Hello my friends,

I know I kept you waiting and worrying and I'm terrible sorry for that but I have so much to do.

Well they did not do the surgery on Wednesday since I did not have the x-rays so I called the doctor, who made them and asked him to give the pix to my parents, for them to bring them to me. He did give my mom a bit of trouble but finaly I had the pix Friday morning. so I went back to the hospital and got asked to come in Monday morning.

Over the weekend I worked on preparing the presentation I had to hold on Tuesday afternoon. Unfortunatele I did not even manage half of it till Sunday evening. OK going dancing Saturday night - sleeping in because I hit the sack by 5 am and having to attent our Trans-Street-Day preparation meeting on sunday afternoon may have to do with it.

Anyway I went to the hospital Monday 6:30 am and promptly was asked where I have the rest of my stuff? - What stuff? - Well you stay over night! - Since when? This was meant to be done ambulant. -Well I can check but we never do this ambulant.

Oh great and when do I prepare my presentation? At least I brought the book and had printed the whole thing as empty pages with just the headlines. So I went to my room (double but I had it to myself) and started working. at 9 I was brought to the surgery room and put under. Wehn I came back at 11:30 am I started again till dinner time. My intention to resume working after dinner was destroyed when 2 friends of mine visited. So we chatted away till near midnight. Well so much for that. So I resumed working on till 1 am and tried to get some sleep and resume early morning and hope to get released early.

The surgery itself was uneventfull. I did not hurt and never got painkilers since they were just not needed. I hat just 2 small patches on my left areola and since they were semitrasparent could see I could hardly see anything. I was asked to wear a bra 24/ for the next week or so and did.

Well I resumed working a bit in the morning but not much since I got an other woman in the room. At first that was just a slight distraction but later we chatted a bit. The cool thing was that every one was very friendly to me and no a single person did slip and say Mr. This other woman was cool with me as well when I told her since she could probabaly guess from my voice anyway :( and I wanted to know the reaction. Well she treated me like any other girl. :)

I was released at 10 am after having the wound examed by the sureon. It looked great and we were both happy. So I huried home and tried to type as much as possible into my power point presentation. Well just as I expeced I did not finish in time even while not attenting any other lectures this morning. I just tried to make it look OK and put it on the USB-stick, huried to the UNI and was 10 min late. Oh just great. Just how imagined this to go. Greasy hair (had no time to shower and was not allowed to, till the day after any way), no make up, dark ringed eyes , tired, a headache an unfinshed presentation, and 10 min late - yes just the impression I was hoping to make :(

Well some one gave me some painkillers for my headache and I started. It went rather well apart that the videos in my show did not play. Well just one more thing that went wrong that day. I talked the whole 80 min that were left even though I was entiteled to 40 to 50 min only. However it was a quite complexe theme: "Long Term Potentiation on a molecular and synaptic level related to learning and memory".  But the girl running the seminar was happy with my performance especially given the circumstances. I had told her by email before.

I nearly feel asleep a few times in the second seminar that afternoon (we build simulations of biological neuronal networks there) and was only to happy to come home and relaxe a bit.

Well not much relaxing since I have so much stuff that still needs to be done. Last week I was mostly still to tired from the surgery to do much. I just hope I will be able to study enough to pass all my open exams since I have to do 15 instead of the usaul 5 because I did fail a few or did not attent them before.

Ok its way late now and I really need to sleep now. Hope you had a not so stressfull time and will have a great weekend.

hugs and kisses

Holly

PS: the pic shows my left areaola and my finger points to the cut - I got my nails redone since they had grown out a lot and one had brocken of on sunday while opening a car door in hurry.

->>> well since yahoo considered this nutidy and removed the pic there will not be a pic to show how well the surgery was done - crazy prude America - this shows just how free a country you are

well so now I show a pic of a new skirt and boots I bought on eBay

PSS: I would love to hear what you think about that all and also if you think my new nails suite me better than my old ones or the other way around. I did like the others a tiny bit better I think but as time passes I like those new ones too more and more.

PSSS: I will see  my hairdresser again today since it has been over 2 months by now I think - I need toughups for my highlights - do you think I should go lighter or rather back to my real color - if I find the time I will post a few more pix

Hello all,

I finally found a place to get gel nails cheap and so I could not resist. Se the pic ;) Did you know it hurts shortly to get the nail gel hardend with UV-light? I did not not learned that it does and quite a bit. Fortunatelly only for a short time for each nail and then you can stick it back in with no pain.

Last wed I saw my doc again and had that lumb in my left breast examed again. It grew from 13 to 16 mm diameter and 11 mm deep. Since it is just under the skin it will be easy to remove.

The doc said its a fribrose or something along those lines. It's not likely to ever turn nasty but may grow a bit more and will not likely vanish. He said its not necessary to remove it, but since it can easiely be done and since I seem to prefer to have it removed he let me decide.  Well after a bit of back and forth considering I decided to have it removed.  He wrote the transfer and I went to the hospital just a few hundert meters away. They have recently become a breast center. How convinent. Well after some searching and asking I found some one who could help. She asked if I take hormones because of my deep voice. :( Damn. - Yes I do.  - If I have implants ... - Implants? Me? Why would I go this tiny if I had implants? - Ok I did not say this but I thought it. - No I don't. - Well they want the diagnosis from the mamogram, the pix from the mamasonography and they need a form of admitance even if it is just for the one day. A normal tranfer will not do. - I had suspected this but thought my doc would know. Ah well. - So I went back to the doc and asked for the stuff and they gave it all to me.

Now I need to be in on Wednesday morning by 10 am latest and bring lots of time and something to eat ...

They may do another mamography (hope not - just more x-rays) and more likely another mamsonography with a bigger device for more detailed pictures.

Well I got to do my home owrk now.

See you after wed - hopefully to report all went great.

hugs

Holly

Hello all,

I hope you had a great Easter Holiday and did not sin to much on the candies. I know I have been a bad girl in that aspect.

It's been a while since I'm so awfully busy. University started again and it seems the work load is growing and growing and I have no idea how to do all work, stay in tough with friends and transition at the same time.

A few things happened since my last entry:

1. I finally got the legal power to the name change and could have my birth certificate changed. It now reads: "Holly Marie Schöne, of male sex". This won't change till I got SRS. It's German Transsexual Law. The picture is my new preliminary ID-card till the new one is issued.

2. My doctor decided to leave the lump in my breast alone for now. He asked me to check it each month by myself. He would check with ultra sonic in 6 months. Well I can not be certain but I think it keeps growing. So I will tell him when I see him next some time during the next 4 weeks. It seems I may still need to have it surgically removed. I think I would make me feel better.

3. I got everything I need, to ask the student loan people if they will give me a term more to get my preliminary exam. I have yet to see how that turns out. So far I live of the money from selling my car. If they say now I am in trouble. I can not work and study at the same time with the work load I got this term. My parents will not be able to support me fully. So I would need to get a private student loan. While the one from the government is interest free and half of it is a gift and every thing over a total of 10200 Euro is a gift as well - the private one would charge 5.2% from the first Euro so that in the end I would have a total of up to 25000 Euro for both the government and the private student loan. I'm not sure I would be willing to take that risk.

It would also mean I could not spare any money for laser hair removal. If you can it would be nice to have you donate a few dollars or euros to my PayPal account so I can continue my laser hair removal. It holds less than 100 Euro at the moment and I will need around 150 by early March - about 15 Euro every 1 to 2 months at the current speed. So far I managed to save about 100 Euro per month myself but it seems I won't be able to any longer. :( If you want to help send the money to bbeachballs@hotmail.com I hardly ever check this email address for messages so do not expect me to answer any time soon if you write to me there. It's just one of the email accounts linked into my PayPal account. www.paypal.com

4. I try to get in shape now for real. I signed up in UNI-sport for “Pop Fit”. It's a kind of aerobic and other things. Half the time we run and jump on the spot while doing something with the arms and the rest of the body as well. It's not easy to coordinate that all.  The other half is done lying down and aims on the butt and tummy muscles. This all happens while some cool and fast music is playing. It's a lot of fun but very challenging. I also try to eat healthier so I will look good in belly free tops soon.

5. I still need to decide what surgeon I want to go to for SRS. I got an address list now but I can not interview 30 surgeons. If there is anyone who knows about SRS in Germany please let me know.

6. I will also try to change my dressing style a bit. I would like to wear more skirts. I got quite a few but wore them not very often so far. That’s going to change this term. I just got another one now and a pair of summer boots.

OK that should be enough for now. Still got my home work and other stuff to do.

hugs and kisses

Holly