Well according to my poll it seems like some of you believe my story. I want to thank those people; it helps a bit to be believed by someone. There are also some non believers, and as I've said before. I don't blame you. If I were in your shoes I'd feel the same.

The thing that unsettled me a bit was that most people thought I was a (born) girl pulling a hoax. In truth, I am a man that is housed in this female body, but it unnerved me to think that the change may have impacted me on a deeper level. It occurred to me when I began writing this blog that my "maleness" might show through since these writings are just that, writings. You can't see me sitting here with panties on, or hear my new voice; it's just words on a computer screen. Was this change robbing me of my last bastion of maleness? My mind? I guess I will find out gradually.

I have no idea how this happened or what caused it to happen, but I have learned from my poll that, if it has ever happened before, we probably wouldn't know anyway. Not many people would believe a story like mine and I even begin to doubt myself or think I've gone mad now and then lately. I think after a short time anyone in my position would stop trying to convince people around them and just live with what they had in front of them. I am beginning to feel that way, that is certain.

The one fact I know for sure is that I am sitting here in this body and everything I do seems very very real.

I had someone ask me on yahoo messenger to try having sex with my boyfriend with me on top the other day. It was the first time I felt, just slightly, exposed. This was now my body and my life and I was telling so many intimate details. Was I being too public with such intimacies?

As I thought about it further it began to become clear to me, describing things from my new point of view was not only therapeutic for myself, but others could get an idea of what it's like in my shoes right now. I didn't see any harm from telling my tale and describing my feelings, so I decided to write the request and try to describe how it felt.

I've decided to describe in as much detail as possible how it felt earlier tonight as I "rode" my boyfriend. Yes it is intimate, but I feel ok with sharing my experiences. I have to be open if I hope to cope with my new circumstances. My last post was a short panic rant, so consider this a reversal, I'll describe some pleasure.

The first thing that needs to be described is that, when you are a female, just being naked can be a glorious and erotic thing. Some primal part of me felt as if my boyfriend was my protector and ruler as his hands touched me all over without reservation, and my body moved on the silk sheets. It's very hard to put into words but it is electrifying to say the least. You feel totally vulnerable yet safe at the same time. I find the vulnerability is actually what turns me on quite a bit.

After getting me quite wet (by fingering me and licking my clit) I gently pushed him on his back. I knew I wanted to try "the ride" but you never really know what reaction you'll have until you are face to face with the situation.

I was very wet still and I slid up onto my knees and straddled him. I then began to stroke his cock with my hands. I tried to remember what I liked a girl to do to my cock, and treated him to my best attempt at that. He definitely responded. Just a note here, cocks are very warm and soft to hold onto.

Now came the big plunge. I had his cock in my hands, reaching down between my legs, when I felt his knees raise a bit and push on my butt. It was like he was gently coaxing my pussy towards his cock.

I put some weigh on my knees and slowly lifted my ass, and then I very slowly let his cock enter me just slightly. Knowing that a warm soft tip of a cock is teasing your clit is am almost maddening experience. I had sudden impulses to just slide down onto it, but he held me in place an teased me. It made me wetter and wetter as I anticipated him entering me.

Finally he slid his cock in me, as deep as it would go. I have to say, I honestly lost all control and moaned very loudly. I was very aware that I was naked and on full display for this male who had his cock so deep inside me. It was liberating and the sheer and open vulnerability, and act of being penetrated, basically made me lose all inhibition and go wild.

My little "ride" seemed to last hours. We went fast and hard, slow and soft and transitioned smoothly in between. Sometimes he thrusted up into me and other times I rhythmically bounced up and down on him. I know at times while in this body I have felt afraid and had a sense of loss, but I really had no choice but to fully enjoy this lovemaking.

It was amazing.

The other thing that needs description is how we spoke during all of this. He kept asking me things like "does it feel good baby?" and "do you want more?" and every time he asked I seemed to only be able to reply with a moan or feminine grunt. While he was in me I seemed to have lost some of my vocal communication skills. Isn't that odd? maybe I was just too focused on what I was feeling to form a sentence, I have no idea.

Anyway, for the person who asked me to try that, I do not feel intruded upon or insulted. That is the best description of how it felt that I can muster. If I could let you in this body to experience it I would. It'd be a wonderful thing to share.

Night all.

I've decided to do a poll to see what people think.

Here's a repost:

Ok, I've talked to some non believers and I understand why. They have a hard time accepting that this could happen and how I could almost take it so lightly. Well my blog to date hasn't reflected all of my reactions to my current situation, in truth I really only wrote the giddy and crazy moments since that was what I had the hardest time wrapping my brain around.

I've sat here several times over the past week in utter shock, looking down at this body and just being in awe. There is no way to deny it, I'm here in a chicks body. When I go out and people react differently. or call me miss, or even hold a door it sticks in my mind.

I'm slowly getting used to being in this form. After my experiments with sex I would sit and think, holy shit what have I done!? The weight of my reality is always there though, I am what I am now and I can't seem to change it.

My previous self gave way to the reality I am in now to put it simply. At this point I have experience having a man’s penis inside me; I could never have imagined the feeling before this. I think i was playing a game and testing out the "realness" of it all. There are times like tonight when the realness hits me head on. I look down and see frilly fluffy panties and no "package", I can see and feel my breasts under my t-shirt, I can hold my little hands and manicured fingers in front of my eyes. It's all very real and makes me a bit unsettled at times.

Today a guy on yahoo asked me to pee my panties for him, which struck me as a bit odd but also made me curious. I was here in this position so why not do experiments, who wouldn't. I got a folded up towel and did it while we chatted, and I described what I felt. The oddest part was my feeling after, I had turned the guy on, and that was crazy. Realizing that being in this body alone is enough to turn on a guy in that way made me feel very odd indeed. It again brought home the reality and uniqueness of my situation.

It's sinking in tonight much more than it has at anytime yet, and I'm so nervous I shake at times.

I'm a chick, and I'm trying to deal with that.

You can contact me at illyraj@yahoo.com