During my first acupuncture appointment he asked me what are my goals, like when I'm no longer depressed what do I want to do? I said I want to be able to get a job and I want to join a dojo. I've been feeling so much better so quickly that over the weekend I started searching the internet for dojos in my area and I found three likely candidates. The first is a Chinese martial arts dojo that does tai chi, paqua (bagua), and kung fu; the second is a Japanese martial arts dojo that has a woman head instructor (more on this in a moment), and the third is a Kajukenbo-Aikido dojo.

I started doing martial arts with a friend of mine, private lessons, doing mixed Chinese martial arts. After that I joined a tae kwon do dojo cuz I have very strong legs and I thought a style that emphasized kicks would be a good match for me, but unfortunately it wasn't. I then changed to Kenpo which I loved, but shortly after joining that dojo I suffered a devastating injury (not martial arts related) and I had to take a year or so off. By that time I was pregnant with Sam, then shortly after he was born I got pregnant with Alan, and a year after he was born I decided that I needed to join a dojo again. I chose a Kajukenbo dojo in large part because they were accomodating to mothers with young children and also because the head instructor was a woman--not only that but she was the mother of the dojo's owner plus three of the instructors! Plus she's a small woman with a similar build to my own. This is important because I've been frustrated in some dojos that I was always paired up with other small women, which is fine and good except that if I ever get attacked on the street it's probably going to by a large man and I want to be able to defend myself. Although I didn't train often with my sigung (my sifu's mother) my sifus were sympathetic to me and paired me up with the large men. My main training partner was a second degree black belt in Aikido and we frequently trained after class together for an hour or two, just the two of us, during which time he would teach me Aikido and even some Wing Chun in which he had some previous experience.

So, Chinese martial arts are appealing to me, a woman head instructor is appealing to me, and Kajukenbo-Aikido is appealing to me.

This evening, Alan and I checked out the Chinese martial arts dojo. Immediately upon entering the dojo we were approached by an instructor. I told him that we were interested in joining the dojo and he told me about their program. I told him what I was looking for, and I wanted to know if I would be always paired up with other small women or if I would be allowed to train with the men? He said that they fully believe in mixing up partners so everyone can train with a variety of body types. He himself was tall-ish and lanky and he said that he knows he has to fight shorter stockier people differently than the taller lankier people. Yes! They get it there! I'll tell you, my former training partner, the second degree black belt in Aikido, was a clear foot taller than I am and there were a couple of throws that he couldn't do on me. For example, he was so much taller than I am that when he tried to shoulder throw me I would do flip in mid air and land right on my feet!

The children's class was ending and the adults' class was just about to begin and so the instructor invited us to stay and watch. Actually, he invited me to participate but I wasn't dressed for it. So we watched. A lot of their techniques were EXACTLY the same as what I've done before, others were extraordinarily similar. They even kneeled to take off their belts/sashes the same way we did at my last dojo and they even have the same "secret" handshake. He said we can have a one month free trial, and Alan said he wanted to try it out so I guess we will! And I guess that gives me one month to get a job so I can figure out how to pay for it.

I thought I'd celebrate by reposting this old blog post. It's called:

I’m going to tell one of my favorite martial arts stories. This story is actually two related stories, which is why it's so long, but I think it's a good read. Before I get into it, I need to define a few words and terms to make it easier to understand:

Dojo means school. Literally it means “way place,” do=way, jo=place, or “the place in which you learn the way,” in this case “the way of the warrior.”

Sifu is a title, meaning teacher. I have many sifus, so I address them “Sifu [their name].”

Sigungcis also a title, meaning teacher’s teacher. I have only one Sigung, Pat, and so I often address her simply as Sigung.

Wudan Two-Brothers Sword Set. First, Wudan is a dojo in China. If you’ve seen Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Wudan features prominently in the movie. Second, the Two Brothers Sword Set is a routine (also called a form) of choreographed sword fighting moves designed to teach and practice sword fighting. It is performed by two people, hence the name “Two Brothers.”

My story begins one morning when I went to my dojo to work on sword forms with Sifu Tim. When I entered the dojo, he was sitting there eating a burrito.

“Which form do you want to work on?” He asked me.

“How about the Wudan Two-Brothers Sword Set?” I said.

He agreed, and told me to do the form (routine) by myself while he finished his burrito. I went through the form, and he said it was pretty good except he needed to make a few corrections. He stood up, still eating, and went through the moves using his burrito as a sword! It was pretty funny, with bits of burrito dripping off as he stabbed and cut with it. Then we launched into the sword fighting moves, me with my sword versus him with his burrito. Don’t worry, I was using a wooden practice sword so it did not matter if I got any burrito on my blade.

About that time, Sifu Mike showed up.

“What are you guys doing?” He asked in disbelief.

“The Wudan Two-Brothers Sword Set,” we said matter of factly, like 'gosh, couldn't you tell?'

The two Sifus then got into a discussion of Chinese martial arts forms and styles. “They have a form for everything,” they said. They began listing forms, “dragon, monkey, tiger, crane, Fu-kin crane.”

“And what’s the secret to doing a good Fu-kin crane?” asked Sifu Tim.

In unison they said, “A hard pecker!”

And we burst out laughing. They explained that there’s actually a style called the Fu-kin crane, from the Fu-kin province of China. It was taught to Sifu Tim by a great martial artist, named Master Jerry.

Now, one component of crane styles is doing the crane’s bill hand. To do this, hold your hand with all four fingers pressed tightly to your thumb, your thumb will actually be touching just your first two fingers but you get the idea. Move your hand around, and you’ll see that it looks sort of like a crane’s bill. It’s effective for striking (pecking) at an attacker’s eyes or other soft tissuey areas. And the harder you hold your hand like this the more effective a weapon it will be, making the joke actually true.

Sifu Tim said that on the second day of the seminar, Master Jerry asked if anyone remembered from the first day what secret was to doing a good Fu-kin crane?

One man said, “A hard pecker.”

Master Jerry was livid, “What? Do you think this is a joke? How dare you make a dirty joke about something so serious as martial arts?”

The guy was shocked and horrified. Insulting a master, especially his knowledge which he was generous enough to share with you is an extremely serious offense.

Then Master Jerry said, “Just kidding, he’s right. The secret to a good Fu-kin crane is a having a hard pecker.”

LOL! Sifus Tim and Mike went on about how great Master Jerry is, he’s a great martial artist, a great teacher, and has a great sense of humor. “If you ever met him,” they told me, “you’d love him.” A few months later, I got the honor!

He came to our dojo to teach a seminar. No, not the Fu-kin Crane. He taught us a Tiger Form (routine) and a two-handed sword form (routine). The two handed sword form is a wonderful form because it originated in China, then went to Japan, then returned to China. This makes the routine applicable to both straight swords and katanas! And yes, I loved Master Jerry. He was everything they said he was: a great martial artist, a great teacher, and a laugh riot! After the seminar, my abs hurt not so much from the work out but from laughing so hard!

The seminar was on a Saturday. When I got home I practiced the sword form for hours, lest I forget what I had just learned. Sunday, I practiced it all day long! The boys were playing in the back yard as I was practicing, and at one point AJ (now called Alan) ran right into one of my cuts! I cut his neck, but it was only a little scratch and so he was fine. Whew! I think I was more traumatized than he was.

Monday morning, I returned to my dojo for my regular class. Toward the end of class, Sifu Tim and Sigung Pat arrived with Master Jerry!

“Thank you for teaching me on Saturday!” I said to him. “I’ve been practicing the sword form all weekend and I think I pretty much have it.”

“That’s great!” He said. “Hey, after your class, why don’t you join Sifu Tim and Sigung Pat and me outside? We’ll be training and I can help you with the form.”

This was an exceptional opportunity. Training one-on-one with my Sifu is a treat, training with my Sifu and with Sigung is special, being invited by a great master to train with the three of them was an extraordinary honor.

So, after my class I grabbed my sword and went out to the cul-de-sac where they were practicing. Master Jerry was working with Sigung on push-hand applications to wave hands like clouds (if you don’t know what that means, don’t worry, it's not important to this story), and working with Sifu Tim on a chicken form. Yes, the Chinese have a form for everything, even chickens. And the chicken form is very rigorous; requiring a great deal of agility.

At one point, Master Jerry was working with me but he glanced over at Sifu Tim. “C’mon Timmy!” Master Jerry cheered, “Work that chicken! Make your pecker hard!”

Sigung and I just about fell over laughing.

Master Jerry said to us, “Isn’t this great? Now, we have two forms we can use that joke with! It used to be just the crane, but now we can also use it with the chicken!”

Then Sifu Tim, in all of his hard work leaping around like a chicken, nearly stepped in a pile of dog-poo. Or was it a clod of mud? It was difficult to tell, so Master Jerry inspected it.

He pretended to stick his finger in it. “Feels like dog-poo,” he said. He smelled his finger, “Smells like dog-poo.” Then he pretended to lick his finger, “Tastes like dog-poo. Whew! I sure am glad I didn’t accidentally step in it!” LOL! OMG!

It was such a huge honor to train with him, one of the highlights of my life. Every day at the dojo was a gift, and it’s such a huge sacrifice that I can’t train right now. I tried to go back a year ago, but in endeavoring to survive school, work, and mommy-hood there’s not enough hours in the day for me to train like that. And being consistent with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, I need to provide for my family and secure our future before I can work on personal fulfillment. I’m still training at home, but it’s not the same. Nothing can replace the dojo experience, the camaraderie of my fellow students, and the wisdom of my instructors. Not to mention the dirty jokes . Yeah, I can get dirty jokes and toilet humor anywhere; but somehow, it's funnier coming from a prestigious martial arts master.