My how things have changed. It seems like it was just the other day when i was playing with my daughter in her room in the projects. I remember thinking, I can't wait til she is older to understand things. I can' t wait til I can take her shopping and she be involved in picking out her clothes. I couldn't wait to be able to hear her thoughts.

On Monday, my babygirl turned 16. Where did the time go. It seems like it was just the other day that I put her on a school bus at age 3 to go to school for the first time. Now she rides the city bus to go whereever she wants to go.

I can remember working with her on learning how to write her name. Now she is filling out job applications. I can remember how long it took her to finally learn how to ride a bike. Now she is anxiously wanting to learn how to drive.

Ok, honestly that driving crap has come too quick!!!!!!

She is growing up so fast. In two more years, she will legally be an adult.

Even with that, she is still my baby.

I praise God for her!! Thank you for giving me her.

When I think of starting over, I think of leaving things in the past.   Well, I be damned in someone from my past has just showed up in my present.

I feel kinda shakey.  But I know I can deal with this.

It was one of those relationships that I knew was bad for me.  But I didn't have the energy to get out.  It took like 4 years.  But I did it.

So now he is calling me.  I have been screening my calls.

But today he called and it was like I was busted. Dang!!!

But I can get through this.  Can't I?

Whom the son sets free is free indeed, right??

I watch this reality show called Starting Over.  I am addicted to the show.  It is a show about women staying together in a house together.  They have come to the house to start over.  Whether it be professionally, emotionally or whatever. 

Iyanla is one of the life coaches.  And I have to say that she is the one that I find myself drawn to.  I can't wait to hear what words of wisdom she might impart on the show to the women.

They are always talking about being authentic.  I like that word.  It seems to speak volumes to me. More than just being fake. 

I think we have to be authentic with ourselves.  Sometimes we lie to our selves.  We create fantasies that make us feel comfortable.  But sometimes it is one big lie.

Even when we don't deal with things we are not being authentic.

But this show has made me thinking what would I want to start over in my life...

I think I need to go ponder this thought for a while.

I have always been proud of who I am.  Being a big girl was no thing to me. Until December 6th.

I was feeling great.  Got to work and started feeling horrible.  I couldn't get myself together. I walked across the street to the ER. 

I was admitted with a suspicion of having a heart attack. 

Talk about wake up call!!

Fast forward to 1/12/06.

Today, my daughter and I joined Weight Watchers.  Yeah, my daughter.  Because of my  lifestyle of over eating no exercise she is overweight too.

And that is where i feel the most guilt.  What have I done!!!

From this day forward...I have decided to live life.  A healthier life.

Can I do it? No!!  Not by myself.  But with the help of Christ I can do all things..