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just a nice guy trying to get along in this world
- Entry for May 28, 2009
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It's definitely time for a topless cruise, who's in?Thursday May 28, 2009 - 06:12am (PDT) Permanent Link | 12 Comments - Entry for May 07, 2009
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>
> HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
>
> Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
> to
> lights and darks.
>
> Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.
>
> If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
> Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do
> more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
>
> Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
> pumice
> stone.
>
> Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
> vitamins.
>
> Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>
> Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
>
> Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
> red.
>
> Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
>
> Rinse conditioner off hair.
>
> Shave armpits and legs.
>
> Rinse off.
>
> Turn off shower.
>
> Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
>
> Spray mold spots with Tilex.
>
> Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
>
> Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
>
> Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
>
> If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
>
> HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
>
> Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
> in
> a pile.
>
> Walk naked to the bathroom.
>
> If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo
> sound.
>
> Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
>
> Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
>
> Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
>
> Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>
> Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
>
> Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
>
> Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
>
> Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
>
> Pee.
>
> Rinse off and get out of shower.
>
> Partially dry off.
>
> Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of
> tub the whole time.
>
> Admire wiener size in mirror again.
>
> Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.
>
> Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
>
> If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
> woo-woo sound again.
>
> Throw wet towel on bed.
>
> If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there
> is something SO very wrong with you.
>
> Have a great day..... and woo woo!!!Thursday May 7, 2009 - 06:05pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 8 Comments - Entry for March 01, 2009
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The Guys' RulesAt last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally the guys' side of the story, we always have to hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules. Please note… they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!1.) Men are NOT mind readers.1.) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.1.) Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.1.) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.1.) Crying is blackmail.1.) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!1.) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.1.) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.1.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem… See a doctor.1.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.1.) If you won't dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.1.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.1.) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.1.) You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, then just do it yourself.1.) Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.1.) Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.1.) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.1.) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.1.) If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing, we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.1.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.1.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, really!1.) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation or sports.1.) You have enough clothes.1.) You have too many shoes.1.) I am in shape. Round IS a shape!One last thing thank you for reading this, yes I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight that’s why it’s already ready.Sunday March 1, 2009 - 08:09am (PST) Permanent Link | 4 Comments
- Entry for February 14, 2009
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My beautiful state of Oregon turned 150 on this Valentine's Day. Happy Birthday Oregon! I hope each and every one of my friends get a chance to visit this awesome place at least once! And say hi if you do!
Saturday February 14, 2009 - 11:07pm (PST) Permanent Link | 5 Comments - Entry for February 14, 2009
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The furnace and fireplace are warming up the house on a cool overcast morning. The delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee is wafting through the house. Truly a morning to be lazy! Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
Saturday February 14, 2009 - 07:45am (PST) Permanent Link | 3 Comments
