I almost can't believe it myself but I actually got a chance to take a few pictures today. I've been biding my time these past few months by partaking in a bit of window shopping. With my current home situation, the department store dressing room is about the only place that welcomes this part of me. While there have been dozens of outfits that I'd have loved to have taken home with me, my space and my purse have their limits. Even so, there are a few outfits that I just had to have. I got to model a few of them today and in time I hope to show you the rest.

I got this outfit at JC Penny a few weeks ago. A few weeks before that, I made an impulsive stop at a mall near where I grew up. I found this skirt and blouse and I couldn't believe how much I loved trying this skirt on. I knew it was a keeper, but I wasn't ready to purchase it yet as I had a few other stores I wanted to check out and I didn't want to be burdened with parcels. I figured I'd stash the garments on a rack somewhere and get it on my way out.

A few stores later, I found these shoes in Payless. I immediately knew that they'd go with this skirt so I really wanted to grab them right there on the spot. As with before, I was still doing my recon so I left them and went on to hit a few more stores.

As I was walking out of one store, there sat my cousin. He would have been very suprised to see me in the area, let alone in the mall, let alone comming out of the ladies section of the department store. My eyes locked on him, but I don't think he noticed me. I did a quick about face and made a bee line back to my car and got the heck out of there. I didn't look back to see if he noticed my getaway, I just made my way out of there as quickly as I could. I was spooked.

When I got to the car, I thought about how silly it was that I let him spook me into forgoing my purchases but no matter how I rationalized it it was just too risky to go back in there.

Luckily a week or two later I had to make an unexpected trip to that area again and I knew that I had to go back and get my stuff. I wasn't able to find everything I'd seen there earlier, but I found this outfit and a few new items that I just had to have.

I'm getting ready for my trip. I've been looking forward to it for almost a year now.

As I mentioned in my previous post, it won't be quite as nice as last year. I have much less free time and I can't take an extra suitcase just for Kelly's wardrobe like I did last year. I've been thinking of what I really want/need to bring. I've been thinking and thinking about this for days now. This morning was my chance to pack the suitcase. I selected one old favorite outfit and a few new blouses, slacks and shoes that I purchased just recently. Of course I needed to make room for my foundations, makeup and jewelry--and I can't forget the camera!

I packed Kelly's wardrobe first to see what's left for my normal daytime clothes. Just like a woman, she took up the entire suitcase and begged for more room. In the end we compromised. She got to keep everything she put in the suitcase and nothing more. I managed to pack everything away very carefully with enough room for my daytime clothes too.

I'm rather proud of the packing job, in a geeky sort of way, because I was able to arrange things such that a casual visual inspection of the suitcase won't show any signs of Kelly. That's a big deal when I have a wig, breast forms, hip pads, two pairs of pumps and a pair of boots that most certainly wouldn't be mistaken for anything other than what they are.

This will be an interesting trip. I didn't pack any dresses at all, and only one skirt. For this trip I'm channeling the influence of my dear friend DJ Ms DD.

I'm really excited about the trip. Hopefully by this time next week I'll have pictures to post.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I'm freaking out a bit because I can't find the special memory card that I use for my portraits. Obviously I had it for the last photo session. I had to put it away someplace special to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. I just can't remember where the heck I put it! I've checked every place I can think of. Unfortunately my last memory of it is that I had it in the pocket of my blue jeans. I know I took it out and put it somewhere, but I can't remember that at all. Or did I forget and leave it in the pocket, only to take a ride in the washing machine. I think that's unlikely. It would have fallen out and I'd have gotten a lot of grief about what I was doing with a memory card in my pocket. Ugh. My brain is failing me again!

I'm really looking forward to some quality Kelly time coming up. I'll be attending a work sponsored conference in Newport Beach California next week. As much as I'm looking forward to trading in my cold Philly winter for a little So-Cal change of pace, I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to be me for a little while.

I attended this same conference about this time last year and I had an absolutely fabulous time--and I have the pictures to prove it. That trip was special because it was my first trip to the that area and my wife graciously agreed that it made sense to stretch the trip by an extra day to do a little sight seeing while I was there. That extra day was pure heaven, although I spent most of it in the hotel room with a camera and a few of my favorite garments.

This year I don't have the luxury of that extra day and I'll also be traveling with several close co-workers. Not close enough that they know anything about Kelly though. So it's going to be hard to get away from the group for a little quality personal time. I'm still hopeful that I'll make the time, but it won't be like last year.

One step forward, one step back. I checked in on my sister and she's still okay with my ambigenderism. She doesn't understand the crossdressing thing at all. To her it's just some weird fetish that I need to stop doing. It's hurting my marriage and family so I need to stop. Yeah, if only it were that easy. I think she's open enough that in due time she'll accept that too.

I also found out that her husband knows too. When I first approached her with my story I told her that it was okay for her to share anything I say with her husband--as long as it stays between the two of them. I love and trust both of them. I didn't want to force her to keep my secret from her husband. I may be ruining my marriage, I don't want to ruin theirs too. Well the good news is that he's accepted me as well. Again, he doesn't understand the crossdressing but it's not like he's spent a lifetime thinking about like I have.

I guess the lack of acceptance of the crossdressing is my step backwards. I think the best way to proceed is to discretely show my sister a photograph of Kelly. I want to show her who I am, that I'm not her brother in a dress. Obviously one of my newest pics will work nicely (like the one at the top of the page). I'm quite happy with my current look and I don't mind showing those pics. I don't have any pictures that I'm ashamed of, but some of the earlier ones are closer to her fetishistic interpretation and I'm afraid that they'd send the wrong signal.

I've also had to cancel my planned TG meeting. As much as I need to go, my wife can't handle it. If I have to choose between Kelly and her I have to choose her--but I really want both.