kinda" knew that meant that I was going to have to go through some things. And that is the truth! People tell me a lot how proud they are of me and use me as a good example. But i'm just not proud of myself. I look back at there's so much more that I can do that I'm not living up to. But like the old folks say, I'm still holding on. I'm at a point where I really have no other option than to trust God with everything. Today, my car broke down...again. It most likely needs a new alternator. I was a little ticked but I found myself saying, "God, I still trust you." It did help bit. And when things still aren't going my way I find myself uttering those words, "God, I love you and I still trust you". Until my breakthrough happens, I'm still going to trust Him. It has been very difficult for me to turn things over to Him and leave them with Him. I been on my "true Christian journey" only since August 2005. And there are some things that I need to learn. But I know that God lives and that He still moves and works in mysterious was. I don't know when or how but I know that He is able! Someone told me that whenever God brings you out of all of this, you're gonna have a great testimony to tell. I look forward to the day I get to tell it. But for right not, God is still good and I still trust Him...Two fingas

Man. I've been thinking about this since my pastor preached this on Sunday morning. It seems like a simple question but it is loaded with an infinite amount of answers. I guess sometimes as Christians we take the cross and His sacrifice for granted. But before I give my answer, I am interested in what y'all have to say. So let me have it.

WHAT DOES THE CROSS MEAN TO YOU?!

An inquiring mind wants to know...Two fingas

My mother actually sent this email to me with a very special speaker. If you are a parent or a teacher...THIS IS FOR YOU!

YOU MUST SEE THIS!!!

http://www.dallasisd.org/keynote.htm

Its been a minute since my last blog but a brotha has been keeping busy. This is just to shout out a friend of mine named Chaz. He actually plays for our choir. He and his group called "Illphonics" was one of two winners at a local battle of the bands competition. Because of which, they'll be performing at the Taste of St. Louis on September 26. The Taste is a wonderful event in downtown St. Louis and its definitely worth checking out. Here's a link to the website http://www.tastestl.com/SoCo-Tasty-Band-Competition/. But it was funny how they got there...

They performed Saturday night in a battle of the bands competition like I said before. Me, De-Andrea, my brother and his fiance went to see the show. We literally got there in the nick of time to see them do their thing. AND THEY THREW DOWN!!! I know that I'm biased but they did the thing. My boy Chaz plays drums for them and he was tooo cool by wearing some stunna shades while playing. They rocked from the time we got there to the time they got off the stage. It was first time hearing his band play. For those of you who are "St. Louis literate", they were at the Pageant, a nice venue for music. But there was some suspect behavior in there. First off, there was some "smoking" going on in there. And you already know what I'm talking about when I say that. And there was an abundance of hippies in there. What!? I thought they all died out in the '60s and '70s. Apparently not. But they were getting down with their non-rhythm selves. But they were kicking it. But the icing that topped the cake...Ok I gotta set you up for it. On the flyer it said it was for "all ages". Ok. Cool. BUT WHY WAS THERE A LITTLE WHITE GIRL IN THERE NO OLDER THAN 3 OR 4 YEARS OLD!??? I should've called child services. But all of that aside, we were all just people-watching and cracking jokes and having a great time listening to some very good bands. I'm glad that there are still some musicians still around St. Louis. Even if I had a cold and came out smelling like smoke it was worth it. By the way, did I mention that it was FREE?! You can't beat that. Great music for $Free.99?! I'll take that any day. So if you in the STL around that time, go to the Taste of St. Louis. I just might see you there. Two fingas .